We have a $200k joint income but my husband pretends he's homeless to get food

"He intentionally looks disheveled and uses our beat-up car to blend in at the food bank," the fed-up woman says about her 'frugal' husband. 

A woman has posted online asking for advice about her husband's strange behaviour of pretending to be homeless despite being well off. 

She's become so fed up with his 'frugal' ways of acquiring food that she's left him for a week in order to have some space to think.

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Frugality has been an ongoing issue between the couple

The woman took to the forum with a post titled: "AITA for leaving my husband at home while I spend the week at my brothers because of how he 'buys' groceries?"

But the reality is much worse than she initially implies. He's not 'buying' groceries at all but rather taking them from food banks. 

She begins by explaining that she's been with her husband for 17 years and things have been great, despite "a few rough patches."

The poster explains: "What’s important to note is that while he earns more than me and is considered the main provider, I have a substantial trust fund that ensures we’re financially stable.

"Our household income exceeds $200k annually, while the average in our area is below $50k."

Then she admits that an ongoing issue between the pair is his "frugality."

He is 'indifferent' about the people in need of food. Image: IStock

"He insists on going to food banks to save money"

"He likes to have the final say on how he uses his earnings," she writes.

"The main point of contention between us is his frequent visits to food banks. Despite having more than enough food at home, he insists on going to food banks to save money.

"He intentionally looks disheveled and uses our beat-up car to blend in, even though he’s never experienced food scarcity."

The woman explained to her husband that food banks are essential to their low-income community and even showed him their social media posts with pleas for more donations.

But according to her, he remained "indifferent" to this. She even suggested that he donates or volunteers himself to gain firsthand experience but he refused. 

The strangest and perhaps the most unfortunate part about this whole thing is the couple are "never short on food, so most of what he brings home ends up getting thrown away."

People in need have been missing out at their local food bank

The tension came to a head recently when the woman noticed her fridge was filled with fresh produce and meat that weren't from the supermarket. 

"When I confronted him about this, he admitted to going to a food bank after seeing a Facebook post about a donation of fresh food," she says.

"People on social media were already asking if any was left and there wasn’t. I showed him these comments but he brushed them off, claiming people should have gone earlier. Exhausted by the situation, I packed a bag and went to stay with my brother, asking for space to think things over."

Her husband then accused her of overreacting, being vindictive and still threatens to go back to the food banks.

Even his family are messaging her, calling her an "a**hole" and urging her to "stop interfering with his choices".

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"What he's doing isn't frugal, it's being a sh*tty person"

She mused, "Yes, I could let this go and not scold him but the food he takes could have gone to people who truly need it. I’m not leaving my husband but I need a few days away to gain some clarity. Am I wrong for wanting this space?"

Thankfully, she received a lot of support from the comments as well as some insights into her husband's behaviour.

"NTA. This is completely unhinged. A man making 200k while married to a woman with a trust fund going to a food bank is unacceptable. I couldn't live like that. You are absolutely not wrong to want space. I would want permanent space," the top comment with 43k upvotes said. 

Someone even suggested that they'd name and shame the husband to the local food bank.

They wrote: "If I were you, I'd repack any box he brought home, take it back to where he got it, show them his picture while explaining the truth about what he's doing and suggest they ban him until he can provide verifiable proof that he's in need. 

"After the first time he did it again, every food bank would have been alerted because they don't put up with this bs. He should be ashamed."

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"He could have food insecurity or trauma in his past"

Someone else said: "NTA X1000. Your husband is stealing from people that are less fortunate. I’m frugal too and I like to save money where I can. I use coupons, buy store brand vs name brand for some products, etc. What your husband is doing isn’t frugality, it’s being a shitty person."

"I cannot conceive the level of entitlement here," someone else stated. "YOU ARE MARRIED TO A CON MAN. How does he not see how disgusting this is?"

But someone pointed out that there could be some sort of "food insecurity or trauma in the husband’s past that makes him essentially steal food that he doesn’t even need."

That person added, "I would make counselling a condition of any return home. He can afford it and it might help save the marriage."

Originally published as We have a $200k joint income but my husband pretends he's homeless to get food