'My sister-in-law says my baby boy likes ‘girl things’ so he must be gay'

“It’s not that I would mind if he was… but he’s only eight months old and she talks about it constantly,” the frustrated mum says.

When my eldest was four years old, he sat snuggled up next to his grandpa in a big armchair, leafing through a toy catalogue.

It was such a nice scene and I was about to say so when my father-in-law said, “Eeeew, these are girls’ toys. You don’t like these!” and quickly turned the page.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I don’t always see eye-to-eye with my father-in-law, but I decided not to start an argument right before dinner, and instead made a mental note to have a chat with my son about how he could play with any toy he liked, and that there was no such thing as boys’ toys and girls’ toys.

That part of the family lives overseas and we only see them every few years, so I don't bother trying to pry open a rusted-closed mind. 

That’s not the case for Mariah*, who sees her sister-in-law, Jayne, all the time, and who has to listen to her make gender-based assumptions about Mariah’s eight-month-old baby.

For example, because the little boy loves to carry around a shopping bag full of his favourite toys, Jayne thinks he’s going to be gay when he grows up.

Sorry Jayne, we didn’t know only some men were allowed to carry shopping bags.  

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Mariah's sister-in-law was making assumptions about her toddler son. Photo: iStock

Sister-in-law assumes baby is going to be gay

Mariah posted about the issue on Reddit; it was bothering her enough that she needed some advice.

“To preface this, I want to state that I am not against any gender nonconformity in any form,” she began.

“I think it’s awesome to teach children that they can be whoever they want to be, and I plan to do that with my son.

“My sister-in-law is against gender stereotypes and has been talking with my baby in a way that bothers me and my husband.”

When Jayne sees the little boy carrying his shopping bag, she says things like, “Ooh what’s in the bag? Do you have make-up? A dress?”

“She’s openly made comments that he will be gay when he’s older (again no problem with this, but my son is eight months old).”

Mariah felt she needed to talk to Jayne about the comments, but didn’t know how to approach it without “sounding like an a**”.

“I know she comes from a place of love and equality, but I don’t want her to continue this as my son grows older.” 

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Sister-in-law has her own gender stereotypes

The Reddit community was sympathetic and had plenty of advice for Mariah.

“She’s projecting her own gender stereotypes onto your kids, saying he must be gay if he likes “feminine things (cause carrying a bag is feminine to her, which shows her own deep gender stereotypes IMO),” one person said.

“Straight boys can like shopping and pink and swirly clothes, just like gay boys can like trucks and dirt. She’s being way out of line.”

“Both my brothers were big into women’s clothes until about eight or nine and they are the most heterosexual pair of fools you would ever meet now,” said another person.

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“Talking about a toddler’s sexuality is weird as f**k,” a third person said.

One person summed it up neatly. “Many people will enjoy a mix of girl-coded and boy-coded things and activities,” they said. “And carrying a bag isn’t a gender thing in the first place. It’s a people-who-have-more-than-a-few-things-to-carry-and-only-two-hands-thing.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as 'My sister-in-law says my baby boy likes ‘girl things’ so he must be gay'