My family lost my toddler and they didn't even realise he was missing

"I ask where he is and no one has seen him. We search the whole house and he's not there..."

When we leave our children in the care of family, we trust them, that our children will be loved, safe and be spoilt, because let's face it that's what grandparents and extended family do for our kids. However, one mum doesn't believe that her family can be trusted again after a scary incident.

Recently, under her family's care - her toddler went missing. She doesn't have a lot of carers outside of family and also wants him to have connections with his grandmother and extended family. While she doesn't want to cut them off completely, they also didn't understand the gravity of him going missing.

She shares, "They are normally not very involved with my kid and never visit me but will help out if I visit them. However yesterday I asked my sister (14) to watch my toddler for a while.

"I saw my mother talk to her and ask her to do something else and say to her that they (my mum and her partner) would look after my kid, before I went," she continues. 

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Anything could have happened

She returned after 20 minutes and he wasn't there. 

"No toddler present. I ask where he is and no one had seen him. We search the whole house and he's not there..."

After what felt like an eternity, he was found. While the poster was relieved to have found her son unharmed, she was angry with her family for not realising that he had wandered off. It was clear that they weren't watching him, something that toddlers will often take advantage of. They don't mean it - they just sometimes go off - without realising the dangers.   

"Luckily my mum's partner found him outside but he had walked quite a bit just in his socks, in the cold. 

"I was so so angry... everyone acted as if it was all ok since he was found but I can't understand it at all, how can you not notice that he's not there? God knows how long it would have taken them to notice if I hadn't come in, and how far he might have gotten," she shares. 

Thankfully, the worst didn't happen, "But anything might have happened. It's about +1°c here, lots of streams, forest, not far from the ocean, and he was on the road which isn't exactly safe either," she ends the story. 

Toddler goes missing under the care of his grandmother and aunt. Source: iStock

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Can she trust her family again?

Now that her son is safe and sound, the mum has a difficult decision - can she trust her family to watch him again after this incident? 

"I don't have much help or me-time, except when I'm visiting family, and I also want him to have meaningful connections with other adults to build trust etc. But now I'm questioning if they can even be trusted to watch him again," she put to reddit. 

Overwhelmingly, people were on the mother's side that the family should not be trusted to watch her son again. Rather reach out to babysitters or local childcare services - calls from neglected children to go with her instincts and not leave her son in the care of her family again. With many pointing out that they weren't remorseful or apologetic about what had occurred.   

"They've proven they can't be trusted to watch him. Don't leave him alone with them again," one very blunt responder wrote.

"They cannot be trusted. I live somewhere where stories like this end with a child drowning in a pool because they weren’t being watched. I also know someone who lost their toddler daughter because there were a whole bunch of adults around to watch her, they all assumed someone was watching her, and in reality no one was and she got outside and drowned in the pool," a horrible story that happens more often than it should. 

"I understand you want your child to know your family but… this is more than a simple mistake. This is straight up carelessness and neglect. They are clearly not fit to be watching any child let alone their own nephew/grandson. I personally would not be able to forgive them," another wrote. 

And finally, "I am so sorry for you. As a single parent I absolutely get how tempting it must be to forgive them to have some family structure close by and maybe have a moment or so for yourself. But that is not possible with these people. We are talking about a toddler out there in the cold by itself. how did it even get out there by itself? I can't imagine how there is a whole bunch of related adults and not one is doting on the child? To be honest, strangers in a restaurant would have done a better job."

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Does the family deserve a second chance?

Many are calling for the mother to cut off from her family completely, there is something to be said for having family present in a child's life. They might not be trusted to have him left alone for now, but some responders did add that the family shouldn't be shut out. 

"I think it's a bit premature to disconnect your entire family. It's so easy for everyone when it's not their family you're just someone on the internet. I think the biggest thing is to make it very clear how bad this was. Them downplaying it is more concerning to me than anything. Saying you will go the rest of that child's preteen life without family support seems too hard to me," one wrote. 

Lastly, "if you're going to allow any of your family to mind him again you need to sit all of them down and set some ground rules that they need to respect and take seriously or else you need to avoid leaving him with them. What the problem here really boils down to is if everyone's responsible for him, nobody's responsible for him."

At the end of the day, thankfully her son was found safe and sound. But it's an important reminder to always be alert with little people, they might have little legs, but they can get far! 

Originally published as My family lost my toddler and they didn't even realise he was missing