‘My ex-wife is trying to take our 11yo’s toys away - she says she’s too old’

“I think it’s a bit cruel … She needs a place where she can feel OK being a young girl and feel some autonomy over her belongings.” 

What’s the right age to stop playing with toys? Ten? 12? Never?

Husband and wife Stephanie* and Mark* have been together for a few years; Mark has an 11-year-old daughter, Felicity*, from a previous marriage, and Stephanie has two children of her own. 

Custody for Felicity is split 50/50 between Mark and his ex-wife, so the 11yo is “around a good chunk of the time”.

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Felicity is "obsessed" with her plushies. Picture: iStock

11yo constantly “sneaking” toys into the house

Recently, when Felicity was staying with her dad and stepmum, Stephanie noticed she had adopted a strange new habit every time she came over. 

Felicity, who shares a room with Stephanie’s daughter, has started “sneaking” her favourite plushie toys into the house. 

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Taking to Reddit, Stephanie explained that the 11yo is “obsessed” with these plushies, and has started leaving them behind when she visits. 

“It was fairly obvious, but I didn't comment on it, nor did my husband,” Stephanie said. 

At first, she brushed it aside; smuggling toys into the house really wasn’t a big deal, so there was no point in bringing it up. 

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That was until Mark received a call from his ex-wife, who explained why their daughter was determined to take the toys with her every time she came over to stay. 

“Apparently, she's been wanting [Felicity] to get rid of the toys because she's getting too old for them,” Stephanie said. Rather than let the 11yo keep her toys, Mark’s ex-wife wanted to “give them to younger family members”.

In Stephanie’s eyes, getting rid of the 11yo’s toys was a “bit cruel”; she was too young to have her toys taken away. “My kids are older than [Felicity], and I don't force them to give away their plushies unless it's obvious they don't care about them anymore,” she said. 

In Felicity’s case, it’s obvious that she isn’t ready to give up her plushies just yet; she wouldn’t go far without them. 

“My husband doesn't really agree either,” Stephanie added. “As he bought most of her collection and feels like he should have a say in what's going with them.” 

While he agreed that the toys shouldn’t be given away if his daughter is still attached to them, Mark “made it clear to me he's not going to say anything as they're technically his toys, and they should be here anyways”. 

But Stephanie is torn about the situation. “Is it wrong if I just don't comment on anything?” she asked. 

“I really don't find harm in letting [Felicity] take them over here either. But then again, as much as I love her as my own, I'm not legally her parent and don't know if I should really get a say in this.”

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“This is her home too”

The thought of snatching toys away from an 11yo was unimaginably cruel to the majority of Redditors.

“It wouldn't surprise me if Felicity is being told its time that she ‘grew up’ and stopped ‘being a baby’ in order to shame her into sharing/giving away her beloved plushies,” a comment read. “She needs a place where she can feel OK being a young girl and feel some autonomy over her belongings.”

One comment read: “Felicity is still young and should be allowed to enjoy her plushies for however long she wants.”

There was no right age to give away our toys, either. “I'm 41 and still have stuffed toys from when I was 12,” someone said. “It's all about the memories.”

“She is only 11 years old. I am 18 and still have some of mine lying around!” said another. 

Others recommended Stephanie take her husband aside and give him a heart-to-heart about the 11yo’s situation. 

“Your husband really needs to have a conversation with his ex about this,” someone advised. “This child should not have to resort to deception to keep things she values from being given away.”

Others encouraged Felicity to stop hiding the toys when she comes over, so she knows she’s welcome to keep her beloved plushies safe.

“Just tell her she doesn't need to 'sneak' anything in,” a person wrote. “This is her home too, and she can have her toys here. If there gets to be an overwhelming amount, then they may need to be stored.” 

“I'd be driving her over and letting her fill the car up,” penned another. “Further, I'd tell her anything she values that her mum wants to dispose of can be brought over, and we would see if it had a home or if it was really time to let it go.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My ex-wife is trying to take our 11yo’s toys away - she says she’s too old’