The big mistake Australian men are making

Australian men are less likely to do this one simple thing that could boost their mental health, and they’re the ones suffering the most.

For some, the arrival of parenthood and family life means a marked difference in the amount and quality of friendships they have.

For others, work, the pandemic, radicalised political views or interstate moves have done the trick.

But one thing is clear: men’s social circles are shrinking, and the results are cause for alarm.

A study out of the US in 2021 found that only 27 per cent of men claimed to have at least six close friends. In the nineties, that number sat around 55 per cent.

And if you read that stat and panicked because six close friends seems like a generous amount, you’re not alone: about 15 per cent reported having no close friendships at all, while in the UK, a 2021 Movember Australia survey found 22 per cent of Aussies – one in five – hadn’t organised a catch up with a close friend in over six months.

Men need their mates. Picture: iStock

Research conducted by YouGov on behalf of Subway last year found that even taking the time to share lunch with a colleague or friend could improve mental health and wellbeing, and showed men were less likely to do so.

The survey of 1002 adults showed a staggering 79 per cent of Australians were either skipping or condensing their lunch break, with over half reporting negative impacts on their physical or mental health because of this. Within that, men (45 per cent) were more likely to skip lunch than women (36 per cent).

A separate 2023 study looking at protective factors for men at risk of suicide found social and relational connectedness to be the strongest.

And while therapeutic intervention must surely form part of the solution, experts believe there are more protective well being measures men can implement to nurture their mental health.

“A lot of research points to the foundation of men’s mental health lying in social connections and meaningful friendships,” Seaway Counselling counsellor and clinical psychotherapist Julie Sweet said.

“Even forming relationships with a small number of people (just one or two) can have a profound impact. By combining lifestyle changes with genuine relationships, it is possible to prioritise and improve their mental health and overall well being.”

Ms Sweet agrees that access to therapeutic intervention is also key.

Psychotherapist Julie Sweet. Picture: Supplied

“In my clinical opinion, psychosocial support, therapeutic intervention, and vulnerability are the cornerstones to improving men’s mental health,” she said.

“Simply put, moving toward rather than away from professional support involves accessing therapy or men’s groups and taking the risk of being vulnerable with a mate, partner, colleague, or trusted person.”

“The process of creating meaningful connections involves, quite literally, reaching out to a friend to reconnect,” she said, adding that returning to old interests, pursuing new hobbies, and developing skills through study or mentorship can be incredibly enriching for a substantial number of men.

“Generally, the most difficult aspect is taking the initiative to make contact in the first place.”

It is for this reason Sweet believes destigmatising and de-gendering notions of self-care is an important part of the conversation.

“Men perform better when they are aware of their feelings and behaviour, so it’s about recognition, self-awareness and action to initiate fundamental behavioural change,” she explained.

“In addition to this, some men may view self-care as a gendered concept. They can often overlook the reality that self-care consists of more than bubble baths and podcasts (as it does for women, too!)

“Instead, it involves setting boundaries, identifying needs, cultivating mindfulness and gratitude, understanding values and myths around traditional masculine identity, and seeking help when required.”

Originally published as The big mistake Australian men are making