James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 22: MAFS husband’s weird sex habit mocked

One MAFS husband’s weird sex habit is publicly revealed, leading to widespread mocking. James Weir recaps.

The Married At First Sight freaks escape the asylum on Monday night and flee to a commune in the Byron Bay hinterland, where drunken chit-chat leaves one humiliated husband being told: “You’d rather go to the gym than f**k ya wife’s p***y”.

In the ‘80s, this was the original idea for the famous Nike slogan before it got workshopped into the more succinct motto of “just do it”.

Not a lot of people know that.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here

It’s time for the annual couples retreat – an excursion where the contestants absolutely destroy a random boomer’s million-dollar investment property.

Thoughts and prayers for the owners of the once-stunning beach house. Imagine just kicking back on the couch this evening and innocently flicking on the telly, only to be accosted by the vision of the MAFS freaks bounding into your beautiful rental home.

Insurance companies are now redrafting their policies to ensure zero payouts for damage caused by Married At First Sight contestants.

Mass destruction. Picture: Channel 9.

MORE: Gross reality of MAFS revealed

It’s not just the property owners who are scared of this getaway.

“I’m not looking forward to being in close quarters with these people. I just want to be left alone,” Lauren tells us.

She makes known her feelings about the other wives.

Jamie? “Boganic.”

Jacqui? “Rough.”

Awhina? “Her nylon hair extensions are gonna be blowing in the wind.”

She even takes a shot about Adrian’s mumbling: “He’s gonna be attempting to speak.”

“It’ll be me hiding under the bed, trying to get away from these freaks,” she snips.

How rude! We’re the only ones who are allowed to call them freaks!

“It’s embarrassing to be associated with them,” she whines.

What? You’ve got absolutely no reason to be embarrassed! These people are your peers. They’re not embarrass-

“Ryan never wants to have sex with me because he wants to save his testosterone for the gym,” Jacqui blurts out to the others, unprompted.

‘I have an important announcement to make …’. Picture: Channel 9.

Ryan is swiftly mocked. He goes into damage control.

“When it comes to our sex life, private and intimate details are not for a group setting,” he tells everyone.

Um … what about when you told all the boys Jacqui gives “awesome head”?

The group — ignoring Ryan’s desperate justifications — proceeds to point and laugh.

Trololololol. Picture: Channel 9.

“She betrayed me!” Ryan declares before dragging his wife away to confront her.

“I’m only gonna say this once. If it happens again, this relationship’s over,” he warns her.

Then Beth, the new British intruder, struts over. She thinks she can clear up the tension.

“All she told us is: you’d rather save your energy for pumping iron rather than her p***y,” she chirps.

Yeah, Ryan. That’s all that was said! Do you feel better now?

“Where’s ya class?” he spits at Beth. “That’s really classless.”

Oops. Picture: Channel 9.

Ryan decides to go dob on Beth to her husband Teejay. Of course, he keeps it classy.

“Teejay, do you feel comfortable with your wife saying things like, ‘You’d rather go to the gym than f**k ya wife’s p***y’?” he yells.

Teejay says what we’re all thinking: “Do you feel comfortable commenting that your wife gives good head? And I wouldn’t call your wife ‘classless’.”

Ryan doubles down with his own classiness.

“I don’t wanna talk about my wife’s vagina in that way!” he booms, the statement echoing out over the Byron hinterland.

Then we cut to the interior of Chris Hemsworth’s bedroom, where the commotion suddenly wakes the Thor actor, who shoots up in bed and immediately calls the local police station to lodge a noise complaint.

“Someone keeps yelling about ... vaginas?” he tells the constable.

Clearly not sick of the subject matter, the group turns its attention to another pussy: Clint — a man under attack from his own wife Lauren about not being alpha enough.

The group decides to target Lauren, who is threatening to leave the retreat and quit the experiment, effective immediately.

Jamie suddenly has a brainwave.

“I think I’ve realised what the issue is: Lauren is a bitch,” she says.

What? Nooo. That’s not true. Lauren is not a bitc-

“The bogans just keep bogan-ing with their boganic ways,” Lauren sighs. “Just another night in paradise with these absolutely feral people.”

She picks up her handbag and glides away.

“This conversation is so boring. I’m done,” she tells the ferals.

‘See ya, losers …’. Picture: Channel 9.

The other wives are stunned.

“She’s such a snob!” Beth shrieks.

“I could feel the hatred coming off her!” gasps Awhina.

“She thinks she’s better than us!” fumes Jamie.

Lauren delivers one final scathing assessment.

“They’re f**king losers,” she snips.

Hey! That’s not nice!

Sure, they are losers. But still. Don’t say it within earshot on TV.

When we insult the MAFS freaks, it’s behind their backs on the internet.

That’s called being polite.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 22: MAFS husband’s weird sex habit mocked