Joe Biden’s not-quite-as-bad-as-it-could-have-been press conference fixes nothing

Joe Biden managed not to totally faceplant during his press conference today – though he came close. It wasn’t enough.

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“Anyway.”

That’s the go-to word these days, whenever Joe Biden’s train of thought derails mid-sentence.

“I’ve been thinking about the state of our marriage. I really don’t think it’s fair that you … anyway. Bolognese for dinner, is it?”

“Can you believe what’s happening at the Jets? That quarterback of theirs is … anyway. The 1940s were a hell of a time.”

That sort of thing. Sometimes the derailment is mild, more of a quick breakdown really, and we’re moving forward along the same track again after a minute or two. And sometimes the thought has plummeted off a cliff to be gone for good, lost in a burning heap of wreckage.

“Hakuna mata … anyway. How about those hyenas? Back in my day wildebeest were our only worry. Strawberry jam. Not a joke.” Picture: Saul Loeb/AFP

It’s not the mixing up of names that makes Mr Biden so excruciating to watch in this undignified twilight of his political career. Donald Trump often forgets which city he’s in. A few months back he spent an entire speech confusing former House speaker Nancy Pelosi, a Democrat, with his top opponent for the Republican nomination, Nikki Haley.

That’s standard, harmless old guy stuff. The moment when Mr Biden called Volodymyr Zelensky “President Putin” on Thursday was embarrassing, and funny, but has no lasting effect on America’s policy stance towards Ukraine and Russia.

The US President’s inability to form coherent sentences, though? The fact that people have stopped bothering to parse the substance of his remarks, and are instead tuning in merely to cringe through his next gaffe? That matters.

The leader of the free world, as Americans so dearly love to call their president, is no longer being taken seriously. He’s a walking punchline. That matters.

“President Putin! Great to see you again, man. You need to get the hell out of Czechoslovakia though.” Picture: Brendan Smiaklowski/AFP

“Give it up for Vice President Trump, folks! I hear he shot a 75 at Doral the other day. Hot damn.” Picture: Mandel Ngan/AFP

There are two pesky questions here. One: is Mr Biden capable of doing the job for another four-and-a-half years? Two: is he capable of beating Mr Trump in November’s election? The first is more important, the second will determine what happens next, and the answer to both is straying dangerously close to a firm, irrevocable no.

“I’ve just got to pace myself a little more,” Mr Biden said during his NATO summit press conference, before tacking on a complaint that his staff, the sheer cheek of them, add events to his schedule “all the time”. As though having a full schedule as President of the United States is an unreasonable imposition.

I get to whine when someone adds a work meeting to my calendar at 5pm on a Friday. How important could a discussion about SEO strategy possibly be? Substitute that for a meeting of the White House National Security Council, and, you know what, I think I’d tolerate it.

When Mr Trump was president, he famously spent most mornings lazing around in the presidential residence, watching television, posting malicious tweets and avoiding anything that resembled serious work. Now we have a guy who can barely make it past 8pm unless he sets aside some time for a nap.

So as things stand, perhaps the most consequential US presidential election of our lifetime is boiling down to a choice between one intellectually spent old man you would barely consider hiring to run a small business, and another chronically delusional old man you wouldn’t trust to babysit his own grandchildren. I’ll let you decide which is which.

“What a sleep-in that was. Maybe the best we’ve ever seen. Lots of people are saying it. Strong people, highly respected people. Tears in their eyes, they told me, ‘Sir, siiiiiiir, we’ve never seen anyone sleep like that.’ Sleepier even than Sleepy Joe, maybe. I call him Sleepy Joe. What a guy.” Picture: Andrew Caballero-Reynolds/AFP

Put it this way: the American presidency ages almost everyone. Quite horrendously. Compare photos of George W. Bush in 2000, or Barack Obama in 2008, to those of the same men after eight years of ungodly stress, sleepless nights and presumably bone-chilling intelligence reports.

Joe Biden was already ancient when he took the job, which goes some distance towards explaining why he’s such an old, old 81 now. Meanwhile, Mr Trump’s four years in the White House barely aged him at all, which betrays a frankly unsettling indifference towards his responsibilities.

Who is worse? A president who feels the full weight of his duties, but is too mentally infirm to bear them competently? Or a president who is a little, teensy bit sharper, but doesn’t give a damn about anyone other than himself?

Maybe, perhaps, possibly, with just a skerrick of self-awareness, either or both of these men would ponder stepping aside. Oh, we ask so much of them.

“And Taco Tuesdays will be enshrined in law. In law! That is my promise to you. Back in Scranton we had tacos on Wednesday nights, but that’s neither here nor there. And someone tell Kim Jong-un … well, you know what I mean.” Picture: Mandel Ngan/AFP

That Mr Biden, in his condition, has convinced himself there is no better person to be president is … well, anyway. Imagine a world in which Michael Jordan, in 2024, was still clinging on to the shooting guard position at the Bulls. It’s preposterous.

If Mr Biden were 10 points ahead of Mr Trump in the polls, he could probably get away with hiding from the public until the election. But he’s behind, and will remain so unless something dramatic changes the dynamic.

How is he supposed to deliver such a monumental change, given the absolute state of him? He needs to be out and about, making his case, holding press conferences, doing long, tough interviews, prosecuting the argument.

But he can’t. He can’t be trusted to participate in anything other than the most tightly scripted events, lest he suffer another catastrophic senior moment.

It is so very obviously untenable. Vice President Kamala Harris, for all her flaws as a politician – and there are many – can at least speak somewhat reliably. And if she were to become the Democratic candidate, the American voter would have an alternative to the self-absorbed gerontocracy currently monopolising their politics.

Or we can just continue as we are, hoping no world events arise requiring the input of a cogent, competent American president. That’s a wonderful plan.

Twitter: @SamClench