Cruising: is short haul cruising crazy or total travel bargain genius?

STICK 3000 guests and more than a thousand staff members on the same ship for 36 hours, and you’re in for an interesting ride.

OK, SO cruising isn’t for everyone. There are lovers and loathers.

But if it is something you have been tempted to try but worry about potentially being ‘stuck’ on a ship for 10 days, the two-day cruise I’ve just disembarked from gives you a perfect taste of cruise life.

Whether you are ‘Rousey’ and his mates (all in matching embroidered T-shirts and on board celebrating his 40th); a family of six doing a trip back home to Melbourne from a visit to Sydney, gentle retired couples, a gang of race-going mates, a gaggle of girlfriends, or someone like me, who is heading to the Spring Racing Carnival, the journey between Sydney and Melbourne was never more, well, different.

I’m just helping the captain out.

During those 538 nautical miles (that’s around 990km or approximately one hour on a plane) you actually have time to take a tour of the galley and the bridge. And while some of you may roll your eyes with boredom as soon as I mention that, I actually learnt some interesting stuff.

Like this particular ship — the Golden Princess — left Sydney with 150 tonnes of totally fresh produce on board, as the ship was going onto another trip for eight more days.

With a huge Australian guest list, I learned from the head chef Andrea Baiardo, that Aussies prefer lamb over lobster (crustaceans are an American cruiser fave, by the way); that we drink more cocktails than any other nationality on board, tea consumption is greater from Australians and we prefer our beer straight out of a bottle. Standard. (But a nice little slice of Aussie culinary behaviour for you.)

The thing about this ship is that is took about 36 hours to go from Sydney to Melbourne. While that is a big chunk out of any working week, it was, for many, a mini holiday, with one full day at sea and two nights. And there are Wi-Fi packages: so (intermittent) connection guaranteed. Hallelujah!

We arrived in Melbourne very, very early on Friday, having left late on Wednesday, and were picked up by a river pilot about 3am before we sailed into Port Melbourne with all of the fanfare of helicopters flying around the ship with huge “Welcome to Melbourne” flags.

Sure, cruising is not for everyone. But if you pick and choose your on and off board activities — whether that includes lots or none at all — I actually found it a really pleasant way to get to Melbourne.

I got some work done; was in a new environment and like so many of us can do now, worked remotely the entire time. Perfect!

And we haven’t even spoken about the cost yet. (See below for those some pretty impressive details.)

THE GOOD THINGS:

• The food is seriously endless and bloody good. The Princess Cruises group have done a culinary deal with celebrity chef Curtis Stone. There are a handful of dishes (created mainly by Italian chefs) including Stone’s famous roasted pork belly (570 servings of that went down on Thursday night) and his chicken and leek pot pie which are both on the menu in a handful of the ‘smarter’ restaurants on board. And don’t forget there are seemingly countless bars and buffets of all varieties dotted around the ship and the pools.

This is much more relaxing than flying to Melbourne.

A bit of lobster for lunch.

• Never forget that on a ship, you can do as little as you want or as much as you want. There is no pressure to do a thing.

• On any one day there are personal training sessions, LGBT get-togethers, musical bingo, karaoke madness, origami lessons, pampering seminars and yes, something called the Skywalkers Nightclub. A disco divas paradise. (Of course I popped in!)

• Oh, and there are acupuncture sessions, Zumba classes, trivia challenges, carpet bowls, blackjack tournaments, piano recitals, outdoor movies, ping pong tournaments, impressionists, line dancing lessons and one very full on British Invasion theatre show. Think Rolling Stones, The Beatles et al ...

Time to workout with a view.

• I love the fact that once you are unpacked, you are unpacked. No schlepping from hotel to hotel or city to city with constant packing and unpacking.

• And if you are not liking your two days sojourn, don’t fret. It is ONLY two days, but I seriously challenge you to find something you will NOT savour. Even looking out to sea from your balcony gives you a sense of quiet, calm, thinking time.

• There were 200 kids on this ship and we saw hardly any — they are SO well catered for that you’d never know they were on board.

The spa looks tempting.

• Everyone on board is genuinely friendly — whether that’s because many were en route to the Spring Racing Carnival, who knows? Spirits just seemed to be high as most guests are in holiday mode

• You arrive relaxed, maybe slightly overweight (boy, the food never stops) and provided you don’t get motion sickness, you are going to have a brilliant sleep. I promise.

• The Lotus Spa — the ships signature named pampering posse — gave me the most wicked hot stone massage — my muscles are still reeling in ecstasy. There are also facials, manis, pedis, teeth whitening treatments (yup!) and whatever your beauty heart desires.

Good morning Melbourne.

THE NOT SO GOOD THINGS:

• Like everything, you get what you pay for — so you’re not going to get caviar and Krug champagne — but this isn’t one of those smaller, much pricier cruises where that is the culinary norm.

• You really have to be careful of your on-board account card, as it is used for drinking, gaming, shopping and spa treatments. It’s easy to rack up ‘unexpected’ bucks you didn’t realise you were spending.

• Like everywhere in life, not every guest is going to be your cup of, well, whatever, but this ship is SOO big it is incredibly easy to avoid anyone who may have rubbed you up the wrong way.

• I am being honest here, but the slight odour from the poor guest who threw up not far from my room took a while to subside but there were plenty of cleaners on duty 24/7 trying getting rid of the stench.

• This particular cruise is not a runway fashion show: I really wouldn’t bother packing anything too grand or glam. The bejewelled earrings and killer designer heels stayed in my suitcase.

• A few guests twirled around the ship sans shoes — something I never quite get — not for any silly style reason but more from a safety point of view. There are a few moments of delicate walkway diplomacy needed.

• Oh, and there is no way you can make the ship go any faster — this is a ‘commitment’ travel. So be prepared.

***

Packages for this particular two night jaunt started at $470 per person. And when you do your sums and work out what you get, it’s mighty good value.

Considering that includes an extremely comfortable room (it had the best bed and fabulous linen), all food, a small balcony with an uninterrupted sea view (that’s an essential, I reckon), as much entertainment as you want, adults-only and all-ages pools, in room TV, a good size bathroom and basically whatever activity you want to do. Yes. It’s great value.

And while the Princess Line isn’t in the incredibly up-market league of Seabourn or Silver Seas or Crystal Cruises, 1.7 million people make a journey on one of the cruise company’s 18 ships each year. And that number is growing ridiculously huge each year. Australians, it seems, love cruising

Sure, it may have only been 36 hours, but it gave me a taste of a new way of affordable and everyday cruising from one major city to the other.

As of today, this ship is now calling Melbourne home over summer and the one thing it is out to prove is that mainstream and affordable cruising has gone from daggy and at-times questionable to fun very, very tasty, super organised and efficient..

And, hey, what a terrific way for my race day hatbox to travel.

Now, it’s time to hop off and gear up to giddy up!

Getting into the Melbourne Cup spirit.

Everyone is in good spirits today.

• Melissa Hoyer was a guest of Princess Cruises on the Golden Princess from Sydney to Melbourne just in time to #giddyup!