Aussie’s shock at change after 3.5 years away

This LA-based Aussie has lived around the world. But when she returned to Australia after 3.5 years away, she wasn’t prepared for the culture shock – or what she’d discover while shopping.

Australians sound so freaking Australian.

That was my first reaction as I flew into Sydney Airport three-and-a-half years since my last visit – my longest ever period away from Australia – just before Christmas.

It’s not like the odd random voice you’ll hear at an Aussie cafe in Los Angeles. EVERYONE at the airport is falling over themselves with nasal voices, thick flat vowels and upward inflections at the end of all their sentences. It feels like Kath & Kim was everywhere.

The accents are so strong that my children can’t really understand people, so I have to translate locals to them and vice versa.

The culture shock is real. Here are nine more first impressions of a returning Australian …

1. The coffee is phenomenal

Sydney Airport has ACTUALLY DEADSET great coffee. Toby’s Estate! It was perfect and I almost died. Last time I visited I would never risk an airport latte.

In Brisbane years ago, I remember stopping at a 7-Eleven as it was the only thing open that early in the morning. Now I see queues at 7am in West End. At Cups on Melbourne the oat milk latte was perfect.

Barista coffee: Two good ways to make coffee are using a French press or a stovetop espresso maker (also called a Moka pot).

2. Tipping culture does not exist and I’m so relieved

It’s an absolute joy not to tip as mandatory! The tip jar at the cafe was empty – yay!

3. Supermarkets are empty

In Brisbane, I went to Harris Farm and no one was there really on a Tuesday evening. In LA, Trader Joes is always packed. Enjoy, Australians, all those empty aisles.

4. Food is amazing and cheap

I found two-for-$4 punnets of raspberries! In LA they’re an indulgence I would pay $US4 a punnet for. And cucumbers – the huge long ones – were a steal at four for $5. Watermelon is so cheap too, and the mangoes: seven different kinds all for sale in Coles for super cheap! So delicious.

5. Vegemite has changed

What on earth is happening with Vegemite? Why is it named Pizza and Pho?

Who can go past vegemite?

6. Crossing the road is different Down Under

I’d forgotten the noise traffic lights make for Australian pedestrian crossings – and the huge button is so nice to hit with your elbow, so smooth. California’s ones are stiff and yuck and in New York, there are zero buttons, you just go with the flow. But how do you Australians even see the green/red light people? They’re tiny compared to the USA!

Crossing the road

7. Aussies are friendly

Lots of people say GOOD MORNING and HI for no particular reason.

8. I’m a bit shocked by how people look

This sounds mean – but people are not very attractive. They’re not making any effort in their appearance. I saw maybe only one person dressed up at the airport. In Brisbane, everyone was wearing athletic clothes or work clothes. In Canberra, everyone looks like they just need to duck home to get changed before dinner, but all the time. And in Batemans Bay there were people wearing no shoes at the shopping centre.

9. There are birds everywhere

Both in the city and country, there’s just so many bird songs. LA does have different birds (the hummingbirds!) but there’s just not as much singing or beautiful Australian bird sounds.

Amelia is an executive producer at Earwolf Podcast Network, now based in Los Angeles.

This article originally appeared on Escape and has been republished with permission