NRL merger club failures exposed by children’s entertainer

The Wests Tigers merger has been exposed as an unmitigated atrocity by a bloke responsible for 20 years of nursery rhyme bangers.

Anthony Field with son Antonio at Leichhardt Oval in March. Picture Instagram

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The Wests Tigers merger has been exposed as an unmitigated atrocity by a bloke responsible for 20 years of nursery rhyme bangers.

Anthony Field, the famed Wiggles frontman and prominent Tigers diehard, has stated his dream to one day prise apart the joint venture and restore his beloved Balmain as a stand-alone entity.

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With the troubled merger currently 90% controlled by Wests Magpies, Field declared to The Daily Telegraph if The Wiggles brand was ever sold that he’d happily pony-up the $7.50 needed to buy out the Tigers.

While stopping short of labelling the merger a repugnant stepchild, Field’s comments inferred he’d rather support a barely-solvent Balmain than a marriage as hazardous as Leichhardt Oval itself.

No doubt the Wiggle’s offer was a well-intentioned show of support - or a cry for help from someone trapped inside a dungeon of gloom - but nevertheless exposed a darker truth about the woes of rugby league’s mergers:

Namely, they’re a horrible idea.

Anthony Field with son Antonio at Leichhardt Oval in March. Picture: Instagram

2023 has been the year of the lamentable joint venture, with the sickly states of St George-Illawarra and the Wests Tigers proving sham marriages are as en vogue as handbags and hip drops.

And while everybody furiously agreed when Field suggested “the world would be a better place if Balmain came back” - because it would mean Souths would still be barred from the comp - his feelings provided a tragic glimpse inside married life.

Put simply, it’s a world where no matter how hard you try or how many isolated premierships you pinch, meshing the divergent demands of two rugby league clubs is so pointless that you might as well fold.

Established in the year 2000, the Wests Tigers joint venture has paired the Tigers and Magpies entities as agreeably as mashed potato and Deep Heat.

The Wests Tigers have endured years of pain. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

With only the 2005 premiership and a handful of finals appearances to speak of, this unlikely marriage has struggled with the irredeemable fissures between western suburbs fibro and the pretentious pasta of Balmain.

Field’s proposal to consciously uncouple the pair is the manifestation of 20+ years of cruelty, and while amicable in nature, included a broadside at the Wests faction that may never be forgiven.

The Wiggle’s suggestion to relocate the Magpies a smidge further west from Campbelltown to Perth is, in rugby league parlance, akin to insulting the prophet.

If you haven’t heard, The Perth Joke is the go-to for any discerning rugby league provocateur, a cheap shot saved only for the gravest losses, sagas, and Cronulla.

By firing this missile direct towards their bedfellows, Field’s gentle proposal might actual be masking his intentions to violently seize control- and it might not be as insane as it sounds.

The St George Illawarra Dragons have also encountered numerous problems as a merger club. (Photo by Chris Hyde/Getty Images)

As a man with a certified ability to communicate with five year olds, the Blue Wiggle could be the man to finally get through to the dysfunctional Tigers administration.

Allow him control and he could replace Justin Pascoe with Jeff (less sleeping on the job), then make Lee Hangipantelis replace his fedora with a polka-dot wide-brim and instruct him to speak strictly in hand movements.

Additionally, with the merged entity valued at $20m and The Wiggles brand at almost $50m, Field could offload the Big Red Car and have a war chest to chase a better halves combination, like Sam Walker and Captain Feathersword.

Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad.

He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.