All Kevin Walters needs for Christmas is two NRL premierships

Kevin Walters has been subject to innuendo, corporate surveillance, wafer thin contracts and players openly mocking him.

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA - MARCH 24: Broncos coach Kevin Walters and Adam Reynolds of the Broncos speak after the round four NRL match between the Dolphins and Brisbane Broncos at Suncorp Stadium on March 24, 2023 in Brisbane, Australia. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

Kevin Walters has built a squad dripping with strike power that can thrill the pants off rugby league and catapult the Broncos to long-awaited premiership glory, and it probably won’t be enough to save his bacon.

Sound crazy? Not when you consider his coaching career has been mercilessly dogged by haters and doubters, and that’s just his workplace colleagues.

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While Walters’ feet have been under the desk at Red Hill since 2021, he’s never felt like he can confidently kick off the shoes and let his toes waft through the office air-conditioning like a true alpha-boss should.

Why? Because from day one his position has been subject to innuendo, corporate surveillance, wafer thin contracts and players openly mocking him across various platforms.

It’s as hazardous as war or caucus, and whether its leaks, insurmountable performance clauses, or simply hiring Ben Ikin to micro-manage, the Broncos’ ‘favourite son’ will remain under scrutiny until he at least goes back-to-back, preferably in the same season.

Even then, the Broncos would still likely discard him for Craig Bellamy whenever he becomes available, or Craig Fitzgibbon, or even Craig McLachlan. Literally any Craig will do.

Is it hot in here? Picture: Liam Kidston.

Walters and his Broncos have produced a rip-snorting opening four rounds to sit atop the NRL ladder, with their latest triumph a pulsating 18-12 derby win over the Dolphins on Friday night.

Boasting a coterie of red-blooded racehorses that can shred from all over the park, the side is drawing comparisons to the famous 90’s Broncos teams that snapped-up premierships like an involuntary bodily reaction.

If Walters somehow emulates these legendary sides of yore, not only will he end Brisbane’s 16 year premiership drought, he will be celebrated as the most unconvincing premiership coach since Gordon Bombay.

For those unaware, the Broncos reluctantly appointed Walters in September 2020 after cutting his teeth at lesser organisations in Ipswich, Le Catalans and Queensland.

His signing finally came after years ignoring his overtures, with bosses only relenting after deciding someone else should clean-up the utter degradation of the Anthony Seibold years.

Broncos coach Kevin Walters and Adam Reynolds. Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images.

As an old boy who intimately knows the club’s fabric – i.e. the preferred drinking holes - Walters never made a secret of his desire to coach his beloved former side. This was despite the club sacking him as an assistant coach in 2005 and rejecting him again in 2019, but only after allegedly stealing his Better Never Stops pitch for their own club marketing.

Despite this unique spin on the horrific ‘full support of the board’, Walters was able to regroup to lead the club to 14th in his first year before overseeing last year’s spectacular fade to 9th.

This accomplishment has since been rewarded by the Broncos with a generous contract extension, however this was ultimately exposed as a bedpan disguised as a birthday cake.

While providing Walters with two more years of security, the offer was reportedly riddled with thorny performance clauses and the ability to be sacked without a hefty payout, a dangerous predicament for any role demanding religious Friday Frothies with Allan Langer.

It was almost as insulting as Tyson Gamble and Selwyn Cobbo questioning his credentials via the evils of garage podcasting, a stunning pair of developments further exacerbated when Cobbo referred to the coach in his online apology as ‘Ken’.

Nevertheless, Walters can emerge unscathed from all of this inside noise, and all he needs to do is emulate the 92-93 dynasty before Christmas.