‘Grotesquely cruel’: Embarrassing record hapless NRL club faces

There is a scary truth the Wests Tigers are looking down the barrel of with signs the Benji Marshall fairytale was a hoax all along.

Benji didn’t know what he was signing up for. Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images.

By following last year’s wooden spoon with three straight defeats to begin 2023, the Wests Tigers could be the first team in history to finish last and still go backwards.

In fact, the beleaguered joint venture has plunged so low after Sunday’s loss to the Bulldogs that even their hopes and aspirations have become near-subterranean.

The 26-22 defeat at Belmore was more classic Tigers piecemeal, with Tim Sheens’ side spending 65 minutes in grievous constipation before cruelly instilling hope with a four minute burst almost as blinding as John Bateman’s incandescent legs.

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With the loss further burying the year as another write-off, the club and its plucky fans have been left with nothing to do but ache again for their famous glory days.

We all know this magic era they long for; it’s the most treasured in Tiger Town history, a time when the serotonin wasn’t flooded in tears and life had meaning:

It’s when they were a ninth-placed meme.

Hope is a dangerous thing. Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images.

For those unaware, the 2016-2019 era at Wests was renowned for edging inches short of September, with the club finishing the season ninth three out of the four years. It was a magnificent time, with supporters emboldened by the mere sniff of semi-finals and players with the adrenaline of booking-in Bali Mad Mondays later than June.

Historians have rated the Ninth Years almost as ‘Peak Tigers’ as Robbie Farah drinking a tinnie on the Leichhardt Oval scoreboard after falling out with the coach. It was undeserved, it was grotesquely cruel, and it endlessly fuelled the internet — and the Tigers would give anything to have it back.

After everything that’s been inflicted on this team, you can’t blame them for nostalgically longing for the sweet sensation of being mocked for missing finals. After all, going viral for a premature evacuation is heaps better than another spoon and contract payout.

Better yet, ninth place is way more palatable than referencing the 2005 premiership. Not only are Tigers fans weakened by this albatross, the underwhelming second coming of Sheens — and the promise of Benji Marshall taking the job in 2025 — means we can’t be sure anymore this fairytale isn’t an anthropological hoax like Bigfoot or Darren Lockyer’s hair.

So you’re telling me there’s a chance! Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images.

However, with all due respect to the 72 year old coach, his struggles are hardly a surprise considering the club’s off-season recruits.

With Api Koroisau’s viral pfffffting of the club, Isaiah Papali’i’ agitating to renege and the returning David Nofoaluma making no secret of his longing for the Melbourne Storm, Sheens has been tasked with inspiring a team full of blokes who’d rather be somewhere else.

Even with the NRL generously front-loading home games at Fortress Leichhardt — once an imposing cauldron of bottlenecks now easily escapable thanks to the en masse departure after 60 minutes – the joint venture has failed to capitalise.

It proves once again that much like Parramatta, Gold Coast and The Bunker, the Wests Tigers are one of those places that can’t have nice things. It’s no wonder they’re yearning for their cruel ‘happy place.’