‘This is carnage’: England’s heart ripped out in Ashes annihilation

England still have a mountain to climb to resuscitate the Ashes series but Mitchell Starc and Scott Boland have made it Everest.

England cannot catch a trick on this Ashes tour as the Australian quick bowlers tore the visitors to shreds once again.

England responded to being bowled out for 185 on day one to limit Australia to 267, bowling the home side out late on day two to hold the door open for an Ashes comeback.

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The 82-run deficit was always going to be the first goal for the English to build a defendable second innings lead, but the Aussie quicks have had other plans in a stunning finish to the day.

England are reeling at 4/31 after Mitchell Starc and Scott Boland took two wickets each to leave the MCG rocking in a match changing hour to stumps on day two of the Boxing Day Test.

After an early life for Zak Crawley where he edged it between Alex Carey and David Warner, he was soon out to Starc after a simple edge to Carey.

But next ball he had two in two as he nabbed Dawid Malan LBW with a ball that would have clipped the top of the bail.

“England are having the worst possible start to this second innings,” Adam Gilchrist said after the dismissal of Malan.

Starc went as close as you can to a Test hat-trick. Photo by Michael Klein.

He then bowled to Joe Root for the hat-trick ball, and drew the English captain into a false shot but only just missed the edge.

Hat-trick balls don't get much closer than that! 🥵

Mitch Starc on fire and the MCG has erupted! #Ashespic.twitter.com/lVniO4V0k1

— cricket.com.au (@cricketcomau) December 27, 2021

But it left England 2-7 and even English journalist Isabelle Westbury was blown away by the Aussies’ relentless attack.

“I’m going to take my England hat off here. this stuff from both ends, the relentlessness, the speed, the poor batters are like rabbits in headlights,” she said on Triple M.

Root not quite good enough to nick it. Starc's rhythm is scary good #Ashes

— Dan-yule Brettig 🎄 (@danbrettig) December 27, 2021

Mitchell Starc misses an #Ashes hat-trick by a whisker! What an opening burst this has been.

— S. Sudarshanan (@Sudarshanan7) December 27, 2021

Although Aussie skipper Pat Cummins was unlucky not to join in the wickettaking, an astute change for hometown hero Boland deepened England’s misery.

Boland caught the edge of opener Haseeb Hameed for the easiest of catches for Carey.

Boland was almost on a hat-trick after his first ball to nightwatchman Jack Leach bounced over the stumps, but the “G” was pumping the next ball as Boland hitting the top of off-stump after Leach shouldered arms.

Scott Boland was on fire. Photo by Michael Klein.

The hometown boy’s done good. Photo by Michael Klein.

Fox Cricket’s Kath Loughnan tweeted: “This is carnage. And the G is HEAVING”.

England still need 51 runs to make Australia bat again with Joe Root on 12 and Ben Stokes on 2 needing to do plenty of work to save the Ashes.

Australia all out for 267

Scott Boland was the last Australian wicket to fall, opening up a lead of 82 heading into the second innings.

Australia’s tail wagged, as Pat Cummins scored 21, Mitchell Starc 24 not out and Boland six to add a valuable 48 runs for the final two wickets.

Even better for Australia, the new rock will be in the Aussie quick’s hands for the final hour of play after the start was delayed due to England’s Covid scare this morning.

English star’s resurrection ‘up with the best’

England must have boarded its flight for Australia under a ladder, across a path made if broken mirrors and covered in black cats because the side’s luck can’t get any worse.

Facing another second innings deficit while already 2-0 down, England were looking to limit the damage as Australia had to fight to build a lead.

But as Pat Cummins and Mitchell Starc built a stubborn resistance, for the ninth wicket, it looked to be a fresh nightmare for England.

Starc smashed a ball off Ollie Robinson straight back at the bowler but the quick couldn’t hold on to the hot chance, ending up flat on his back.

But as he stood up, the dropped chance looked to have been made much worse when the bowler grabbed at his hamstring.

“It’s a shame. Leading wicket-taker for England at the moment, he’s bowled well through the series,” Warne said of Robinson.

“It’s a real shame. It’s only a tiny little limp. It might just be a little tweak, a little bit of rest, a little bit of ice, hopefully he might be OK.”

Ollie Robinson was resurrected in no time. Photo: Fox Sports

But Robinson went straight off the field and it looked like it could have been a lot more serious.

NSW quick Trent Copeland believed it was the last we would see of Robinson for the match.

“Ugh. That sucks. For Ollie, but also this match in general. So hard to win a bowler down, even if they can take this last wicket quickly,” he tweeted.

But just as England were looking for any way to turn their luck around, Robinson ran back onto the field and grabbed the ball for the next over.

“I’ve seen some comebacks in my time and that’s up there with the best,” ex-England skipper Michael Vaughan said.

Carey falls to reverse swing

Australian wicketkeeper Alex Carey has been dismissed for 19, falling victim to Ben Stokes’ reverse swing.

Stokes got the ball to nip away from the left-hander, who was tempted into a drive and edged the ball through to English gloveman Jos Buttler.

The Aussies are now eight down at the MCG, with Mitchell Starc the new man in the middle.

Joe Root did seem to indicate in the last over from the Robinson end that there was some reverse swing in the air. No surprises that he’s gone straight to Ben Stokes #Ashes

— Bharat Sundaresan (@beastieboy07) December 27, 2021

Leach gets his first wicket

England tweaker Jack Leach has removed young all-rounder Cameron Green for 17, trapping him on the front pad with a flatter delivery that skidded past the inside edge.

Green called for the review, but Hawkeye showed that the ball would have clipped the top of leg stump.

Australia captain Pat Cummins makes his way to the middle after taking three wickets yesterday.

Harris falls short of maiden Test century

England veteran James Anderson has dismissed Marcus Harris with an absolute jaffa.

Coming from around the wicket, Anderson got the Kookaburra to nip away from the left-hander, catching the shoulder of the bat and flying towards Joe Root at first slip, who takes a smart catch low to the turf.

Harris returns to the sheds for 76, falling three runs short of his highest score in Test cricket.

Anderson currently has figures of 3/23 from 17 overs.

James Anderson celebrates with his teammates. Photo by Robert Cianflone/Getty Images

Robinson gets key breakthrough

After combining with Marcus Harris for a fifty-run stand, Australian No. 5 Travis Head has been dismissed by Ollie Robinson for 27.

The left-hander flashed at a fifth-stump line delivery from Robinson, with the outside edge flying towards England captain Joe Root in the slip cordon.

Young all-rounder Cameron Green is the new man in the middle.

England captain slammed for ‘bizarre’ strategy

England skipper Joe Root has copped criticism for his use of spinner Jack Leach on day two of the MCG Test.

Leach, who has a considerably better record bowling to right-handed batters, was not brought into the attack until there were two left-handers at the crease. The 30-year-old averages more than 61 when bowling to left-handed batters in Test cricket.

England were desperate for wickets in the afternoon session, yet Root placed four fielders on the boundary and nobody around the bat.

Leach then bowled from around the wicket, with all of his deliveries directed at the pads. Although he was getting turn and bounce on the MCG deck, he persisted with targeting leg stump – to no avail.

Former Australian spinner Kerry O’Keeffe called the tactics “so disappointing”.

“C’mon Joe,” he muttered on Fox Cricket.

“There’s just been a mistrust of Jack Leach for so long.”

Australian cricket legend Allan Border continued: “I don’t get it, I really don’t.”

Sports presenter Daniel Garb tweeted: “This is bizarre from Joe Root. They won the first session, the quicks had Australia under pressure and they start the next session with Jack Leach bowling to a spread out field.”

Former Australian spinner Brad Hogg posted: “Leach around the wicket straight away to Head shows lack of confidence. Get over the wicket first up and try and get batsman to hit against spin.”

Jack Leach must be thrilled to have flown half way across the world to bowl a foot outside leg stump… #Ashes

— Mathew Thompson (@MathewJThompson) December 27, 2021

Leach getting turn and bounce and bowling at leg stump 🥱 #Ashes

— Dan-yule Brettig 🎄 (@danbrettig) December 27, 2021

Leach finally switched to over the wicket with a more attacking field for his sixth over, and immediately started creating chances.

Fifty for Harris

Marcus Harris was under pressure leading into the Boxing Day Test, but the left-hander has compiled a gritty half-century at the MCG.

It’s his first Test fifty since January 2019.

The Victorian opener reached the minor milestone in 130 deliveries, with his knock featuring six boundaries.

What a shot to bring up 50 - close to the shot of The Ashes - good on you Marcus Harris! Gutsy! #Ashes

— Taylor Auerbach (@tauerbach) December 27, 2021

Smith departs cheaply

Australian vice-captain Steve Smith is back in the sheds, with veteran seamer James Anderson bowling him for 16 in the morning session.

Anderson got the ball to deck into the right-handed Smith, and the inside edge ricocheted into the pegs. The delivery broke one of the bails, and replacements were rushed onto the field.

Travis Head is the new man in the middle.

Photo reveals Ashes is completely different

After today’s Covid scare that saw four members of the England camp test positive, new precautions are being taken.

A photo of the visiting players not in the XI sitting along the MCG boundary showed them wearing gloves as they handle their teammates’ drinks and gear.

England players running drinks with protective gloves #Ashespic.twitter.com/SrqoVGJKhh

— Andrew McCormack (@_AMcCormack7) December 27, 2021

Marnus out early as England starts strongly

Mark Wood couldn’t bowl for the first 18 minutes on Monday after leaving the field late on day one, but he made a major impact when given his chance to shine.

Recalled to the side after being excluded from the second Test, he bowled the perfect channel to dismiss Marnus Labuschagne for one.

Labuschagne fended at a good-length ball outside off stump and edged to Joe Root at first slip. That brought Steve Smith into the middle at 3-84.

It’s the first time Labuschagne has been out for single figures in an Ashes Test — a disappointing return in his first innings since overtaking Joe Root as the No. 1 ranked Test batter in the world.

Cricket reporter Daniel Cherny revealed on Twitter it’s the first time Labuschagne has been dismissed for less than 47 in Australia’s first innings of a Test since February 2019.

Labuschagne was struck above the hip as a painful blow brought him to his knees, and shortly after he was walking back to the pavilion.

Marnus couldn’t make an impact. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)

More Covid chaos hits the Ashes

Covid has caused havoc once again with the cricket.

England released a statement at around 9.30am AEDT — approximately one hour before the first ball of the day was due to be bowled — saying the team was remaining in its hotel following a positive test result among the family group.

The players underwent rapid tests and were staying put while they waited for the results.

“The England team and management are currently at the team hotel awaiting results of RFT Covid tests following a positive test in the team’s family group,” the statement said.

At 9.45am, it was confirmed England had been given the all-clear to leave the hotel and make its way to the MCG — easing concerns the Test could be dramatically affected.

As a result of England’s late arrival, the start of play was pushed back 30 minutes to 11am AEDT.

However, 20 minutes before play was scheduled to get underway at the MCG, Cricket Australia confirmed that four members of the England camp had tested positive to Covid-19 – two support staff and two family members.

The affected quartet are currently isolating.

“The entire playing group and all other support staff have undertaken Rapid Antigen Tests this morning and all have tested negative. The England Cricket team will also have PCR tests today, and both teams will take extra precautions throughout play. Both playing squads remain unchanged,” the CA statement read.

“There is currently no further impact on fans or other parts of the venue. Cricket Australia and the MCC will continue to monitor the situation and follow the endorsed Victorian Government Covid-Safe Event Plan.”

Socially distanced England huddle pic.twitter.com/zMo7wbl91r

— Ben Horne (@BenHorne8) December 26, 2021

Meanwhile, Channel 7 confirmed a member of its broadcast team also tested positive for Covid-19. The network said in a statement the staff member was asymptomatic and has been in isolation since returning a positive result.

The spanner in the works meant Seven had to reshuffle its commentary line-up, resulting in a completely different roster than the callers used on Boxing Day.

Seven commentator Alison Mitchell tweeted: “Our @7Cricket Ashes broadcast will sound a little different this morning as most of us wait results of regulatory PCR tests, but no less good, in very capable hands! Such is the world we’re in … Stay safe all.”

The drama comes after Covid caused havoc at the second Test in Adelaide. Australian captain Pat Cummins was ruled out and forced to isolate because he was deemed a close contact of a positive case and members of the media also tested positive in the South Australian capital.

Lyon out early after aggressive opening

Nightwatchman Nathan Lyon came out swinging on day two, smacking a couple of fours before falling to Ollie Robinson.

England’s seamers started too short and Lyon was happy to play some pull shots, but on 10 he nicked a full delivery behind into Jos Buttler’s gloves, bringing Marnus Labuschagne to the crease with Marcus Harris.

Graph reveals England is completely cooked

England has been a one-man show in 2021. Captain Joe Root has been the only player to stand up with the bat.

He’s plundered 1680 Test runs this year — the third-most by any player in a calendar year in history and the most ever by an Englishman.

Next best on the list for 2021 is Rory Burns — who was dropped for the Boxing Day Test — with 530 runs. But the real marker of just how putrid England has been this year arrives in spot three.

As cricket writer Jarrod Kimber pointed out on his social media channels and in his Substack column, extras have been England’s third-highest run-getter in Tests over the past 12 months.

Kimber calculated England has benefited from 407 sundries in that time, meaning things like no-balls, wides, leg byes and byes have contributed more to England’s batting totals than any other player besides Root and Burns.

That’s unheard of, and shows just how awful England’s batters have been.

Extras are the third top scorer for england this year. Do read the article by @ajarrodkimber on english batting. https://t.co/nS5eAtt1Sjpic.twitter.com/Xia4lt8IcS

— Anmol Singh Turna (@PsychedelicBab5) December 26, 2021

England’s batters still in a world of pain

Joe Root played a loose shot to give his wicket away. Photo by Michael Klein.

England crashed to 185 all out on day one of the third Ashes Test on Sunday, leaving its Ashes dreams on the brink of ruin in the face of a relentless Australian attack.

After heavy defeats in Brisbane and Adelaide, the visitors must win in Melbourne to keep the five-Test series alive, with Australia only needing a draw to retain the urn as holders.

But those hopes took a near-fatal blow as Australia ripped through England’s flimsy batting, with only captain Joe Root (50) and Jonny Bairstow (35) showing resistance.

Australian skipper Pat Cummins, back after missing the second Adelaide Test because he was in Covid isolation, and spinner Nathan Lyon both took 3-36.

Australia then added to England’s pain by negotiating 16 overs to be 1-61 at stumps, trailing by only 124 with Marcus Harris not-out on 20 despite taking a nasty blow to the finger, and nightwatchman Lyon yet to score.

But on another bad day for England it did bag the big wicket of David Warner, who raced to 38 off 42 balls before sending a thick edge off Jimmy Anderson to Zak Crawley at gully.

“As a bowling group we know we are not going to give up any soft overs. You need to take 20 wickets to win the game and that’s our motive,” said Australia’s Scott Boland, who made his debut and took the wicket of Mark Wood.

“It’s a great attack to be a part of.”

After batting collapses and poor bowling in the first two Tests, Root read his players the riot act — seemingly to little effect. They have failed to score more than 297 in five innings so far.

“Obviously the toss didn’t go our way, we’d also have loved to bowl in that first session,” said Bairstow. “Yes, we’re still looking for that big score. We’ve got to get stronger and tougher with our dismissals, we know that.

“But we’ve seen that the pitch offered plenty (for the bowlers) today and hopefully we turn up in the morning and put pressure on to get some early inroads.”

Openers Haseeb Hameed (0) and Crawley (12) fell cheaply to Cummins after he won the toss and put England in to bat, with their hopes resting once more on Root in front of 57,100 fans at the MCG — less than expected due to Covid concerns.

He brought up his 53rd Test half-century in his 112th match, but once more failed to convert it into a maiden ton in Australia after a poor shot on 50 to Mitchell Starc.

The visitors had wielded the axe after their 275-run defeat in Adelaide with Crawley in for Rory Burns and Bairstow replacing Ollie Pope at six.

Wood was recalled after being rested in Adelaide, as was off-spinner Jack Leach. Wearing black armbands to mourn former England captain Ray Illingworth, who died aged 89, Crawley confidently drove Cummins for three in his opening over.

But Cummins struck three balls later with Hameed’s torrid tour continuing, out after nicking to wicketkeeper Alex Carey.

Crawley earned his first Test chance since March, but he failed to grab it, finding an outside edge to a rising Cummins ball that Cameron Green superbly caught at gully.

His dismissal for 12 left England at 2-13 with Dawid Malan and Root, the only two English batters to pass 50 this series, again on the back foot.

A cautious Malan took 18 balls to get off the mark, but disaster struck near lunch when he got an edge off Cummins on 14 that carried to Warner at slip.

Root played positively to move past South Africa’s Graeme Smith (1656 in 2008) and into third place for the most runs scored in a calendar year. But just as he looked set he offered a lazy stroke that took a nick and was taken by Carey, with the England captain livid.

Star all-rounder Ben Stokes departed for 25 to Green, then Jos Buttler lasted only 11 balls. He hit Lyon to Boland, the first Indigenous man to play Test cricket for Australia since Jason Gillespie.

Boland then snared Wood before Bairstow gloved Starc to Green and Australia mopped up the tail.

AFP