Melbourne Cup’s ridiculous dress codes and the celebrity battle against them

VIPs and celebs at Melbourne Cup racing events are facing a dress code crackdown. James Weir recaps.

The Melbourne Cup Carnival is Schoolies for adults and we all need to stop pretending it isn’t.

Between the drunken guys wrestling and the sloshed barefoot girls being wheeled out on stretchers, the only thing it lacks is a City Beach-sponsored foam party and a religious group tossing Red Frogs into the crowd.

Former WAG Nadia Bartel – who copped flak after that video was posted showing her snorting white powder off a plate during an illegal lockdown party – wasn’t renewed as a Melbourne Cup ambassador this year. Big mistake. She’s the most on-brand ambassador they’ve ever had.

The preciousness around the week-long racing extravaganza is getting a little out of hand. There’s been a slew of headlines about the dress codes being enforced in the racecourse members areas and it’s become more confusing than the state-by-state lockdown rules.

The big ban seems to be on racy dresses. The Victoria Racing Club has opposed visible midriffs for over a century, but it hasn’t specifically banned dresses featuring on-trend “cut-outs”, like the Australian Turf Club has. But does a midriff ban automatically imply that cut-outs are unacceptable too?

And if so, we need more criteria on what exactly classifies a cut-out. Is a slit a cut-out? And what about if you really need cut-outs because you sweat excessively? In that case, they’re not really cut-outs more than they are air vents. It’s a medical condition — get a doctor’s certificate from your GP and strut right into the Birdcage.

Nadia Bartel helpfully demonstrates what cut-outs are at the 2019 Derby Day.

Of course, Delta Goodrem has already taken advantage of the midriff/cut-out loophole. She was enjoying the breeze on her lumbar region when she rolled up to a Melbourne Cup event in Sydney this week – a lower-back air vent flapping in the wind. And just to be sure she could get away with it, she’d found a double loophole. The bash wasn’t technically at a racetrack, as per the guidelines.

We applaud her sneakiness. The only thing that would’ve made it better is if she used the cut-out to show off a lower-back tattoo. Maybe a dolphin or a mantra like “c’est la vie” scrawled in a cursive font.

No doctor’s certificate required thanks to the loophole.

Dress codes are the worst. The most offensive ban – one that has always been in place across the board – is the one targeting jeans. Boo! Some jeans can be formal and this is the mountain I’ll die on. “Going Out Jeans” are a thing. We’ve all got a pair. Don’t pretend you haven’t.

It’d be fantastic if one of the celebrities attending the Melbourne Cup took a stand against this denim ban and wore a nice pair of Going Out Jeans. It’d need to be someone fearless. Brave. And a real fashion-forward icon. I nominate Julie Bishop. She can zhuzh up a pair of 501s with one of her fancy brooches.

When it comes to the major racing week events, people are gonna wear what they want. It’s what the Melbourne Cup is – a complete mess. Don’t take it away from its roots.

A few years ago Lexus flew out supermodel Elle Macpherson to be the big VIP guest at Derby Day. She rocked up wearing white pants underneath a frock (social media dubbed it a “mullet dress”) and topped off the lock with a jaunty hat.

Ten out of 10. The outfit became a real conversation starter.

Millsy and Paris ... the true essence of Melbourne Cup.

Elle can’t be accused of having any cut-outs.

And there was also the time Myer paid The King Of Pop’s daughter Paris Jackson to jet over and hang out at Flemington on Melbourne Cup day. It was a total disaster. She reportedly refused to wear the Alex Perry gown that was chosen for her and instead wore a floaty hippie dress with scuffed boots that she brought from home. Then she licked a window in front of photographers before ditching the event early.

Of course, the real essence of the Melbourne Cup is captured in the photos of Paris Hilton with former Australian Idol contestant Rob Mills. The year was 2003. The hotel heiress ignored the midriff ban and Millsy was rocking a Tarocash suit with white servo sunnies.

There you have it. Dress codes are for losers. Flaunt your air vents.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir