Why more women than ever are cheating on their husbands

A US author has launched a podcast investigating why more women are cheating than ever before, determining it’s a new phenomenon.

Why more women than ever are cheating on their husbands

Nikki has been married for 15 years. And she’s been cheating on her husband for 12 of them.

This US mother-of-two, who is in her late 30s, keeps track of her potential lovers via a spreadsheet, has an untraceable Google Voice number for communicating with her suitors, and arranges rendezvous through WhatsApp.

She generally juggles multiple sexual partners at a time, and once had sex with four different men on the same day.

Sure, one of those four hook-ups lasted all of 20 minutes, but she didn’t care – she didn’t want to be “cuddled”, the New York Post reports.

Afterwards, she says, she showered, took a work meeting, went on a dinner date, and had “fun” with another man.

Her verdict: “It was amazing.”

“It was so cool because I got to really be in the driver’s seat [and] get exactly what I wanted – and I just happened to feel sexually greedy that day,” Nikki* (not her real name) reveals in the new iHeartRadio podcast hosted by author Jo Piazza.

Author Jo Piazza is hosting a new podcast about why more women than ever are cheating on their husbands. Picture: Supplied

“It’s … such a power trip to be able to command the sexual presence of people you desire and have them fulfil whatever it is you need,” Nikki explains. “It’s crazy.”

Nikki appears on the first episode of She Wants More, Piazza’s eight-part series examining female infidelity.

Piazza, herself a married mother-of-three, has spent the last five years interviewing wedded couples for the podcast Committed.

But about two years ago, she learned that a friend of hers was cheating on her spouse. Then she learned of another, and another.

Piazza was shocked, and intrigued.

“I [was] seeing so many more women I know have affairs … and a lot of women I didn’t expect,” the 42-year-old told the New York Post.

She spent a year interviewing some two dozen women, of different ages and backgrounds and from all over America, about their extramarital affairs – from a young gymnastics coach who fell in love with her husband’s best friend, to an accomplished 60-something who has been happily cheating on her husband with multiple partners for over 30 years.

The podcast tells their stories, with additional insights from experts like Susan Shapiro Barash, whose book about women’s affairs, A Passion for More, inspired the podcast.

Experts including the author of this popular book appear as guests on the show. Picture: Supplied

There’s a multitude of reasons why women cheat, but nearly all those who spoke said they still loved their husbands. Picture: iStock

“I went into it with my own judgment,” Piazza admitted. “I’m married, [so] I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, it’s the worst thing you can do!’”

But she learned that women had all sorts of complex reasons for seeking sex outside of their marriage – and that doing so did not ruin their lives.

Nikki says she has become more confident, more self-assured and more relaxed since signing up for well-known affair site AshleyMadison.com and embarking on her first extramarital hook-up more than a decade ago.

Before, she would beg her husband to spank her or pull her hair, anything that would add some excitement in the bedroom – and then feel embarrassed or ashamed, even undesirable, when he would ignore her requests.

Now, Nikki says, she’s “less resentful, less spiteful”.

“I don’t have a lot of tension built up in my chest or stress or anxiety or any kind of that negative cloud that grows within you when you go without for so long, and you start looking at this person like: Why can’t you understand? Why can’t you give me these things? Why are we stuck in this marriage when I deserve to be happy, deserve to feel good?” Nikki confessed.

While every woman has different reasons for cheating, many of the podcast’s subjects share similar traits.

Often, they met their spouses and married when they were very young, in their late teens and early 20s.

For several, sex with their partner happened less often after having children, and they felt a lack of confidence or attractiveness as a result. Many felt that they could no longer communicate with their husbands – especially about their desires.

Only one woman interviewed, a former gymnastics coach Catie*, strayed because she fell in love with someone else (and was essentially run out of town when their mutual acquaintances found out).

In fact, most of the women Piazza interviewed say that they love their husbands and have no intention of leaving them. They just want a little variety.

“The weird thing about monogamy is that it’s like saying red is your favourite colour, and then you have to wear red and only red for the rest of your days,” said Monique*, who has been married for 30 years.

“What if I wake up and feel like wearing yellow – does that mean that red isn’t my favourite colour anymore? No, of course not!”

Most are looking for variety and married young. Picture: iStock

Monique, an accomplished professional in her mid-50s with two grown kids, went on Craigslist after her husband said he wasn’t interested in a threesome.

She ended up meeting a younger man and seeing him on and off for 12 years. The affair was fun, sexy and enriching – but she would never call it romantic.

“I bet you if you asked him, ‘What are her children’s names?’ he wouldn’t know,” Monique explained.

Since then, she has experimented with BDSM, had a threesome and even indulged in one partner’s erotic fantasy.

For Monique, sleeping with other people is about “having a broad experience of life”.

As she puts it: “It’s an opportunity to meet at an intimate level the kind of person I would not otherwise encounter.”

The American National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey found that women were 40 per cent more likely to cheat on their spouses in 2010 than in 1990, while the percentage of husbands who cheated stayed the same.

But are women really cheating more – or are they just finally talking about it?

Data obtained in 2010 showed women were 40 per cent more likely to cheat on their spouses than 20 years earlier.

Piazza said she really does think more women are having affairs compared to 30 or 40 years ago, largely because of “privilege”.

“There are so many more women in the workforce and making their own money,” the host explained.

“When you’re less financially dependent on your husband, you’re less afraid of possibly losing your husband or ruining your marriage. You’re more willing to take chances.”

She also noted that technology has made conducting an affair much easier as women can search for one-night-stands on their phone.

“Your spouse may be laying in bed next to you, and you can be looking for someone to have an affair with,” Piazza said. “The ease of it is making more people do it.”

Some women on the podcast use burner phones to communicate with their lovers; others use WhatsApp and delete it every night before downloading it again in the morning.

Others only meet men who live outside of a 160km radius or only hook up when out of town for work.

Only one woman Piazza interviewed however was caught when her husband looked at her phone. They ended up getting divorced.

But Monique actually thinks her husband knows about her dalliances – and that he is fine with it.

“Imagine this scenario,” she says in Episode 3. “If your wife had a lover but at the same time that made her sexier, like she would buy lingerie or try things that she’d never tried before – however you define an increase in hotness – wouldn’t you want that?”

* Names have been changed

This article originally appeared on the New York Post and was reproduced with permission