Sexologist explains why men get ‘weird’ about period sex

A “taboo” sex act sparked a standoff between a between a MAFS bride and groom – but a Melbourne sexologist has explained why it’s “fantastic”.

A taboo sex act that has been cloaked in a veil of shame for too long became a hot topic on Wednesday night’s episode of Married At First Sight – and it’s fair to say women are rejoicing over it.

Groom Jack Millar was seen becoming awkward and flustered over his wife Domenica Calarco’s request to have sex while menstruating.

Jack wasn’t alone in his discomfort either, with Al and Jackson also showing visible discomfort when he turned to them for advice over the “no-go” bedroom activity.

“It’s a weird thing to get your head around,” Jackson agrees.

While Al described it as “crazy”, telling Jack he needed some “liquid courage” before getting down and dirty.

Twitter users were quick to take sides, some applauding Channel 9 for “normalising” period sex, as others slammed the move and labelled it “disgusting”.

Jack Millar admitted on Wednesday night’s MAFS he was uncomfortable with period sex. Picture: Channel 9

Chantelle Otten, a Melbourne based Psycho-Sexologist, told news.com.au sex while menstruating is sadly still seriously stigmatised despite it being perfectly normal and healthy.

“I think for a lot of people blood really freaks them out,” she said.

“From the beginning of time we have seen blood as a sign of injury or disease or illness and instead of viewing menstruation as a really normal and natural process, people see bleeding as freaky or a sign that there’s something wrong,” she said.

Chantelle, who describes herself as “passionate about normalising sex” and authored ‘The Sex Ed You Never Had’, explained part of the problem comes down to a lack of education for men.

“I think it comes down to the patriarchy a little bit, ‘men are better than women’ and they know the ‘right’ way.

“As well as the lack of education, there’s a lack of empathy and resistance to learning and being curious as to what is going on in your partner’s life.”

His bride Domenica Calarco was visibly frustrated. Picture: Channel 9

Instead of educating men to embrace and lean into the monthly process – that affects most women between the ages of 15 – 50 – “menstruators feel like they need to hide”, she says.

“They feel like it’s shameful. We’ve been taught to hide pads and tampons in our bags and told ‘make sure you don’t wear white clothes’ that kind of thing.

“We don’t get taught it’s a good thing, instead we learn how to hide it away and not get spots in our underwear and clothes.”

This sentiment was echoed in the responses to the episode on social media, with some claiming Channel 9 had “stooped to a new low” in order to boost ratings. It’s no coincidence this reaction came largely from men.

Wow, period sex…..that’s where we are at #MAFSAU#MAFS

— Christopher Anderson (@chriso_1376) February 9, 2022

So women you actually get insulted when a guy doesn't want to have sex on your period? That's like you being insulted because I don't want you to take a dump on my chest. #mafs#mafsau

— Dave Naylor (@DaveNaylor84) February 9, 2022

Domenica: "Like I'm willing to have sex with you whilst I'm on my period".....oh give me a bloody break (see what I did there!) #MAFS#MAFSAU

— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) February 9, 2022

Dominika wanting sex on her period is a new level of low tv that I’m all for watching… what a trashy horn bag #MAFS

— Daniel Risol (@rispect14) February 9, 2022

However the conversation was refereshing for females, with many praising the show for trying to tackle the taboo.

Looks like a few freaked out males over the sex on periods talk #mafs

— Georgia Duncan (@_georgiarae) February 9, 2022

Hearing about period sex on a mainstream tv show is fantastic. Normalise normal bodily functions!

(But also work with your partner to establish boundaries and make sure everyone is comfortable)#MAFSAU#MAFS

— Hayley Down (@hayleyjdown) February 9, 2022

Definitely think period sex is a bit of a taboo topic and I’m glad they’re talking about it. Might prompt some couples at home to discuss it 👏👏 #MAFS

— Sonya Orlova (@sonya_orlova1) February 9, 2022

Of course, there were some women who agreed they preferred not to do the deed during their time of the month too.

“At the end of the day, half of the population get their period each month so why don’t we make it a non-shameful event,” Chantelle said.

“You can do incredible things on your period – including have a fantastic sex life.”

Melbourne sexologist Chantelle Otton has shared her tips on how to introduce period sex to your relationship. Picture: Instagram/ChantelleOtton

The sex expert, who runs a sex therapy clinic in East Melbourne, said the key to embracing period sex is about communicating, and helping others understand how to care for someone who is going through menstruation.

“Sex drive can peak or drop during while menstruating – and the shedding of the uterine lining can be painful.

“We don’t educate penis owners enough on this. It’s interesting because when men are in pain it is often talked about a lot more yet when fems are in pain it tends to be hidden and they also have a higher pain threshold a lot of the time as well.”

The topic is still ‘taboo’ – dividing viewers and shocking fellow MAFS contestants. Picture: Channel 9

Chantelle’s tips for introducing period sex into the bedroom

“First of all, I think you need to ask your partners for curiosity because curiosity brings so many amazing things to our lives and our periods are always going to be there,” she said.

“Educate people that sexuality is not just about penetration and orgasm, you can still have penetrative sex during this time of course, you just lay down a towel or have it in the shower, whatever you like.

“But you could have a lot more outercourse as well during this time.”

Outercourse is an option for sexual activity without intercourse where you can focus on other erogenous zones in the body such as nipples, ears and necks, Chantelle explained.

“Buy sex toys for different parts of your body, you can touch yourself on top of your underwear, you could watch porn.

“All of this is part of erotic sensation. It’s just about starting a conversation and having a little bit of fun.”

Continue the conversation @RebekahScanlan | [e-mail]