Rachel Corbett really wishes she hadn’t seen her neighbours doing this

RACHEL Corbett really wishes she hadn’t looked out her window and been confronted with this. Because sometimes sex in real life really isn’t sexy.

Rachel Corbett saw something she really rather she didn’t through her neighbour’s window recently.

AS A resident of the inner city I’m used to living in an environment that looks like the set of Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window.

Everyday scenes of people washing up, or making coffee are commonplace. I even caught someone watching me through a pair of binoculars once, which was both disturbing and sad, since I was at my dining table in a Target tracksuit. Clearly I entice a peeper who prefers the low hanging fruit.

The other morning, however, I spied something different. Thirty metres away, through the window of an apartment, I noticed what I thought was a child lying on a bed with arms outstretched waiting for a hug.

Here I was thinking I was about to witness an adorable scene straight out of a Johnson and Johnson commercial. But after a few moments I started to fear this child would be left wanting, ignored by her cruel and callous mother.

As my shortsighted eyes adjusted to the distance, I realised the limbs I’d assumed were arms were actually legs and while they were outstretched, it was for an entirely different reason. I also noticed that what I thought were knees tucked into the chest of a child waiting to be hugged were actually the cheeks of a man’s bare a*se.

Turns out I wasn’t witnessing an innocent family moment; I was witnessing a couple in the middle of a pre-work shag.

The horror.

While at this point I didn’t pull out the binoculars, I must admit I didn’t look away. This was less because I was enjoying the show and more because I was flabbergasted that two people would be getting one away in an inner city apartment with no flippin’ curtains.

There wasn’t a venetian or drape in sight and while I’m sure Shaynna Blaze would understand this decision better than I, I had to ask myself — who in their right mind thinks they have any privacy when they live in an apartment in urban Australia? Surely these days, unless you’re giving it a crack in Lemony Snicket’s house, you have to assume someone, somewhere can see you.

I know when my boyfriend and I get ready for special cuddles I make sure the room is sealed up like a meth house. Not only for privacy but I find nothing gets a man in the mood like taping up windows.

I know most of you will be shouting at your computer “They wanted to be seen!!” but what I witnessed in the concluding moments of their morning session proved, beyond a doubt, this wasn’t the case.

Anyone who’s accidentally caught themselves in the reflection of a mirrored wardrobe knows there’s nothing pretty about sex outside the movies. In fact, I’m sure the precise reason sex is enjoyable is because you can’t see what you look like when you’re doing it. That’s why couples who want to be seen always have the presence of mind to put on a show.

So when the male half of this coitus equation left the room, only to return with a roll of Sorbent he used to tidy up after himself, it became clear this was not an event intended for public consumption. This was love.

So let this be a warning to all the urban couples who want to get it on with the one they love in the privacy of their own home — buy some bloody curtains. And if you are putting on a show, for God’s sakes keep the mystery alive and leave the Sorbent in the bathroom.

Writer Rachel Corbett.

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