Nadia Bokody: Three things you need to stop doing to your vulva

Nadia Bokody has some eye-opening advice about intimate hygiene.

“Private Parts.”

That was the label I was told to give my vulva when I was growing up.

The term indicated it was an area of my body that required upmost secrecy, and so it remained a mystery to me throughout puberty.

Confusingly, boys didn’t seem required to be “private” about their “parts”.

Cartoonish illustrations of penises with grinning faces festooned the back of classroom chairs, bathroom stalls, and binder folders.

There was schoolyard talk, too, about wet dreams and boners, and an entire vernacular of euphemisms dedicated to discussing male masturbation.

But while my opposite-sex peers were openly joking about exhausting the household supply of Sorbelene cream for self-gratification, I still hadn’t seen my own anatomy (the mere act of putting a hand mirror down there was ghastly by itself), or heard another girl mention hers.

Like so many other young women, I transitioned into adulthood understanding very little about my vulva – only that it was something to be kept private.

Not a lot has changed since then.

Nadia Bokody has some eye-opening advice about intimate hygiene. Picture: Instagram

A 2020 study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found 37 per cent of people don’t know where the clitoris is, and, even more startlingly, only 46 per cent can correctly identify that women have three “holes” downstairs.

We really shouldn’t be surprised women routinely treat their vulvas in horrifying ways, and that so many men appear clueless about how they work, let alone what makes them feel good.

From over-cleaning to DJ’ing the clitoris, here are some of the most common and disastrous side effects of living in a world that continues to treat vulvas as taboo …

A rose by any other name

This is going to come as a shock to a lot of vulva owners – particularly those who’ve had a partner (usually a straight man) make a disparaging comment about their vaginal taste or odour – but vulvas are supposed to smell like … vulvas.

There’s a reason there aren’t any genital fragrances for men lining the toiletry aisle, while products aimed at masking the natural scent of a vagina are a multi-billion dollar industry … And anyone who’s ever had their nose anywhere near a guy’s junk can tell you – it ain’t because penises are odourless.

‘I question how much men who insult women’s vaginas genuinely like women.’ Picture: iStock

I’m probably doing myself out of a potential sponsorship deal here, but the vaginal fragrance market – also known as “feminine hygiene” – is a scam successfully perpetuated by a culture that profits off women hating our bodies.

What’s more, douching, scenting and over-cleaning your vulva lead to conditions like bacterial vaginosis and yeast overgrowth, which can cause itching, discomfort and foul odours. If you wash your body in the shower each day and don’t wear tight, sweaty pants or underwear for extended periods, your vag should generally smell as it was intended to: like a vag.

And, speaking as a lesbian who’s never refused to perform oral on a partner because of the “smell”, I question how much men who insult women’s vaginas genuinely like women.

It’s not a DJ booth

If it weren’t already depressing enough most heterosexual men can’t locate the clitoris, it’s definitely alarming how many guys believe treating it like a turntable is a sure-fire route to a woman’s orgasm.

Newsflash, guys: the clitoris is a giant nerve bundle estimated to contain up to eight thousand nerve endings, which means it’s really, REALLY sensitive.

For the love of every woman who’s ever silently cringed her way through a man acting as though he’s furiously erasing a mistake from an exam paper, STOP with the rapid friction. Less is more. (Unless she clearly specifies otherwise.)

You’re going the wrong way

Speaking of the clitoris, you should probably know, that’s where the fun’s happening for an estimated two-thirds of women who either require or prefer it to be the main destination for reaching climax.

I have no doubt there’s a vulva owner out there somewhere who loves it when her sexual partners attend to other parts of her that are about as stimulating as a handshake, but the vast majority of us are BEGGING you to leave our labia alone.

I’ve written entire mental grocery lists, planned dinner parties and drafted work emails in my head while people have honed in on it as though convinced they’re transporting me to another dimension.

I obviously can’t speak for everyone, but as a general rule, if you take an unusually long and boring route to get somewhere, there’s a good chance your passenger will be asleep by the time you arrive.

Follow Nadia Bokody on Instagram and YouTube for more sex, relationship and mental health content.