Nadia Bokody: Grammy win proof men aren’t ‘ruined’ by sex abuse claims

It is often said that it’s a scary time to be a straight man – but a TV moment this week shatters that argument and proves it is a lie.

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It’s a scary time to be a straight white guy.

Or so men keep telling us – usually, men with access to microphones and huge, impressionable audiences.

Evidently, these men are terrified of a world in which they can’t casually sexually harass and assault women without being told on. And they’re particularly obsessed with the idea women only do this for money, fame, and revenge.

In this alternate reality, “good men” have their careers are mercilessly destroyed by a single, unproven allegation, doled out by a vengeful shrew.

Of course, some fairly intense cognitive dissonance is required to live here.

I mean, sure, you can publicly admit to being a serial sexual predator and go on to sell out comedy shows, amass millions of views on YouTube, and win a Grammy, but MEN’S LIVES ARE RUINED BY FALSE ALLEGATIONS, I TELL YOU!

Although, if you and several of your teammates are accused of sexually assaulting a 19-year-old, you can do an interview calling it consensual group sex and go right on to host top-rating radio and TV.

So??? Don’t you know WOMEN ONLY MAKE UP THESE CLAIMS TO GET FAMOUS?!!

Okay, can you name any of the 60-odd women who publicly spoke out against Bill Cosby?

How about just one of them?

No?

Nadia Bokody argues the idea that men are ‘ruined’ by sexual abuse allegations is a myth. Picture: Instagram/NadiaBokody

In reality, false rape allegations happen at about the same rate as any other crime (around two per cent, though many estimates suggest this figure may be even lower, given so many sexual assaults go unreported due to women fearing not being believed).

And yet, we’re relentlessly told this bizarre lie – that there’s an epidemic of “good men” having their lives decimated by scorned women who seemingly think exposing themselves to slut-shaming, death threats and worse is the highest form of “revenge”.

All this despite the fact conviction rates for sexual assault are lower than just about any other crime (in Australia, a mere two per cent of reported cases result in guilty verdicts).

However, the men committed to this victimhood aren’t interested in acknowledging these plot holes.

Louis C.K. admitted to masturbating in front of female colleagues without consent. Picture: Brad Barket/Invision/AP

Most of them were busy whining, “woke culture’s gone too far! Comedians are scared to tell jokes these days!” to anyone who’d listen after the Oscars infamous slap incident last week; though they were eerily quiet when known sex pest Louis C.K. won a Grammy for best comedy album just a few days later.

A comedy album, it should be noted, in which C.K. literally jokes about non-consensually masturbating in front of his female colleagues: “How was 2018 and 2019 for you guys? Anybody else get in global amounts of trouble?”.

Twitter might have erupted with horror at the prestige award being given to a man who admitted in response to a New York Times article that detailed his sexual misconduct with five women, “These stories are true... I have been remorseful of my actions. And I’ve tried to learn from them. And run from them,” but the Grammys remained resolute in its decision, doubling down with a statement explaining it doesn’t take a nominee’s history or criminal record into consideration.

Grammys host LeVar Burton awkwardly accept the award on the disgraced comedian’s behalf. Picture: Supplied

As resolute, it seems, as the Academy has been about not rescinding the Oscars it’s given director Roman Polanski (who drugged and raped a 13-year-old girl,) Woody Allen (whose daughter Dylan Farrow alleged he molested her as a child), or Harvey Weinstein, whose company has accumulated over 80 awards that, even since his criminal conviction as a serial sex offender, haven’t been revoked.

It should also be noted these men barely graze the tip of what is a gargantuan iceberg of systemic sexual misconduct and cover-ups that spans the breadth of Hollywood.

Indeed, it’s not hyperbolic to suggest there’s an epidemic of lives being destroyed here, but they’re certainly not straight white guys whining about how woke culture has ruined their ability to make fun of women’s appearances and joke about sex crimes.

They’re the survivors left behind in the dust by a culture that values its star football players and top-earning comedians more than it does women’s lives.

Nadia points out other high-profile men, such as Woody Allen, who have faced sexual abuse allegations have not had their careers harmed in any way. Picture: ANDER GILLENEA / AFP

Let’s be clear here: Louis C.K. didn’t just neatly sweep his predatory history under the rug after a short sojourn from the stage. He made bank off it via the sell-out show that earned him a Grammy this week.

And like so many of the men that came before him, and many who’ll come after, his life stands as starkly antithetical to the image of complete decimation we’re conditioned to believe exists.

In truth, because there are no ruined “good men”; only bad men whose crimes we’d rather not think about too much, so we can continue to sit back and let them hold the microphones.

Follow Nadia Bokody on Instagram and YouTube for more sex, relationship and mental health content.