The worst thing about modern weddings

THERE’s an annoying thing you are expected to do when you attend weddings these days, and Rachel Corbett is not happy about it. Not happy at all.

Bridal Magazine

I RECENTLY attended my third wedding this year with an invitation containing three magical and completely unexpected words: “No gifts please.” I sure hope this is the beginning of a trend.

I’ve long been uncomfortable with the cash/gift grab weddings have become. This isn’t because I’m one of those neurotic women who can’t bear to give a present to celebrate someone else’s big day when “WHY ISN’T IT MY WEDDING???” is playing on repeat in my head. It’s because I’ve always felt that inviting people to your wedding should be about sharing an amazing day with them, not updating your crockery.

Getting a gift from someone should be unexpected. That’s part of the joy for both parties. There’s nothing better than thinking of a gift you know someone would like and giving it because you want to surprise them, but all that magic is gone when you’ve been issued with a pre-approved list of items from which you are “allowed” and “expected” to buy something.

I understand a registry’s main aim is to avoid ending up with 14 toasters and a cat-adorned tea set from Aunty Deidre, but I really don’t think your guests should be expected to buy you anything. Granted, this view could be the result of my bitterness over approaching most wedding registries at the 11th hour when the only thing left is the $700 coffee machine nobody wanted to touch.

But you’re not putting your wedding on as a favour for your guests, you’re doing it for you and your partner and surely the joy of marrying the person you love should be gift enough?

When I’ve mentioned the whole “I don’t think I’d be comfortable asking for gifts at my wedding” thing to some married couples, they’ve come back with, “But a wedding costs a lot of money”. So what? At which point during the planning process are your guests standing beside you demanding you choose the 10-course degustation with the matching Veuve Clicquot fountain?

If you’ve blown your budget because you wanted to impress everyone with six swans swimming at the entrance, that’s your decision and you can’t expect gifts as payment for your incredible generosity. You invited these people to your wedding. You wanted them to be there. Surely that should be the end of it?

And don’t even get me started on the wishing well. Do you know what I wish? That you wouldn’t invite me to your wedding and then ask me for cash. The only thing more obnoxious than giving me a list of things I’m permitted to buy you is telling me to pop a couple of hundred in a card and leave it at that.

I’m not your nanna and I also have no interest in dealing with the inner turmoil that comes from working out how much I can put in without looking like a tight arse. Is $50 too cheap? Is $200 too excessive?

And if you insist on having a wishing well, please do us a favour and don’t highlight that it’s going to go towards “the deposit on our first home”. All that does is remind those of us who are working our arses off to save up for a deposit that those years of extra hours at the office could have been avoided by just tying the knot.

Nothing like finally entering the property market only to have a conversation like this:

Couple: You’re buying your first home? Wow. How did you save the money?

Single: I worked my arse off for 10 years. What about you guys?

Couple: We got married.

If you really think of gifts as payment for your generosity then why not pop your wedding up on Ticketek and see how many people are in a rush to pay for the privilege of attending.

A wedding should be about love and joy and happiness. Not dollars and cents and funding a honeymoon in the Maldives.

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