Making your marriage work

WHEN a couple has been married for the majority of their adult life it's seen as remarkable but a long marriage isn't always a happy one.

marriage

WHAT'S the secret to a long-lasting, happy marriage?

(Q) Both my husband and I witnessed our parents go through nasty divorces and we don't want to end up the same way. How can we have a long-lasting marriage?

(A) When a couple has been married for the majority of their adult life, it is seen as remarkable - especially in these days of rising divorce rates. But if you believe that a long marriage is always a happy one, think again.

Many couples put in the years together for reasons that don't include love. It's often for financial security or for the children.

So what makes a couple live happily ever after? Well, it's growth and change, both as individuals, and as a twosome. After all, if only one of you grows and changes, one of the most common reasons for splitting up occurs: "We just grew apart".

Rather, the growth needs to be internal, but reflected by your marriage. Ask yourself: does my partner make me a better person? Do I grow and thrive as a result of being married to this person?

One of the key components of a happy marriage is if the partners experience "self-expansion".

Gary W Lewandowski Jr, associate psychology professor at Monmouth University in the US, has researched what it means to have a satisfying marriage. He found the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more likely they are to be satisfied in their marriage.

If being together leads you to learn new things and develop greater awareness, you are on the way to a long, happy union.

In a healthy relationship, you do not find "your other half". Rather, you merge as two whole individuals, who in turn grow into even better, more aware and fulfilled people.

Got a question for Dr Gabrielle Morrissey? Ask her here.