‘Liberating’: Australian couple who left church now in open marriage

A husband and wife who both grew up in a religion and saved sex for marriage have left the church to become swingers.

A couple who grew up together in a conservative Christian community have since left the church to become swingers – and are now in a “liberating” open marriage.

After tying the knot at age 19, Emmy Blaise thought she knew how her life was going to look.

She was raised in a religion where she says women were expected to be “fully submissive to their husbands” and would have to “save themselves” for marriage, have lots of children, and conform to traditional gender roles.

But now she and her husband Cal have left their old lives behind, and say they now enjoy a “happy and healthy” open marriage.

The pair, who are both 35 and from the Hunter Region of New South Wales, have even started making X-rated content together and since risen to the top 1 per cent of a popular adults-only subscription-based social media website.

“We both grew up in such a restrictive and religious environment, we had no chance to think for ourselves,” Emmy, who is also a nurse, told news.com.au.

The couple opened up their marriage back in 2019. Picture: Supplied

“Cal and I met in a Christian church as teenagers, we went to the same youth group. We were each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend.

“We followed all the rules, and didn’t have sex until marriage and all of that. We were the ‘good ones’.

“It was purity culture. There was a lot of pressure around sexuality. People who were not virgins – even if not by their choice – were deemed dirty and ‘used goods’.

“Then when you are married, husband is the head of the household.”

Emmy began dating Cal in 2006 and they married two years later before going on to have three children, who are now all aged under 10.

For a time, the couple lived their lives “by the book” – attending their local church regularly and following the strict religious rules they had been taught as children.

But about four years ago something shifted, with Emmy and Cal both opening up about the potential negative impact religion and the church was having on their lives.

“We went along the ‘regular’ path others in our religion were taking,” website designer Cal explained.

“We didn’t even think about it, we got married and had kids. But then in our late 20s, we started opening up about how we were feeling about religion and our marriage.

The pair started dating as teenagers. Picture: Supplied

“As a couple, we began unravelling and questioning everything we had ever known. That’s when we both came to a huge realisation.

“Monogamy didn’t make sense for us, and it wasn’t what we wanted any more. We wanted to open up our relationship.”

In 2019, the couple decided to try “swinging” – an activity where people in committed relationships sexually engage with others for recreational purposes, often with other couples.

“We were both a bit nervous, but we decided to give it a go,” Cal said.

“But we have always been the type to talk through and process things together. It was scary, but exciting at the same time.

“We began on the dating apps. Neither of us had any idea of how to pick up.

“Emmy and I had never had that experience of going out and hooking up, so it was like we were teenagers again.

“It felt like we had made up for some lost time, and had experiences that we didn’t get to have when we were younger.”

Emmy has opened up about life in an open marriage. Picture: Supplied

The mum said she didn't want her children having the same religious upbringing. Picture: Supplied

The couple are sharing their story to help break down some of the stigma surrounding open marriages. Picture: Supplied

Emmy and Cal said their children were too young to understand they had an open marriage, but said they would be open to talking about it when they are older.

“If they ever had questions, I’d be happy to answer truthfully,” Emmy said.

“We never want to hide anything from our kids. We want them to have an open and accepting mindset to all different types of relationships.

“While they’re too young to understand it now, we would never shy away from having that talk later.”

The couple added that they did not want to raise their children in the same environment that they had grown up in.

“We don’t want to raise our kids that way. Religion can often cause people to repress parts of themselves, and they fear being true to who they are,” Emmy explained.

“We want to be the type of parents that their kids can be honest and open with them. If one of our kids was gay, or trans, or something like that, we want them to know it’s OK.

“We want them to feel that they will always be supported and loved, no matter who they are.”

The pair got married in 2008. Picture: Supplied

The couple pictured here on holidays, aged around 25. Picture: Supplied

Modern day non-monogamy is multi faceted, and the situation will never look the same for every couple.

While some people in open marriages are only interested in once-off sexual encounters with others outside the relationship, other couples are more open to both parties dating.

This means that there are multiple committed relationships at once, and that all parties acknowledge and accept that feelings of love and affection may arise outside the marriage.

“It’s definitely still taboo these days, not many people are open about it,” Emmy said. “But in saying that, I think it’s a lot easier to be in an open relationship these days.

“Right now, we casually swing when we have the opportunity, but we are also open to longer-term connections and relationships.

“Some would describe that as polyamory and we do identify with that label as well. If one of us found that we had feelings for another person, we would just sit down and discuss everything. We have always been open and honest.”

The couple are sharing their story to help raise awareness of different types of relationships and to break down the stigma surrounding open marriages.

Emmy and Cal spoke about some of the most common misconceptions about swinging, with many thinking it was just an “excuse for cheating” and that the couples “must not love each other”.

The mum said her and Cal have very strong and open communication between them. Picture: Supplied

Emmy and her husband have been swinging for over three years. Picture: Supplied

“At the end of the day, every relationship is different,” Cal said.

“We love each other as much as we did on our wedding day. That will never change.

“Our adoration and commitment to each other, and to our family, is still there and such an important part of the dynamic.

“People assume we don’t love each other, or that we just want an excuse for cheating, which isn’t true at all.”

Emmy and Cal had just one word of advice for couples who might be interested in trying non-monogamy.

“Honesty,” they said. “That is all it comes down to. You have to be open with each other about your wants and desires.

“This is the most important aspect of any open relationship.”