Bizarre newspaper wedding announcement goes viral online
An engagement notice for a couple in the US has gone viral on Twitter after it revealed a relationship “forged in fire” – and a man with a dark past.
An engagement notice for a US couple has gone viral, revealing a relationship forged in fire — and a man with a dark past.
The bizarre announcement was shared to Twitter after the user’s parents noticed it in their local newspaper.
It was quickly shared around the internet, so far standing at just over 52,000 ‘likes’ and 5,993 rewteets — and we can see why.
It begins plainly enough, announcing the forthcoming nuptials of the perfectly ordinary-sounding Dr Matthew Johnson and Miss Jennifer Bair Cullen, revealing they are due to be wed next February.
It briefly lists the happy couple’s hometowns and parents, before taking its first turn for the weird, NZ Herald reports.
“Colton Cullen, the son of the bride, is delighted to share in this miracle of love and devotion he’s witnessing for the first time in his life,” it reads.
“He would like to thank his stepfather for the genuine loyalty, honesty and protection that neither he nor his mother have ever known before.”
This raises some questions. How old is Colton? When did he witness the miracle of love between mum and Dr Johnson?
Is he okay?
But there is barely time to digest that before we plunge deeper.
“As a diamond is produced only under intense heat and pressure,” it continues, “Jennifer’s beauty derives from enduring decades of narcissistic attempts to defeat her virtue and crush her spirit.”
Next, Dr Johnson inserts a humble brag.
“Matthew is ecstatic to be the only man adequately equipped to satiate Jennifer’s long-unsatisfied yearning for romantic attention, affection and love.”
The doctor is in the house — and his bedside manner is evidently impressive.
As for the man himself, the notice tells us that: “As gold is refined only through intense heat and flame, Matthew’s strength of will derives from enduring decades of pathological contempt, deceit and hypocrisy.”
“They failed to break him.”
To close in truly creepy fashion we then learn that Jennifer is “overjoyed to finally provide him with the unconditional love, undying respect and gratifying intimacy like no man has ever experienced”.
It ends with: “To put it simply: They won”.
It could be argued that their victory is shared by all of us who have enjoyed their announcement but, as you may have suspected, this is no ordinary couple.
The original poster of the notice returned to Twitter to share a disturbing twist in the tale.
“Aaaaaaaaand he’s an actual Nazi,” @AtomAtkinson wrote.
Dr Johnson, how could you?
As the thread unfolds, those brave enough to plumb the depths learn more about the mysterious doctor.
It turns out he is the editor of the Barnes Review, described as “one of the most virulently anti-Semitic organisations around” by the Southern Poverty Law Center in the US.
He also holds deeply homophobic views, wrapped into a theory involving Satanic semen.
The revelation that Dr Johnson is a fascist may explain his inability to secure a lasting relationship but perhaps Jennifer is the one to change things.
Can the “miracle of love” save Dr Johnson from himself?
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
This article originally appeared on NZ Herald and was reproduced with permission
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