‘Valentine’s Day is unavoidable - there is one way to make it less gross’

It’s an “unavoidable” day but there is one way to make this most-hated day enjoyable, says Jana Hocking.

Confession.

I have been single for the last ten Valentine’s Days. Yes you read that right: T-E-N. So I’ve become quite the pro when it comes to navigating the day known to couples as ‘best day of the year’ and to singles, the day they want to curl up in a ball and die.

Those in a loved-up relationship will know the thrill of a big bunch of roses arriving at their work desk. To be paraded around the office as everyone comments “oh you lucky thing” while quietly filling their coffee cups up with hard liquor.

Seriously, nothing reminds you that you’re single like Valentine’s Day. And while we’ve been lucky enough to avoid the gross V-day for a couple of years thanks to lockdown – this year I’m afraid it’s unavoidable.

Jana Hocking has been single for the last ten Valentine’s Days. Picture: Instagram.

So what do you do when you know you’re going to be surrounded by smooching couples and roses that aren’t for you. You turn lemons into lemonade my friend!

You may not believe this, but I have honestly had the best Valentine’s Day as a singleton. I distinctly remember one year my two best friends and I were all single at the same time. So we decided to tackle it together and celebrate Galentine’s Day.

We popped on our comfiest pyjamas, armed ourselves with chocolate and Pinot Grigio and streamed the least romantic movies we could find. There’s nothing more bonding then stuffing your face with carbs and b*tching about men.

Then we turned on the most badass female made music and fuelled by white wine, jumped around the house chanting Alanis Morrisette lyrics. It was glorious.

So rather then bury your head in the sand for 24 hours here are some jolly ways to not only survive but thrive this Galentine’s Day:

1. Singles that play together stay together

Gather your fellow single comrades and organise to be together. If you’re anything like me you will like having something fun to look forward to, so start organising early.

2. Avoid restaurants at all costs

Let’s let the couples have their fancy reservations this year and praise the lords for Uber eats. Order up enough food to feed a small army and most importantly …

Jana had the best Valentine’s Day as a singleton

3. Diets don’t exist on V-Day

This is not a day to be denying yourself carbs. Oh no, carbs and sugar are your friends. Treat yourself to that pizza with all the toppings and a second serving of cookie dough ice-cream. The first person to complain about calories or asks for a small serving has to do a shot of vodka. Thems the rules!

4. Be Boujee!

Make sure you get out your fanciest dinner wear. Sure, it’s just you, Sarah and Jessica in your PJs but that doesn’t mean you can’t dine in style. You know somewhere this Valentine’s Day there is many women ranting at their men because he forgot to book them a reservation somewhere nice for dinner – so go all out for your gals and be smug because you’re having the boujee night of your dreams while fighting couples are lining up for an overpriced pasta. Light the expensive candles, get out the nice tablecloth, open the expensive bottle of champagne you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Tonight is not a night to be tight.

5. Write each other a love letter

Who needs a man to make you feel special. Your friends know you better then most. Set out some nice paper and pens, and after a few wines get writing. Remind each other why you are a might good catch. Tell each other what you think are your best features and characteristics. Smother each other in loving words and then bask in the warm glow it gives you.

6. Release, release, release

Now you may need a fire extinguisher for this one, and perhaps do it when you’re all functioning at full capacity. But each of you must bring one item that reminds you of your ex and set that thing on fire. It’s time to release partners of past. If they didn’t reach out on the most romantic of days then they aren’t worth your energy. Use this day to finally say too-taa-loo once and for all to the blokes who (deep down) you know are no good for you.

So there you have it. My personal guide to surviving and thriving on Valentine’s Day. Let’s change the narrative and avoid the gloom. Aint nobody got time for that!

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking