The unexpected upside of dating someone who’s been to jail … twice!

Dating someone who’s been to prison might not be everyone’s idea of romance, but Jana Hocking shares a steamy tale that may just sweep a few jailbirds off their feet.

In my twenties – OK, OK, and early thirties – I went through a ‘bad boy’ stage. I know, so cliche! But like all bad decisions, I really committed.

My prerequisites for a man included a temper problem, a few tattoos (not arty ones, scary ones), loud and robust in nature and little respect for the law, in fact, little respect for me.

And so it was that I found myself at the tender age of 23, sitting in a courtroom holding hands with a man who was just about to be sentenced to jail. Again.

But let’s go back a little further than that because these things don’t just oopsy daisy happen.

It all began one cold winter night when I was living back at my parent’s house during university holidays.

I had just hopped out of the shower and was drying in front of our fireplace in nothing but a towel. All of a sudden, my brother came bursting through the front door with a friend in tow.

Horrified that I had been caught in just a towel, I raced to my room – but not before noticing my brother’s friend was hot.

Like, really hot. I don’t mean to brag, but your girl can clock a hottie from a mile away. He caught me running half-naked through the house, let out a laugh and followed me to my room.

He knocked on my door and said, “Hey, I’m *Jack (not his real name), and I’m heading out to the pub with your brother. Want to come?”

I mean, the bloke’s bravado was impressive, but I was still recovering from my almost-nude run. I yelled, “No!” and huddled, embarrassed, in my room until they left. I looked out the window as they were getting in his car, and yep, he was attractive.

He was tanned with really blue eyes, massive shoulders and a firm stocky body. Even now, I get a little flustered thinking about him.

"Horrified that I had been caught in just a towel, I raced to my room – but not before noticing my brother’s friend was hot," recounts Jana Hocking. Picture: istock

The following weekend, I was out with mates at a pub watching a friend’s band play when he strutted in with my brother and a few other friends. He was flirting with another girl, which, of course, sparked my interest, so I waited until he left and then asked my brother for his number. Shameless Jana.

After two Malibu and pineapples (hey, I was in my 20s), I worked up the courage to text him. I said, “Hey, it’s Jana, the girl in the towel from last weekend. I spotted you at the pub tonight and thought we should hang out.”

Within 30 seconds, he replied with a: “I’ll pick you up tomorrow night. Be ready by 7:30pm.”

Is there anything sexier than a man who takes charge? No, there is not.

As promised, he swung by my parent’s house right on time and picked me up in his mum’s car.

Did I know he didn’t have a license back then? Nope.

He was outgoing, really chatty and had a loud booming laugh that lit up a room. I couldn’t get enough of him. Within 30 minutes, we were making out in the back of a movie theatre, and as he drove me home that night, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

Jana’s steamy tale may just sweep a few jailbirds off their feet. Picture: Supplied

Just make sure the man you’re dating has a licence. Picture: Media Mode

During the drive, he explained that he had a court date coming up for an offence that was fairly hectic – not murder or anything crazy like that, but it was safe to say he wasn’t a fan of the law.

Oh yes, the red flags were flying early, but I chose my libido over my brain and thought, oh well, I’m going back to university in a month, so I’ll just enjoy this fling for what it is and then get on with my big life plans.

Over the next couple of weeks, he completely swept me off my feet. From visiting me at my part-time job to drop off lunch, picking me up for fancy dinners, to heading off camping on a moment’s notice, he was sporadic, adventurous, and full of beans.

So, by the time I headed back to university, two hours away, he was heavily on my mind. By day two of moving back into my dorm, he was surprising me with a visit. He arrived on a motorbike completely unannounced, and by the time he left 24 hours later, he had let himself be known to all the guys living in my dorm.

Not in a good way.

A month later, at my birthday party, he arrived drunk and tried to pick a fight with my cousin’s husband. Yep, that was his introduction to my family, but I thought I could fix him.

Once again, oh so cliche!

I could see potential; he was smart so quick-witted, and I believed he just needed a bit of guidance. What I didn’t realise back then was that so did I.

Jana discovered the man she was actually dating after he explained that he had a court date coming up for a ‘fairly hectic’ offence. “It was safe to say he wasn’t a fan of the law.” Picture: jana_hocking

By the time we were reaching the two-year mark, he had already been banned from family gatherings and had enjoyed a brief holiday in weekend detention.

Following that stint, we resumed everyday life, and by everyday life, I mean he would go to work and the pub, and I would race back and forth between university, his house, and my internship in the city.

I averaged at least 300 km a week in my tiny rundown car.

But I was intoxicated with him and naively thought I could help him become the man I thought he could be.

Friends and family started to notice a real change in my personality. I was paying less attention to my degree and more to him. My grades started dropping, and I was constantly anxious because he had a doozy of a temper.

But as you hear so often from people in toxic relationships, when things were good, they were great. I loved his outgoing confidence, and when he paid me attention, it was like the whole world stopped.

But then he would get distracted by friends who were a bad influence or girls who liked his handsome face just as much as I did.

So, when his temper reared its ugly head during a big fight at a pub, I wasn’t shocked. When a police officer gently pushed me backwards to get me out of harm’s way, he decided to grab the officer’s hand, bend back his fingers and subsequently break his hand. Once again, sadly, I was not shocked.

Back to weekend detention he went — this time for a year.

Now, what I wasn’t expecting was that this would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Not only was it a wake-up call for him, but it also helped me remove myself from a bad relationship and gain clarity.

During this time, my mum really sprang into action. Despite all the warnings and pleadings from friends and family during our time together, it wasn’t until he was removed (via a court order) that I would listen to what they had to say.

My grades picked back up at university, I stopped stressing about him getting into fights when I went out, I regained friendships that I lost during my peak infatuation period, and I started finding humour and joy in life again.

By the time he had finished his sentence, I was done with the relationship. Unexpectedly, we both gained freedom after his year of incarceration.

It also helped that he was cheating with me with a local woman who would pick him up for weekend detentions on Sundays when I was heading back to university. How did I find out? Oh, they were spotted by a family friend.

Mortifying.

It took another couple of months of therapy to give me the tools to set boundaries on what I will and won’t accept in a partnership, and it’s safe to say I’m still learning. There have been a few hiccups over the years. But in a weird way, I’m thankful for that relationship. He taught me what I don’t want and will never accept again. I just thank God it was in my early years. I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to go through again.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking