‘Next level ghosting’: Inside cruel new dating trend
A woman who travelled hours to go on a date with a stranger was horrified by his next move – but experts warn this “cowardly” act is on the rise.
A cruel new dating phenomenon women are being subjected to is gathering momentum online, with experts describing it as the “ultimate act of cowardice”.
“Next level ghosting” is the term being used to describe those who commit to elaborate date plans, only to block their online date moments before they were meant to meet for the first time.
Unlike regular ghosting, where your date vanishes into thin air without explanation post-rendezvous, this new take on it is innately more brutal, women are reporting.
One woman in the US travelled eight hours interstate to meet a stranger she’d been chatting to online, only to land and discover he had “blocked me everywhere”.
Another said they sat in a bar for 30 minutes before realising their date had blocked them, despite texting beforehand to say they were “on my way”.
As a 36-year-old single woman in Sydney, I’ve experienced it too, and it can be surprisingly crushing when you discover the person you’re excited to see in real life has mysteriously gone AWOL.
Sex and relationships expert Nadia Bokody said the rise in this ruthless new ghosting trend comes down to a lack of accountability created largely by the digital dating era.
“This is the ultimate act of cowardice and entitlement and unfortunately it’s becoming increasingly common among daters,” she told news.com.au.
“The option to block and essentially erase someone from your life can be done in a few quick taps, decreasing people’s sense of accountability and respect for one another.
“There are no real consequences for treating people as disposable and for acting really poorly.”
Nadia, who shares sex advice on YouTube with her 270,000 followers, added it’s “easy to forget the profiles we’re swiping through on dating apps are real people” but said any form of ghosting was “one of the cruellest and most cowardly things you can do as a dater”.
While it’s not exclusively men who commit this gutless act, the overwhelming number of people talking about being on the receiving end are women, something Nadia points out isn’t a coincidence.
“We live in a culture that still centres men’s egos at the cost of women’s humanity,” she explained.
“Again and again we see examples of men doing horrific things and continuing on to have highly successful careers – there are countless examples of this in the celebrity space, the list goes on and on – and the message is clear: men can essentially do what they like without consequences.
“In the patriarchal world we live in, male lives are seen as more valuable than women’s and so we’re able to brush these things off as ‘good men who’ve made mistakes’.
“Men are judged on their potential, while women are valued against their pasts.”
A woman in the US recently went viral after sharing the outfit she had chosen to wear to a date before she was blocked online.
Her video attracted over 17 million views, prompting many to ask: “Why did he not say he’d changed his mind instead of just unmatching?”
This was a question I had myself, so I took to TikTok to ask men with the hopes of getting some insight.
The response was interesting, with many guys stating it was usually because a “better option” had come along or that the man was already in a committed relationship.
“It’s probably because they are talking to you and more girls and he makes the plan to meet but someone more interesting for him comes along so he bails,” one guy explained.
“1. Married. 2. A better offer. Women also do it,” another bloke agreed.
As one dude said: “You don’t think it’s obvious? He’s in a relationship, gets carried away with how far he’s getting. then reality hits and he backs out! derr.”
One man said it was often about the thrill of the chase, stating the block or unmatch someone at the last minute because “there’s no consequences for their awful actions”.
“They often recycle and repeat the action,” he added.
Another guy agreed with this logic, stating it was usually done by “non committal males”.
“They suddenly realise what they are doing and get scared or they are committed already, cyber more exciting than physical,” he wrote.
Interestingly, heaps of women commented adding their two cents in, labelling the act “spineless” and “horrible”.
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The reality is, there’s many different reasons someone might choose to block you right before your date, but the end result is always the same.
It’s disrespectful, petty and unnecessarily painful and as Nadia explains “there really is no excuse”.
“It comes down to having basic respect for other people, and frankly if you’re unable to do that, I don’t think you’re emotionally mature enough to be dating.”
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