My Tinder date’s gross act after I rejected his dick pic
A Sydney woman has detailed her Tinder date’s brutal reaction after he sent an unsolicited dick pic that wasn’t received the way he wanted.
My Tinder date just dumped me because I didn’t fawn over the unsolicited “dick pic” he sent me on Saturday night.
While you’d be forgiven for thinking this was an exaggerated plot from an episode of Black Mirror, it’s actually the wild and totally exhausting reality of dating heterosexual men in 2022.
While I’m no stranger to the disappointments of online dating, his brutal decision to “go our separate ways” because I didn’t respond to his picture in a way he’d deemed adequate, initially really upset me.
Why was he so rattled I didn’t respond to the full-frontal nude he sent me out of the blue?
Experts say there’s many “different reasons” men send these X-rated images without consent – but in this case, it seemed clear he was doing it for sexual gratification.
As one man wrote when I detailed the situation in a TikTok video, he “threw his toys out the pram” when I didn’t give him the “ego boost” he was wanting.
University of Melbourne School of Social and Political Sciences senior lecturer Lauren Rosewarne agrees dick pics are often a form of “peacocking” and “narcissism”.
“It’s a kind of peacocking behaviour in the sense of hoping the other person will be aroused by what they have on offer,” she told news.com.au.
“There’s the hope of potentially instigating a sexual exchange, I’ve shown you mine now you show me yours.
“I also think there’s some narcissism at play as well.”
The reason I decided not to reply to the message was because the X-rated photo had completely caught me off guard.
While we’d had a couple of cute dates beforehand, he’d shown a distinct lack of enthusiasm about locking in a third date.
“I’m going away, so not anytime soon, LOL,” was the exact response I’d received when I’d asked when we’d next see each other.
So I’d let it be, and he went off to the Gold Coast for a weekend away with friends.
But two days later, I received the naked image along with the words: “Hello from the GC.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I am down for a bit of flirting – but considering the lacklustre effort he’d made to see me again, the image just felt weird.
So I went to bed, deciding I’d mention how uncomfortable it made me feel when we next saw each other.
However, he followed up with a second message making it clear he was annoyed at my silence, and I felt bad.
That guilty feeling hung over me for the next 24 hours as he gave me the silent treatment. I tried reaching out multiple times in order to smooth things over, but it was evident he wasn’t happy.
Then I came across a piece titled “The Rise of Lonely, Single Men” written by couples psychologist Dr Greg Matos which argued that dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.
The report highlighted a growing problem identified in a 2020 study that found loneliness is greater in men than in women.
“I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45,” Dr Matos wrote for Psychology Today.
“They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.”
However, he pointed out that while women’s standards were rising, men were yet to “step up” and as a result there was a deficit that “men need to address” if they wanted a healthy relationship.
It made me think about the situation I was currently in with my Tinder date, who was now officially ghosting me because I hadn’t responded to his dick pic in a way he’d deemed adequate — and I’d had enough.
Picking up my phone, I decided to call out the shoddy behaviour.
“Ignoring me after making me feel bad for missing your text is a dick move,” I wrote.
“I have zero interest in playing games. If you can’t communicate with me – don’t bother contacting me again.”
Within minutes I had a reply.
“Jesus, I am on holidays Bex. I have a life outside of you. It’s clear you need a lot of attention and I’m sorry but I can’t give that to you,” he wrote.
“I think we should go our separate ways.”
Even though I’d instigated the end by setting a boundary, our interaction was still upsetting and I found myself in floods of tears.
But, I wasn’t crying over him.
I’ve been single for eight years, and the demise of this initially hopeful connection was the latest in a long line of dating disappointment.
As the hundreds of comments on my TikTok video show, the bar is woefully low for straight men these days.
“I like how he turned that around. The mature levels are completely off,” one user commented.
“So ‘he's’ needy and obviously insecure. Seems he’s got some growing up to do,” another said.
As one added: “You hurt his ego so he’s gaslighting you.”
Many women also chipped in saying they had experienced similar “awful behaviour” – and reassured me I’d “dodged a bullet”.
“Not failed …. you’ve eliminated another unworthy male from the list,” one said.
“Red flag! You dodged a bullet there!” another added.
Another declared: “Do not let his bs words bother u. Keep ur standards high because YOU ARE WORTH IT.”
In reality, I knew his response was a classic example of “toxic male projection”, but dating today is hard and at times it can get to you.
What’s truly saddening about this situation is the sheer volume of women who have experienced it.
As Dr Matos wrote recently, men need to step up as women are not willing to put up with this disrespectful behaviour anymore.
He’s spot on. I’d rather be single than be made to feel bad for not pandering to a man’s fragile male ego — and I’m not alone. Women everywhere have had enough.
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