Jana Hocking: Three tips that will get you out of heartbreak hell

Podcaster Jana Hocking has three tips that will get you out of “heartbreak hell” – declaring one that will get you back dating in no time.

Confession time … I’ve been dealing with some heartbreak lately.

It’s ticking all the boxes in terms of physical and mental side-effects. Loss of appetite, stints of profound sadness, a sense of loss, and a general struggle to stay focused.

It’s been a fair while between heartbreaks, but I recognise it well.

So, I did what I always do, I turned to the Googlesphere at around 2am on Tuesday night, to find a quick fix remedy to concur my shattered heart, and get back into the game.

Sadly, it didn’t give me much hope. So I shamelessly took to Instagram and asked people to come on the podcast and share some tips and tricks that worked for them when in a similar situation. And I’m happy to say I found what I was looking for!

‘Confession time … I’ve been dealing with some heartbreak lately.’ Picture: Instagram/@janahocking

Jana has three tips to help get you out of heartbreak hell. Picture: Instagram/@janahocking

In fact, I was overwhelmed with love and help. However, there were three people that really stood out with their remedies. So, should you currently find yourself in a similar situation, here is what worked for them … and now me!

1. OK so this is by far the most adorable!

One of my guests revealed that he was dumped in the middle of lockdown. Ouch!

His partner moved out, and he couldn’t even go to the pub with friends to have a good ol’ vent alongside a nice glass of shiraz! Nope, he was stuck indoors while a worldwide pandemic did the rounds.

So during a comforting phone call with his Mum, she suggested he download the Harry Potter audio books, voiced by the big warm blanket known as Stephen Fry, and listen to them while doing hot laps around the 5km radius of his house. They didn’t feature any form of ridiculous romance that would make him miss his ex, and let’s be honest, they’re impossible not to get caught up in.

He discovered that for one entire hour of the day, he could pop his headphones on, get out in the fresh air, and get caught up in all things Hogwarts-related. It was heaven on his overthinking brain.

2. Get your friends to write you a love letter.

I don’t know if you’ve ever read Dolly Alderton’s memoir, also known as the ultimate single girl’s bible, Everything I Know About Love.

But the general lesson she learnt while writing the book (which is now a BRILLIANT TV series on Stan) is that blokes come and go, but your real, steadfast relationships will always be with the friends that stood by your side through it all.

They’ve held your hair back while you vomited after choosing vodka over therapy to deal with heartbreak. They’ve staunchly pulled rank when you’ve tried to call the ex who stomped all over your heart, and they’ve constantly reminded you why you deserve better.

So when one of my podcast guests revealed that when she was in the midst of absolute heartbreak misery she asked her friends to send her a handwritten letter outlining her positive qualities I thought … genius!

Listen, if you’re anything like me, when a bloke dumps you, you will take a deep dive into everything you think is wrong with you.

What gave him the ick? Was it your bad breath in the morning? The way you ate spaghetti? Your high forehead? Honestly, the brain goes to some weird places when you’re feeling dud, and you can start believing it as fact

‘Now to be kind to yourself and for heavens sakes, eat a carb!’ Picture: Instagram/@janahocking

Yes, the ol’ self-worth really takes a beating during this time. So why not get some friends to remind you why they think you’re pretty darn fabulous. The upside is you will have these letters forever and can turn to them when you’re feeling like absolute rubbish.

3. And finally the Samantha Jones method.

Yes, dear reader, if you’ve ever binged Sex and the City as much as I have, you will know that one fine remedy is brought to us by the most superior member of the cast … Samantha Jones. Who states, “Oh honey, to get over someone you have to get under someone!”

Do you know what’s better than pining over your ex? Having hot, steamy sex with a stranger.

Listen, I’m not saying it’s a long term remedy, but it sure can be good for the short term. Just make sure you wear a condom. Good lord, no one has time for a baby or an STD in the middle of a break up.

But honestly, if you need a quick fix that gets the loins going, then why not give it a go?

Now, be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’ll get better eventually.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends. | @jana_hocking