Jana Hocking on why men don’t like successful women

There’s one character attribute that most men find particularly difficult to swallow when it comes to dating and it needs to stop, says Jana Hocking.

I don’t know if it’s because I live in the city, and maybe things are different here, but for some reason I’m in my mid-30s and still single – with a fabulous friendship group of women who are all in the same boat.

Pre-lockdown, we were all at a lovely long lunch, enjoying bottles of rose, oysters, pasta and some really great conversation when I looked around and thought, “How the heck are all these girls single?” I might be biased, but seriously, they are all gorgeous, outgoing have awesome jobs and are hilariously fun.

Yet, here we are in our 30s, still chatting about the various dates we’d been on and pondering about blokes taking forever to text us back.

It just doesn’t make sense.

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Jana Hocking can’t help but wonder why so many great women in their 30s are single.

The next day I was enjoying a nice Sunday sleep in, reading the paper in bed with a coffee, when I came across an interview with Dr Kate Adams from Bondi Vet (the TV show and real-life veterinary clinic).

In the article she stated: “I have found that successful women generally aren’t seen as appealing for guys, particularly when the opposite tends to be true when women view a potential partner.”

She also admitted that because of her job which many believe offers quite a good wage, she is expected to pay the bill at the end of each date.

Now this really caught my attention and I immediately slid into her DMs to see if she would come onto the podcast for a chat about that very dilemma.

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Bondi Vet Dr Kate Adams.

You see, I’ve been on two different types of dates. There’s the guy who wants to tell you all about his career, and proudly talk about the crazy stress and responsibility that comes with it. Then there is the guy who likes his job but is more excited about the footy on Friday night, and is ready to settle down with a nice lady and set up a home with kids and a white picket fence.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with these guys, the thing is though, find yourself on a date with either one, and often you will see their eyes glaze over as you start telling them about your job, including your ambitions and goals.

It would appear, from the outside, that many find it emasculating for a woman to kick ass in their career. Heaven forbid if she makes more money than them.

Yet, to be fair, there are many who would love it. The only problem is, those who cheer in our corner seem to be few and far between.

My question is … why?!

Is it a cave man thing, deep ingrained in our psyche that man is big tough hunter and woman stays home and looks after the cave?

Are they worried that we are encroaching on their masculine energy? Do we come across as bossy or outspoken?

Umm … have they not been following along with the #MeToo movement? Turns out we are quite capable of looking after ourselves.

Jana doesn’t need a man who can’t deal with female success.

Recently I have been blessed to work alongside some men who have really championed my cause. It was a man who helped make my podcast see the light of day, and I have another wise male friend who I turn to constantly for no BS career advice.

Because let’s be honest, no BS advice is the BEST advice!

So I know they are out there. But where are they in the dating world? Some would argue that myself, and other women like Dr Kate are clearly dating the wrong blokes, and sure this could be true, but you don’t truly know until you find yourself sitting across from them, pinot noir in hand.

I often get men slide into my DMs telling me that I’m too picky, or too busy, or like Dr Kate mentions in my podcast, they will say “a career won’t keep you warm at night”, and I cannot tell you how infuriating that is.

Has a woman ever said that to a male lawyer, or pilot or business owner? Nope.

And here’s a hot tip for you blokes, when we work together, I feel more in tune with my feminine energy then ever before.

So choof off with your old school views and do me a favour … don’t swipe right. Because just like yours, my time is precious.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking