‘F**k it’: TikTokers call for ‘death’ of ‘chill girl’ dating myth

Dozens of TikTokers have called for the “death” of a long-held unrealistic dating myth, calling on women to “drop the act”.

Eli Rallo has never, ever been a so-called “chill girl”.

“I’m literally bats**t,” the 23-year-old New Yorker told theNew York Post. “Like, who cares?”

Rallo declared the once trendy “chill girl” persona – a girl who’s just “one of the boys” and doesn’t dare vocalise her feelings – officially over in a now-viral TikTok clip, which has amassed over 376,000 likes.

“It was cool to be ‘that’ girl: minimalist, with a polished and pretty clean girl aesthetic,” Rallo, who believes guys seek out “chill” girls, explained.

“And it feels like squeezing yourself into a pair of pants that don’t fit. That’s never been who I am.”

She isn’t the only one fed up with being a certified “chill girl”.

For TikToker and university student Maalvika Bhat, ditching the “chill girl” expectation was freeing – and, after her TikTok calling for the “death of the chill girl” went viral, she discovered that more women want to be freed, too.

“I don’t care if you guys are hooking up and you want to know if he’s seeing other people, you can ask him that,” the 21-year-old says in the clip, which now has over 103,000 likes. “You don’t have to worry about being chill.”

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The societal need for the “chill girl” persona stems from negative depictions of women being “annoying, overly emotional and controlling”, explained sociologist Jennifer Gunsaullus, who is now seeing a “f**k it” attitude amongst younger women.

“[I’ve seen] the bigger picture of women who are rebelling from the BS ‘feminine training’ we’ve received, what it is to be a good woman or a good girlfriend, how you’re supposed to be sexy or pretty,” Dr Gunsaullus said.

Jareen Imam, 33, was shocked her dating app prospects specifically requested “chill girls” only.

“I didn’t really understand what that meant,” Imam, who works in tech, told The Post.

“But ultimately, it was clear over time going on dates with some of these individuals that a ‘chill girl’ had very specific connotations, and one of them was essentially not asking for too much in a relationship.”

One guy even told her she seemed “really excitable” and that he wasn’t “looking for someone with so much drama” after only talking about one of her interests.

“It made me feel like I couldn’t be myself,” she said, adding that her personality had never been an issue with prospective boyfriends before. “I care about a lot of things, I have big opinions and that’s OK. I like being me.”

For Nashville-based marketing manager Ilianca Sipos, not caring just wasn’t sustainable.

“You can’t live or date someone when you’re not being your authentic self and by letting things slide that you don’t want to let slide,” the 25-year-old, who was afraid to “ruffle any feathers” if she wasn’t chill, said.

“We would have never been chill in our careers, we’re never chill with other things that bother us, so why would we be chill with relationships?”

Holding back feelings in relationships causes built-up frustration, which New York dating coach Grace Lee said later bubbles over as a “freak out” and results in the woman being labelled as “crazy”.

Maalvika Bhat went viral for her claim that the “chill girl” is “dead.” Picture: Supplied

Ilianca Sipos said that for her, being “chill” wasn’t sustainable. Picture: Supplied

But, she advised that having a “take it or leave it” attitude isn’t a thoughtful way to approach a relationship, either.

Dr Gunsaullus also advised against doing a swift 180, “but generally, when folks are saying ‘f**k it’ to something, they’re still very reactive”.

Instead, she suggested reflecting on how women are “showing up” and finding balance between saying “f**k it”, which she says is self-centred, and being a people pleaser or “chill girl”.

Bhat said putting herself first was ultimately what made her most happy.

“It felt like I wasn’t winning because I was centring what the guy thought about me rather than my own wants and needs and boundaries,” she said.

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She chalked up the rise of the “chill girl” to Alex Cooper’s Barstool podcast Call Her Daddy, which Bhat described as perpetuating the idea that “caring isn’t cool, feelings aren’t cool and [women should] be like the guys who don’t care”.

“Call Her Daddy-era feminism started [this]. ‘Treat guys the way they treat you’. ‘Casual dating means no respect’. ‘It means the more detached you are, the more successful you are’,” Bhat said.

For Imam, refusing to be a “chill girl” meant being upfront about her interests and moving on when the guy just didn’t align, allowing her to meet her current partner of a year.

“He came to me and he was like, ‘I like that you have no chill’,” she said. “That reaffirms that I found my person and I think it was because I started leaning more into who I am.”

Rallo, who has a loud internet personality, would rather be herself and wait longer for someone who appreciates that side of her than be miserable with someone who doesn’t.

“If every woman just decides to be herself and drop the act – and we stop trying to squeeze ourselves into pants that don’t fit,” she said, “men are either just going to have to deal with that or the bad ones are just going to die alone.”

This article originally appeared on the New York Post and was reproduced with permission