Dry dating: Gen Z increasingly going sober on first dates

First dates are increasingly going sober – and there’s one age group leading the charge.

Many a love story has been forged over the simple act of grabbing a drink. But the practice of sober or dry dating is on the rise – and Gen Z are leading the charge.

A survey from the dating app Hinge earlier this year found that three out of four of its users no longer prefer going out for drinks as a first date – with Gen Z more likely than Millennials to prefer alcohol-free first dates. Nearly one in three Gen Z Hinge users said they have no drinks on an average date.

It’s no secret that teenagers and young adults across the developed world are drinking less than ever before.

A 2019 global drug survey found Australia to be the drunkest country in the world. But the National Drug Strategy Household Survey that same year found the proportion of people in their 20s abstaining from alcohol had more than doubled in the 18 years between 2001 and 2019, from 9 per cent to 22 per cent.

Asked what’s driving Gen Z’s sobriety, La Trobe University researcher Dr Amy Pennay, who along with her colleague noticed a decade ago that young people had been drinking less, said it was “a really difficult question to unpack”.

“There is a whole range of factors that seem to be shaping the way young people are moving into adulthood,” Dr Pennay told Financial Review in February.

“And it’s not just alcohol consumption going down. It’s drug use as well. They’re having sex later, they are driving later, going into paid work and leaving home later.

“They are focusing on the future, doing well at school, doing well at university, making money because it’s a competitive job market.”

TikTok user Issy posts under the handle @sobertwenties. Picture: TikTok

Millie Gooch has been sober for five years. Picture: Instagram

When it comes to dry dating, many people – not just Gen Z – somewhat stumbled into it by necessity during the dreaded pandemic years.

The default of grabbing a drink or two was no longer an option with restaurants and bars closed, prompting singles to get creative when it came to any first (or subsequent) dates.

“Due to the lockdown restrictions, all singles could really do was go on walks,” dating coach at Sydney’s The Social Collective, Russ Ross, told the BBC.

“So, the traditional thinking of meeting for a first date shifted from dinner and drinks to bushwalks, trail walks, dog walks and any other socially distanced outdoor activity.”

These types of dates, he said, also tend to make more sense as daytime activities, “which almost removed the expectation of alcohol and drinks”.

TikTok user Issy – who posts under the handle @sobertwenties and has a following of more than 35,900 – was asked in a recent video how she bypasses the issue as “everyone wants to meet for drinks”.

“I’ve always been really upfront about [my sobriety],” she said, wearing the decision “like a badge of honour, rather than being embarrassed of it”.

If potential partners aren’t supportive? “Move on,” Issy said.

“They’re not for you, they’re not for your journey and they’re not going to add anything to your life.”

Millie Gooch, the British founder of Sober Girl Society – one of the world’s biggest communities for sober women – has noticed “a significant shift in reactions from potential suitors when I tell them I don’t drink”.

The 26-year-old has been sober for five years, having given up alcohol in her early twenties “thanks to an escalation in my problematic drunken behaviour”.

“The once predictable ‘how boring’ [response from dates] started to turn into a surprising, ‘Oh cool, I’m trying to cut down, too,’ and the number of lads who have volunteered to join me in not drinking for the evening has only increased,” Ms Gooch wrote in a December piece for Popsugar.

Mr Ross told the BBC that the pivot to alcohol-free dating “has shifted our outlook from a culture of disposable dates and regrettably drunk ‘hook-ups’ to one of potential connection”.

‘Not drinking on dates allowed me to assess if I actually had a connection with someone or if I just fancied them because I’d inhaled vast quantities of gin.’ Picture: iStock

It’s a view that’s shared: A 2022 trends survey by the dating app Bumble in the UK found that 62 per cent of people embracing dry dating thought they’d “form a more genuine connection” on a meet-up that was alcohol-free; 54 per cent were aiming for more “mindful and intentional” dating.

While “pre-sobriety me couldn’t have imagined anything worse than sober dating”, Ms Gooch agreed, explaining she was “able to be myself” and surprisingly “grew in confidence”.

“Not drinking on dates allowed me to assess if I actually had a connection with someone or if I just fancied them because I’d inhaled vast quantities of gin. Plus, it also helped me to see any red flags early that I might not have spotted with a booze brain.”