Trolls said I looked like something that was partially digested by their dog

FEW people have the courage and resilience Carly showed after her photo went viral on Reddit, attracting hundreds of cruel comments.

Appearance activist Carly Findlay knows how hurtful those ‘tag your mate’ memes can be. Picture: Carly Findlay

YOU know those memes that say “tag a mate who looks like this” or “I’m looking for Carly, can you please tag her?”, and there’s a picture of an overweight/disabled/visibly different person?

They’ve got to stop.

I’ve been that person ridiculed online because of my appearance. I’m friends with others who have experienced this too. It’s dehumanising. And a shameful act to engage in.

Almost three years ago, my photo was posted on the WTF? forum on Reddit. I have a rare, severe skin condition called Ichthyosis. I woke up to see hundreds of comments ridiculing my appearance. Comments like:

“What does your vagina look like?”

“WTF is that? Looks like something that was partially digested by my dog.”

“Lobster.”

“She looks like a glazed doughnut.”

This wasn’t a shareable Facebook meme — and three years ago is a long time ago on the internet — so I’m thankful that the hate speech was contained on Reddit (and a little on my blog when I wrote about it and after it hit the media).

But it had a big impact on me. I had to read what hundreds of strangers thought about me. I had to read that I should be killed with fire. Words can hurt.

I’m lucky I am resilient — even after many years of being worn down by schoolyard bullying. I’m confident with how I look, despite my face being red and shiny. And I changed the conversation on Reddit by responding to the trolls directly.

Carly has a lifelong skin genetic skin condition called ichthyosis form erythroderma. It means she has scaly red skin. Picture: Carly Findlay

I had the support of family, friends, blog readers and the media. But some of the people whose pictures are misused online might not have support around them. They might hate their appearance. That meme might push them over the edge, driving them to suicide.

Sadly, some people I know have tagged their mates in memes of overweight women. Even when I’ve told them about the impact these memes have on me and others, they don’t get it. They don’t understand what it’s like to be mocked or excluded because of their appearance.

A first-hand story about how these types of memes affect an actual person is not enough for them to become empathetic and remorseful. They just get defensive. I thought that once they knew about how I’ve been treated because of appearance, they might stop engaging in this immature, heartless activity. They didn’t.

When I speak up, I’m told to move on. It’s just friendly chatter. They’re good people, just having a laugh. They’re not doing any harm.

Except they are. And if they claim to be inclusive and against bullying, they are contradicting their values by sharing these memes for a laugh.

One of the people whose photo has been used in these memes, Lizzie Velasquez, responded earlier this week.

“I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy”, Lizzie wrote on Facebook. “No matter what we look like or what size we are, at the end of the day we are all human. I ask that you keep that in mind the next time you see a viral meme of a random stranger. At the time you might find it hilarious but the human in the photo is probably feeling the exact opposite.”

She’s one of my appearance diversity heroes.

As a result of Lizzie’s words, and Facebook users reporting these memes, some of the accounts spreading this hate and ridicule have been removed.

“I’m over the moon with gratitude!!!!! Positive change is possible when we all work together!!!” Lizzie said.

So don’t be THAT person to share these posts ridiculing strangers’ appearances. That person who laughs at an overweight woman, or who wants their friends to see you laughing at vulgar phrase pasted above a wheelchair user. That person who ribs their mate for being so remotely linked to a person who is pictured with food all over their face because their mate’s name is on the meme.

And don’t expect me to accept your justifications for doing so.

Think about who sharing these memes affects. Your friend, sibling, parent, child, you, me. You can have a laugh without humiliating another person.

If you tag a mate to ridicule a stranger for how they look you’re not my mate.

Carly Findlay is an award winning writer, speaker and appearance activist — communicating what it’s like to look different. She blogs at carlyfindlay.blogspot.com and tweets @carlyfindlay