My man does more chores than me and people think he’ll leave me

A new Australian study has unearthed a disgusting truth about how most men and women spend their days - and something needs to change.

OPINION

My boyfriend does more of the domestic load than me. He cooks, cleans, and occasionally bakes. I am that Cardi B rap verse in WAP, “I don’t cook, I don’t clean, but let me show you how I got this ring!” OK, minus the ring.

In all seriousness, I cook, clean, and even face scrubbing the toilet occasionally. But, if I’m honest, my boyfriend does those things more frequently. I often joke that he is the Martha Stewart to my Snoop Dogg.

However, I wasn’t surprised when the Australian Bureau of Statistics recently did a study that uncovered women spent four hours and 31 minutes a day doing unpaid work activities and in comparison, men spent over an hour less on these activities, averaging around the three-hour mark.

In our house, I’d say those numbers are reversed. I’m very aware that our situation isn’t the norm for a couple of reasons. Whenever I mention in passing that my boyfriend is the primary cook, most people say things like, “Wow, you’re so lucky!” or “You’ll have to keep him”.

On the surface very nice things to say, and yes, I’d like to keep him. But it just points out that it is still noteworthy for a man to be the main chef of the household. It’s still seen as commendable rather than completely bloody normal.

Why is a man cleaning so much more impressive than a woman doing the exact same thing? Picture: iStock.

Similarly, if I mention that my partner is more likely to mop the floors or do a grocery run, once again, people always act surprised and impressed. Why? Because it’s still normal for men not to do those things.

Meanwhile, I know plenty of women who are the primary chefs and cleaners, and I’ve never once heard anyone say, “Wow, you are so lucky!” Because it’s expected. It is expected in our society that women simply do more. Hence, in every sitcom, the woman is always cooking in the kitchen while the wacky husband chats with her while simultaneously doing nothing to help.

Our household workload dynamic is still abnormal among our friends even though all my female friends describe themselves as feminists and are with surface-level progressive partners. You know, the kind of guys that post about abortion rights on their Instagram stories.

Yet I have noticed that most of my female friends have still fallen into doing the bulk of domestic labour. Sure, their boyfriend wears the ‘The Future Is Female’ T-shirt but the female in his house is still the only one cleaning the toilet.

My domestic set-up with my boyfriend is also a complete 360 from my childhood. My dad has always proudly boasted that he can’t cook and what that has meant is that every meal I ate as a child was produced by my mum, besides the occasional meat pie, my dad would microwave for me. I’m highlighting that my relationship is bucking the trend. I know we aren’t the norm.

Mary Madigan’s partner does more housework than her and people are surprised. Picture: Supplied.

I’m particularly aware because people have often berated me for not contributing more at home. As if the fact that I cook less means, ultimately, my boyfriend may start to love me less. My own nan has often said that I should do more!

And perhaps that would be a fair enough point if I’d ever heard anyone say that to a man. Men aren’t expected to earn love and devotion via household chores, but women are.

The fact that my boyfriend does more of the domestic load currently works for us. I swear I do other helpful things too. Don’t worry, I’m still carrying the bulk of the emotional labour. But the fact that this is still seen as remarkable and interesting, the fact that people still call me ‘lucky,’ just proves we have a long way to go until, as a society it is expected that men do their equal share. Personally, I’m doing my bit because whenever a woman tells me her partner is cooking dinner. I reply with, “As he should.”

Mary Madigan is a freelance writer.