‘I didn’t shed a tear as I handed my newborn to his new parents’

Audrey fell pregnant at just 20. Unable to care for him herself she gave him up for adoption, saying: “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Deciding to give your baby up for adoption is never easy, but one woman has bravely opened up about her experience.

Audrey Fontaine, from the US, penned a piece describing the complex mix of emotions surrounding the process.

Here, her she tells her story in her own words, as published by Kidspot.

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At 20 years old, I hit rock bottom. I burnt bridges with my family and friends. I was homeless and jobless.

I was sitting in my car when my instincts told me to get a pregnancy test. I held my breath as I watched the two lines appear in less than 30 seconds.

Immediately following my positive test, I texted and called the father only to hear his voicemail and receive no response.

I drove 30 minutes to his apartment only to have the door shut on my face and the police arrived to remove me from his sight. My heart shattered into a million pieces.

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Audrey was struggling when she unexpectedly fell pregnant. Picture: Supplied/Kidspot

I really believed I was alone

My dad called me and tried to convince me that the only place for this baby was with another family.

I was offended by that. I couldn’t understand why my dad wouldn’t think I was capable of being a mother.

But then I hung up the phone, and I looked around me. I couldn’t support myself. I couldn’t raise this baby and give it the life it deserves. My dad was right.

It hit me minutes after our phone call, and I immediately called the adoption lawyer.

We discussed a plan to start the process of me placing my child for adoption and I willingly agreed. I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to, but my heart knew it was the right thing to do.

Within a few days, I was sent multiple profiles of parents who were wanting to adopt. But theirs stood out.

Audrey decided it was best to put her baby up for adoption. Picture: Supplied/Kidspot

They were meant to be my child’s parents

I don’t know what it was about their profile that got to me, but if I had to choose one thing they said that touched me, it would be the last part of their story. It was their promise.

“We can’t imagine what is going through your mind now that we have shared pieces of our hearts with you. We understand you may be overwhelmed, we know we would be.

“But before you go we want to promise you a few things about how we anticipate raising a child. We promise to love your child unconditionally and provide a home where that love is felt daily. We promise to laugh often, wipe away tears and encourage your child when they are feeling down.

“We will be a strong support system that will always be cheering them on with the little and big moments in life. We will be at every ball game, dance recital, and school play. We promise your child will always know how much he or she is loved by you and the sacrifice that you made for them.

“We will speak about you often and have open communication with your child as they ask questions and want to know more about you. We promise to keep our communication with you open and honour whatever level of openness you want. You will always be family to us and will be treated with kindness and love.”

Audrey handing her son to his adoptive parents. Picture: Supplied/Kidspot

I spoke to them the next day – we all cried

It was as if the stars aligned, and I felt like I had known them for my entire life.

It was the light I had been searching for during this sad and lonely time. After this phone call, they helped me plan out a date to fly and see them.

I spent an amazing weekend with them getting to know their story. I knew these two people would do everything I couldn’t.

I wasn’t scared anymore, because I knew that they not only would adore this little baby, but they also loved me too. I felt at home and at peace

On October 6, 2019, a little someone decided to come two days early and break my water. We all rushed to the hospital.

The first time I saw him, my mind when from nervous to calm. He was the most precious thing I had ever laid my eyes on.

Audrey will always be a part of her son’s life. Picture: Supplied/Kidspot

The adoptive parents walked in with eager eyes

They walked up to me, and I handed them their baby boy. The exchange wasn’t sad either. I wasn’t giving my child away.

I was placing him into the arms of two loving parents who would always be a part of me and my life.

The only time I uncontrollably cried was when I signed my rights over.

I don’t know if it was the sleep deprivation or that I had my entire family with me. I was so overwhelmed by the love and support I had during this journey but that was just beginning.

I wasn’t saying goodbye. I knew he was forever going to be a part of my life

Fast forward to today, and he is 15 months old. I have seen him twice since his birth, and I am in close contact with their entire family. I get pictures, texts, and tons of FaceTime calls with all of them

Some days are hard, but I don’t regret my decision. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

You can follow Audrey on Instagram

This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced with permission