As a nation, we can only care about three Aussie celebrities at any given time
2023 has been a huge year but these photos of Aussie celebrities reveal the one thing we haven’t stopped talking about.
OPINION
If this last year has taught us anything, it is that, as a nation, we can only care about approximately three Aussie celebrities at any given time.
This is similar to how a dad reacts when you ask him to do two things at once. As a nation, we can’t be invested in too many celebs without getting overwhelmed and overstimulated.
When it comes to anyone outside our golden trio, we may as well shrug and say, “Yeah, nah, mate, so why wasn’t Michael wearing a shirt?”
Carrie Bickmore, Michael Clarke, and Jackie O Henderson have been carrying the entertainment load on their famous backs for the entirety of 2023.
I’m sure Michael can handle it. The man has had to endure playing cricket for years. I’m no cricket expert, but they have to stand out in the sun for hours while wearing long pants and are occasionally expected to touch a ball or not. What are the rules again?
On the other hand, Jackie O and Carrie Bickmore wouldn’t be used to such harsh conditions and may need rehydration from a giant Frank Green water bottle to cope with all the fanfare and unwanted attention.
These celebrities have dominated the news cycle all year, and the best part? Often, for no real reason at all, we just like talking about them.
There is a common thread, and the three have one thing in common. But no, it isn’t that they all own vacation houses in Byron Bay.
That’s Hemsworth’s thing, and no one would dare take that away from him; besides the fact he wears no shoes, also responds to the name ‘Thor’ and hangs out with Matt Damon, that’s pretty much his whole identity.
So why do we care so much about the trio?
They’ve all made the mistake of doing one exciting thing this year, and we’ve all just been obsessed with them ever since.
You know, like when your boring cousin gets divorced and then suddenly they become interesting again.
In January, Carrie announced she was splitting from her partner Chris Walker.
The couple did the celebrity thing and posted an Instagram update to let everyone know it was over and was a “tough” time, but their kids were doing “great” and asked everyone to respect their privacy.
Everyone, like a mum ‘accidentally’ reading your mail, ignored the privacy request and begged for details for the rest of the year.
Since then, we won’t let Carrie move or speak to a man without speculating if this will be her next match, and if she posts a photo in a swimsuit, we get so excited we have to fan ourselves.
At this point, if Carrie cut her hair, the nation would come to a standstill so that we could comment on it.
Jackie O sealed her fate when she lost a dramatic amount of weight this year, and now, anytime she’s spotted on her $13 million eastern suburbs balcony, we all get a bit excited.
If she’s out there lifting weights, we want to know about it, having a cup of tea on the balcony; we need the photos.
At some point this year, even a man was seen on her balcony! Looking back, we all lost our minds; that was ridiculous, but it is what it is.
Meanwhile, Michael entered the year by limping shirtless in Noosa Park, having a fight with his then-girlfriend and sister-in-law of Karl Stefanovic Jade Yarbrough.
We may never recover from that; something about a man fighting for his woman shirtless is somehow so Aussie … if he had held a VB, it would have looked like an artsy beer commercial.
Ever since all anyone has wanted to know is if he and Jade are staying together or calling it quits, and throughout the year, we’ve been left with more questions than answers.
Looking back, lots happened in 2023; Christian Wilkins wore lots of fun outfits, Kochie retired, and Chrissie Swan became really into walking … but the only three people Australia wanted to talk about were Carrie, Michael and Jackie O.
Hopefully, in 2024, we will find some new celebrities to annoy; fingers crossed, Karl Stefanovic will get mouthy in an Uber again.
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