Don’t you dare call Madonna a bad mother

IT DOESN’T get much worse in terms of insults. It would cut any parent to the bone. Em Rusciano has some choice words for Madonna’s critics.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 09: Musician Madonna attends the 5th Annual Sean Penn & Friends HELP HAITI HOME Gala benefiting J/P Haitian Relief Organization at Montage Hotel on January 9, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Angela Weiss/Getty Images)

IF YOU’RE going to call a woman a bad mother, you better have evidence to back that claim up, proof that she has completely and utterly failed in her duties as a carer for her children.

For me, it doesn’t get much worse in terms of insults. They’re heavy, damaging words to throw at a woman and they cut deeply, no matter who that mother is.

Madonna proved this by posting a photo on her Instagram of her and her four kids on the road together.

The caption speaks for itself. It reads, “It’s possible to be an entertainer and a good mother!!! Too bad we don’t live in a society where many encourage strong independent single working Moms! The next great Frontier!”

One can only assume she is addressing the recent controversy that has surrounded her custody arrangement with ex-husband, Guy Ritchie. In December, their son Rocco failed to return to New York for Christmas and the start of the school year.

All we really know is Madonna had to attend court regarding her custody arrangement with Guy. That’s absolutely the only fact we are certain of and yet every article and morning TV discussion has been filled with wild speculation and of course every bit of it has painted Madonna as a bad mother, often in the most wounding ways. There have been articles with headlines like, “Why Madonna’s kids hate her.”

At this juncture I would like to point out that Guy Ritchie shoots a feature film roughly once a year, which I assume would require location shoots and huge amounts of working hours. Madonna goes on a world tour about once every four years, so let’s not paint him as the long suffering stay at home father who just wants to rescue his son from his negligent mother and a horrible transient existence.

The Guy Ritchie, Madonna split has turned ugly. Picture: AP Photo/Sang Tan

It seems the messages here are always going to be ‘working mothers hurt kids’ and ‘if there’s trouble with a kid, blame Mum.’

I like my job, and I know that I’m a better mother because I do it. A good mother is a good mother regardless of whether she works or not, regardless of if she is arguably the biggest pop-diva-style-icon of all time or not.

There are no medals here, there is no all-seeing, all-knowing, governing body determining who gets a gold star when your kids grow up.

As a mother I only answer to two people, my daughters.

They seem pretty happy, they’re both considerate and kind to the elderly and animals, and they say ‘I love you’ without prompting at the end of every day. It’s not perfect but it works for us.

My kids know they’re loved if I’m at home cooking dinner or on the road for a couple of weeks.

Location does not determine level of parenting skill. They also have a wonderful father who is with them when I’m not.

The other thing is, I’m proud of how hard I work. I want my kids to see that I’m passionate about something. They see my creative process from start to finish, they know I sometimes write into the early hours of the morning, they see the rehearsals, they see the costumes and in time they will see my shows.

Likewise Madonna’s kid’s have always been on tour with her, and, from the looks of it, loved it. Also — the last time she was meant to tour Australia she cancelled, saying “my children are my first priority” so clearly she is incredibly conscious and mindful of what’s best for them. That all being said, I don’t feel I owe anyone an explanation as to why I work, and neither does Madonna!

Isn’t it about time we stop s***ting on mothers who make different choices to what society’s preconceived ideas are about what motherhood should look like? Can we all just move on from the notion that there is one set way to be a mother and that anything that deviates from that is somehow negligent, selfish and uncaring? Lets agree to continually evolve our notions on this topic, yes? YES!

My children are eight and 14, my eldest is smack bang mid-teens and it’s terrifying.

Everyone knows that’s when things can really turn to s**t. Christ I remember how I was at that age. I hope that if, and when, my daughter and I have a tough period, not everyone will leap to the conclusion that I am a terrible mother and that I ruined her by working.

I mean, is it not conceivable that 15-year-old Rocco was just being a teenager asserting himself, doing what he wants to do? That it, in fact, has nothing to so with his mother’s parenting capabilities.

Em Rusciano knows what it’s like to be called a bad mother, and it cuts to the bone.

Disclaimer: Em is a lifelong Madonna fan, in fact Em spent the first half of her childhood convinced Madonna was her biological mother. What?! She could be! Madonna, like Em is Italian, fierce, unapologetic and muscular, she also had short brown hair for a period and, hello, Madonna is the Italian word for mother!

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram or listen to her podcast. Tickets for her latest tour ‘Not a Diva’ have just gone on sale.