Don’t say thank you, say sorry mum

WE’VE got the sentiment wrong on Mother’s Day. We shouldn’t be thankful, we should be sorry. Sorry for oh so many things.

MOTHER’S Day is a lovely idea. As Hallmark would say, show her you care, say “Thank You Mum”, spoil her on that special day of the year. And then don’t even bother to empty the dishwasher the other 364 days.

I don’t wish to sound ungrateful and look a gift horse in the mouth. I’m just saying if the gift horse could pick up after himself that would make the Thank You a little more believable.

But I don’t think Mother’s Day should be about the gifts. No I think the day should be about the sentiment. And while Thank Yous are lovely, especially when they come with a delicious High Tea, I think we should shift our focus to I’m Sorry instead.

Yep, some kids have more to be sorry for than others. Picture: Kids are the worst.

Now that we’re adults, whether we’re parents or not, we can see, with the maturity that comes with knowing how tough life is in general, that having to raise a totally narcissistic, irrational and frequently disgusting grot of a creature into a functional responsible contributing human being is hard, sometimes painful. And that we, as the aforementioned offspring, didn’t make it any easier for our poor Ma.

So with that in mind, let’s remember the moments when we were particularly difficult, or disrespectful, or outrageously rude, or mean, or nasty, or inconsiderate, or lazy, or just plain hateful, and our mothers kept on loving us regardless.

He’ll regret this photo when he’s older. Picture: Kids are the worst.

You can write your own I’m Sorry list, obvs, but I’ll start.

Mum, I’m sorry that when you told me to get my hair cut as “something nice and neat” on the morning of my sister’s wedding I came back with a crew cut. I knew that wasn’t what you meant.

I’m sorry for repeatedly waking you up late at night with my stupidly loud singing, as I was trying to learn the words to Like A Prayer.

I’m sorry for walking dog poo through the house.

I’m sorry for allowing you to think that a strange man was breaking into my bedroom window for two whole weeks, until I fessed up that it was actually my boyfriend visiting me in the night.

I’m sorry I had a party without asking while you were overseas, and I’m sorry that I lied and told you the hole in the couch, which was really a cigarette burn, was from our cat Scungy. Actually, I’m sorry to Scungy too.

They say motherhood is a thankless task, and that shouldn’t be the case. The Thank Yous should be as free flowing as the But Whys and the It’s Not Fairs. But for a really great Mother’s Day, throw in a few I’m Sorrys with your Cadbury Roses. Maybe even a You Were Right, I Was Wrong. Mum’ll be so thrilled, you’ll never have to do the dishes again.

What are you sorry for? Purge your guilt in the comments below.