Life lessons: Things I’ve learnt about living along the way

WE’VE all stuffed up in our lives, but the best part about growing up? Knowing not to look back. Here are a few things Melissa Hoyer has learnt along the way.

Breathe in and out. By mindful Learn. Listen. Love.

LISTS of what to do; what not to do; how to live; how not to live. They’re everywhere.

We’ve all stuffed up somewhere in our lives, but the best part about growing up? Knowing not to look back.

Here are a few things I’ve learnt along the way ...

• Love has to be fitted into your life: we can’t live on self-love alone so whether it’s your family, friends, partner or kids. Find time for all of them.

• There is never a ‘right’ time to ‘plan’ for a baby so don’t put it off just because ‘you got that promotion’ or ‘I want to travel’. Let nature take its course and everything, even having a baby, will fit in around it. Promise.

• Have an opinion. It may polarise people but sure beats sitting on the fence. And don’t think you NEED to agree with everyone as there is nothing better than a measured and well-researched opinion.

• Talking of ‘stuff’, try, try, try to get rid of all of that ‘stuff’ that is hemming you in. A cull of your bits at home can be a slow process but it will be well worth it. My cull, by the way, is still an ongoing process.

• Be open to reinventing your work life. It gives you a whole new purpose and makes you remain relevant.

• Continue to learn, listen and be inquisitive about new things. I love my younger colleagues: they teach me and I (hopefully) teach them a little thing here and there.

Breathe in and out. By mindful Learn. Listen. Love.

• Live now. Mindfulness is a tool I’m using more and more by not planning too far ahead. Sure, we’re all bombarded with devices, social media platforms, life’s commitments and a constant thud of technology but try to live in this very moment.

• Your job doesn’t define you as a person. Sure, being successful in a chosen field gives you confidence, stability and money to live. But once you step out of that role, it’s your real friends and family who will always be there.

• Walk around in the person’s shoes before you judge. To Kill A Mockingbird’s Atticus Finch nailed in when he said to his daughter, Scout, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view ... Until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.’’ We’ve all been guilty of ‘having a go’ without thinking of the consequences, and as I get older I am so much more aware of those consequences.

• Learn to say no. You can’t be everything to everyone.

• Hate: what an absolute waste of time and emotion. We all see what jealousy, bitterness and resentment does to people and it ain’t pretty. Be happy for the success of others.

• Ask (nicely) for help, support or whatever: how many times do we assume people know what we need but we never vocalise it.

• Family. Love ‘em! Even if you don’t see them as much as you would like, who is it I always call when times are tough? My unwavering mum.

Sometimes life is like a big, well, potato/turd, but then bad stuff will pass ...

• A husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, mum, dad, or whoever — is not your financial plan. Create your own destiny: being hungry makes you try that bit harder.

• Use the past (complete with its mistakes and misadventures) to change the stuff you do in your future. I always try to look on what I’ve done — good and bad — as a way to do things better next time.

• There is no need to conform to what is ‘in fashion’: wear what you feel good in even if the colour, the length or the cut isn’t quite ‘now’. Honestly, in the long run, no-one really cares.

• Surround yourself with people you really like ... OK, it’s a cliche, but life really is too short to have people in your life who mock you, try to bring you down, bitch or bully you.

• Oh, and try, try, try to clear your bills each month ... for risk of personal debt accumulating and accumulating. I’ve been there; we’ve all been there. Don’t let money — or the lack of it — be the root of any happiness. Try to take lessons in being frugal.

• Try to save a deposit for a little piece of real estate. When you finally reach retirement age you’ll have a small slice of security. And try to chuck a few bucks away in superannuation: even 10 bucks a week will do.

• Remember to breathe. Deep and hard. Smell the roses. And relax.

Follow Melissa on Instagram and Twitter @melisshoyer