Wife reveals devastation after husband took his own life

The last six months have been a blur for a woman who lost her husband, but the pain has left her determined to help others.

A woman who went through her darkest days following her husband’s suicide is begging men to open up and get mental health support.

Tammy Rawson’s husband Matthew was a quiet gentleman, rarely talking about what was going through his head.

“He was a really genuine friend. If you had him as a friend, if you were lucky enough, he would always help anyone out,” Tammy told news.com.au.

“But one of his biggest flaws was that he never asked for help himself.”

Matthew took his own life last year, leaving Tammy and their children behind. His death has thrown the family as they have struggled to process why it happened.

Tammy is sharing their family’s story alongside of Movember for World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10, trying to encourage those who may be struggling with their mental health to come forward and seek help.

Tammy lost her husband Matthew to suicide. Picture: Supplied

She said there was absolutely no sign before Matthew made the decision to take his life and he “never complained, never spoke about his emotions”. Even with his physical health, it was a mission to get him to go to the doctor.

“He never said a word before he acted, he was his typical self,” Tammy said.

She explained there had been issues with the farm losing money, as well as issues in the relationship, but nothing that changed his character – adding throughout their time together she’d only seen him cry once.

And while there had been some down times, there was also joy in the couple’s life. Matthew’s daughter from a previous marriage was about to turn 18, and Matthew and Tammy’s son was in his final years of high school. Tammy’s daughter had just had a baby, with Matthew named the godfather. The day before Matthew took his life, the little baby had taken their first steps in front of him.

Tammy did her best to encourage him to share his emotions, sharing her own feelings with him in a bid to get him to open up.

“It’s great to talk in hindsight now, but if he was able to tell me or someone else and talk about it more, maybe that would have prevented him from making that choice,” she said.

She said there were no signs before his decision. Picture: Supplied

Tammy said Matthew’s decision made no sense, and the family has struggled since. Tammy said she doesn’t even remember the first six months, with the kids trying to be resilient as they could see how much she was hurting.

She has even been in inpatient facilities to try and make sense of the pain so she can best support those who have been left behind by her husband’s decision.

“It’s a long, long path. And not a very pleasant one. But if you don’t talk about it, and don’t get help, like we all are, then we could end up the same way,” she said. “And that’s not an option.”

Tammy said she is terrified because she sees the same stoic nature in her son, while the women of the household are always more vocal with their feelings.

She said she doesn’t know a single man personally who shares what he is going through their head.

“It really scares me because men are just as susceptible to having these emotional feelings and the suffering as women are,” she said.

“But they just don’t talk about it – not to each other and not to their partners, not to their kids. They just don’t say anything and it’s just such a huge thing that I’d like to break.”

The family have been left reeling in the aftermath. Picture: Supplied

When she was in one of the women’s facilities, she looked around and wished there was some place just like it for men, but realised that men needed to want to go and get help in order for it to work.

“It’s no different to having an addiction or being an alcoholic or anything like that,” she said.

“The first step is acknowledgment and acknowledging that okay, there’s something wrong and it needs to be fixed.

“So you do research to try and work out what you can do. But we all know that men don’t really do that. It’s hard enough to get them to go to the doctor.”

Tammy said she is sharing her and her family’s story because she doesn’t want anyone to go through what they were going through – adding that supporting someone through a down time was so much better than picking up the pieces after a suicide.

Her only hope for her family is that one day they can bring up Matthew without bursting into tears, that the memory of the good times would shine through rather than the question of why.

Not sure how to start the conversation or provide support? Consider learning more with free online resources like A.L.E.C. (Ask, Listen, Encourage Action, Check In) and What is Therapy. These tools can equip you with the knowledge and skills to approach mental health conversations with empathy and understanding.