How to navigate your way through an awkward moment

WHETHER it's a confrontation with someone at work or a friend who needs a bit of a truth session, awkward moments can be hard to handle. Here's how to ace them.

Learn how to overcome awkwardness at work, and don't stress about it. Picture: Thinkstock

AWKWARD moments. They happen to the best of us. Whether it's a confrontation with someone at work or a friend who needs a bit of a truth session, they can be hard to navigate.

But the good news is, awkward moments even happen to professionals - as psychologist, author and Forbes columnist Margie Warrell knows.

"I've had many awkward moments," she assures news.com.au. "I've had to give difficult feedback to people on a few occasions about their communication style or lack of professionalism. It's never easy but I firmly believe it's really important people have an opportunity to work on themselves and by not providing feedback we deprive them of that."

Warrell believes awkward moments stem from people wanting to avoid confrontation, or not make a fuss about something.

"While it might make sense intellectually to speak up and address difficult or sensitive issues, the reason we don't do it is the same reason we don't do all sorts of things that make sense - it's hard, emotionally uncomfortable and risky," she says.

"Conversations about sensitive issues make us vulnerable in some way - whether to criticism or rejection or having to deal with somebody else's raw emotions if they don't like hearing what it is we want to say. Needless to say, awkward moments come in many forms."

PDA roommates. That's awkward. Picture: Thinkstock

If you're a woman, you can expect to encounter more than your fair share of awkward moments.

"While women are great at building and fostering connections, they are loathe to disrupt them. We are also more reticent to promote ourselves than many men. We are naturally very empathetic and so we hate to hurt someone's feelings if we can avoid it," Warrell says.

"But as I've said to many of the women executives I've coached over the years, as uncomfortable as it can be to speak up, the price you will pay for not doing so far exceeds any discomfort."

The most important conversations in life are also the most difficult, according to Warrell, and we need to start tackling them head on by having something she deems as 'courageous conversations'.

"Courageous conversations are about sharing what we think and feel in ways that open up the possibility to better outcomes in our jobs and relationships and lives," she explains.

"They put us at risk, can feel uncomfortable and are often not easy. But too often we choose the certainty of issues going unaddressed and situations only getting worse rather than risk the possibility of an awkward conversation. I truly believe that if there's something we genuinely need to say, chances are someone genuinely needs to hear it. That doesn't mean we aren't kind in how we say it; but it does mean we are courageous in what we say."

Learn how to overcome awkwardness at work, and don't stress about it. Picture: Thinkstock

Seven tips for navigating awkward moments:

1. Start with heart
Before you enter into a conversation ask yourself the highest intention you are hoping to serve. Words which come from the heart (even if not expressed as articulately as you'd like) land on the heart.

2. Set the tone
Be intentional about setting the emotional tone for the conversation from the outset. Positive but honest; candid but caring. If they start to get upset, don't react. Be the change you'd like to see in them.

3. Step into their story
If you are talking about a sensitive issue where opinions may differ, take time upfront to understand where the other person is coming from; what's their story and what path have they walked that has them see things as they do? When someone feels you have genuinely tried to understand their perspective, it makes them much more receptive to hearing yours. Listen beyond what's being said, to the story they have about the situation, acknowledging their emotions as legitimate and treating them with dignity every step of the way.

4. Facts first
When you present your opinion as the truth you are guaranteed to get others off-side. So separate out the facts of a situation from your opinion of those facts. Be sure to have some recent and relevant examples or facts to support your stance.

5. Avoid stone throwing
Engaging in a difficult situation isn't about 'winning'. So don't get dragged into a slinging match about what woulda-shoulda-coulda happened. Things are as they are. Perhaps mistakes have been made (and not just by them.) Thinking back to your highest intention, if you are about making another person wrong, then you will never get an optimal outcome.

6. Look to the horizon
Focus on the future you want to work toward. What would be an ideal outcome given where things are today. Enlist their support in working with you to arrive at a better place in the future.

7. Clarify commitments
As the conversation draws to a close, be sure to clarify the commitments you are both making to address the issues at hand. Exactly what will be done differently, by whom, on what timeline? If you haven't reached an agreement then at least agree to stay in the conversation and ask them if there is anything you can do to help make that easier for them. While no one conversation is guaranteed to change the course of your relationship, career or life, any single conversation can. They are that powerful! So no matter how averse to confrontation, cowardly, timid or tight-lipped you have been in the past, lay your vulnerability on the line and engage more courageously in conversation with those around you. As awkward as it may feel, the benefits will far outweigh the temporary discomfort.

You can learn more about tackling awkward moments and living boldly in Margie Warrell's new book, Stop Playing Safe, or check out her website at margiewarrell.com.