Clinician psychologists and The Anger Fallacy authors Steven Laurent and Ross Menzies reveal our worst emotion

WHEN you’re stuck in traffic or flipping out over someone pushing in front of you at the coffee shop, you realise there’s a little bit of Gordon Ramsay in you. But getting angry won’t necessarily work.

Ask yourself, what good does it really do letting loose like Gordon Ramsay?

WHEN you’re stuck in traffic or losing it over someone pushing in front of you at the coffee shop, you realise there’s a little bit of angry Gordon Ramsay in all of us.

But far from being healthy and achieving results, getting angry just shows how egocentric we really are.

That’s the view of two leading clinician psychologists who argue that anger is understandable but it’s never helpful and often fails to produce the result we desire.

In their recently released book, The Anger Fallacy, Steven Laurent and Ross Menzies say anger is destructive and toxic — even when we think it’s justified — and far from constructive.

And, more often than not, anger is an “impotent” emotion, associate professor Menzies argues, because it never gets us anywhere, even if we think we feel better for venting.

In the book, the authors argue against the popular notion that anger is healthy and instead claim angry people are egocentric, self righteous and often lack empathy.

Asst prof Menzies said that getting angry, especially over things we can’t help such as sitting in traffic, simply interfered with our ability to solve problems and think clearly.

“Anger is often out of proportion to the event that’s actually occurred,” he said. “It is an incredibly selfish emotion because we get angry when what we want is interfered with by others.”

He said this could include being cut off by a motorist on the road, or even getting annoyed when someone walks slowly in front of you.

Asst prof Menzies said when people were angry about being stuck in traffic they often failed to realise that there were hundreds of other people stuck as well, not just them.

But is it ever OK to be angry?

“It’s understandable, we are only human but is it useful? Probably not,” Asst prof Menzies said. “Anger will not lead to change, in fact it interferes with change.”

He argues that someone like Gordon Ramsay may think he’s achieving results through anger when really yelling and swearing only results in resentment.

Getting angry at a partner, child or family member for doing something wrong or failing to do as you asked will also produce the same result.

“You have to ask yourself if being angry over something like putting a cup away is worth the resentment,” he said.

“Anger is a hidden destroyer and while you may feel better for yelling it’s not a good way to influence people and is an unattractive emotion.”

Both experts argue the first thing people need to realise is that anger is complex, excessive and doesn’t make you look good.

“Take Roger Federer,” Asst prof Menzies said. “He once claimed he saw himself get angry on the court on film and didn’t like what he saw. Now you’ll find he’s one of the calmest players around.”

Mr Laurent said the notion that anger was constructive was “bollocks”.

“A lot of people insist that anger gets them results,” Mr Laurent said. “Parents use it, politicians, teachers, lawyers, coaches and even celebrity chefs, but by scouring 20 years of research and evidence we find that anger is rarely useful despite what you think.

“Anger produces nonproductive and even destructive consequences.”

Roger Federer used to be angry, until he saw himself acting that way on film. Picture: AP

So if you get angry like Mr Ramsay, and get fired up over any of these, it might be time to make some changes.

1. Road rage

Losing it in gridlock traffic or being cut off. Getting angry won’t change the fact it’s happened and won’t change the fact you’re stuck.

2. Slow walkers/runners

You can’t blame someone else just because you’re impatient and in a hurry.

3. Losing your spot in the coffee queue

You might have to wait an extra couple of minutes for your coffee because someone has pushed in but being angry will just put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

4. Blaming others for things that can’t be helped

Yelling at a hotel worker/check in assistant because your room isn’t ready/flight is delayed.

Not only does it upset someone who can’t do anything about it but it can make you look really bad. Record yourself in future and you’ll see.

5. Seeing red over a smashed plate/glass/iPad

While it’s easy to see how the breakage of a favourite item can be costly and upsetting, there’s nothing that can be done to change it once it’s happened. It’s OK to be sad but yelling at someone else isn’t going to put it back together again.

Losing your temper at the person behind the counter probably won’t get you far. Picture: ThinkStock