Seven things you’ve been doing wrong your entire life

YOU may think you’ve got life figured out, but chances are you’re doing these simple things totally the wrong way. Prepare for your life to be changed.

fresh bananas

THINK you’ve mastered the art of being a grown-up? Think again. If you’ve never read an instruction manual or refuse to follow a recipe, then read on. Here are seven things you or someone you know has more than likely been doing wrong their entire life.

1. Using bobby pins back to front
An ex-boyfriend of mine was always completely exasperated and frustrated by my never-ending supply of bobby pins that seemed to crop up in his apartment, all the time, even months after we had broken up. He claimed I was “marking my territory”. In fact, they just kept falling out of my hair because I was using them the wrong way round. Did you know the wavy bit is meant to go against your scalp and the flat part on the outside? And it makes sense — the curvy part grips to your hair much, much better!

The crinkly part actually goes on the inside against your scalp. MIND. BLOWN.

2. Using the screen button on your iPhone to take a picture

Did you know that the volume buttons on the side of your iPhone moonlight as camera buttons too? Your photos will magically improve as there will be less hand shake — don’t even get me started on the quality of your selfies! Another great trick is to tap and hold on the screen and adjust the exposure.

3. Peeling a banana

Chances are you’ve spent your entire life peeling them from the top. Well in actual fact it is much easier if you pinch it from the bottom. If you’ve ever seen a monkey eat a banana this is how they do it. Much more economical.

Dave Taylor, I don’t know why we have a picture of you seductively posing with a banana in our archives, but one thing’s clear: You peeled it wrong! Picture: Peter Wallis

This guy knows how it’s done.

4. Cooking eggs

There are a few tricks to the art of the perfectly rounded fried egg. Add a splash of white vinegar and then slice a raw onion ring and use it as a round egg template. For poached eggs, the trick is to crack the egg into a glass then swirl the simmering water around in the saucepan in a circular motion with a spoon before plopping in your egg. Cooking scrambled eggs? Keep them off high heat so they come out round and fluffy.

5. Folding a fitted sheet

One of life’s greatest mysteries, according to my friend Jan. Even my diligent daily bed-making grandmother doesn’t know how to do this one. Once they’re out of the packet it’s every man, woman and child for themselves. That fitted sheet will always be the black sheep of the folded flat sheets in your manchester cupboard. I’m still yet to master the art, but this guy knows how to do it:

6. Singing the wrong lyrics to famous songs

Yes, we’ve all done it. I spent my childhood years belting out the chorus to Sparks Will Fly by The Rolling Stones, as “four-wheel drive”. However, others are much more amusing. “It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not” (Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer) and “Let’s pee in the corner, let’s pee in the spotlight” (REM, Losing My Religion). Catch a friend out next time you’re at karaoke.

7. Spelling “their” as “there”, “they’re” as “there” and “you’re” as “your”

If you haven’t yet mastered the difference, it’s time you learned. We all have our moments, but there is really no excuse for lazy spelling. If you still have trouble, consider downloading a free tool like Grammarly. It’s technically cheating, but no one will know.