Ridiculous things gym instructors say

IT’S bad enough when your PT shouts ‘Tight thighs, big smiles, white jeans’, but you know it’s all over when they yell about wine. Here are the most ridiculous things gym instructors say.

Women Taking Part In Gym Fitness Class

EVERY now and then, usually as we’re coming to the end of a cardio set, my gym instructor loves to yell “THINK OF THE WINE!”

Whether she’s referring to the wine we’re going to drink after the class or the wine consumed over the weekend no-one knows, but it’s just one random phrase of many that gym instructors love to doll out. I mean, who else, really, can get away with shouting “If you don’t squeeze your bum, no one else will”?

Here are some of the most random things we at news.com.au have heard various gym instructors/personal trainers/yoga teachers say. Have a read and a giggle, and add your own in the comments below.

‘If you don’t squeeze your bum, no one else will!’

- “Okay, yogis. Time to work off all of those Easter eggs with some core, followed by opening our hearts.”

- “When I’d just signed up at my gym, I asked one of the trainers whether it would be better for me to do free weights or use the machines. He said — ‘Work out like a machine, not on a machine.’ Douche.”

- “My yoga teacher told me to listen to my body and my nervous system, but not with my ears ... I couldn’t hear it.”

- “Tight thighs, big smiles, white jeans!”

‘Work out like a machine, not on a machine’

- “A trainer at the gym a few years back who was helping me lose my marriage fat during my divorce said ‘Come on, three more. I want to be able to tell people on the street that I made you hot and skinny again. Then you can hook in a second husband.’”

- “Now, in your super relaxed state, bring your attention to your third eye. Just be there. Be nowhere else.”

- “Fold over and just let your head hang, and let your brains spill out of your head.”

- “In a yoga class, the instructor had us turn to the person next to us and say, ‘The divine in me salutes the divine in you’. What does that even mean?!”

Now turn to the person next to you and say ...

- “Look deep into your own beautiful eyes.”

- “During a spin class feeling like my legs were about to fall off, the instructor said ‘Girls, think of your amazing bikini body on the beach. Imagine those abs and that cute boy coming over to talk to you. Push! Push! That’s it ladies!’ I have to admit, it worked.”

- “Ground your feet to the mat, now to the floor, now to the earth beneath you. Feel the earth’s energy radiating up through you.”

- “Not so much said, but as we finished and got to the relaxing part the instructor, a young white man, pulled out a didgeridoo and started playing for 15 minutes.”

Share your own experiences in the comments below