Exclusive: The man from Western Sydney

OPINION: The Daily Telegraph's Joe Hildebrand's cheeky take on our politicians heading to Western Sydney...

snowyriver

There was movement at the station for the word had passed around. That the polls from Sydney's west had got away.

They had flatlined for a while but now they'd started heading down
The last time that it happened they just gave K.Rudd the flick
But even that trick didn't seem to work.

Mark Arbib had made his pile when Packer offered coin
To spruik his gambling interests on the Yarra.
He'd finally had enough of kicking Labor in the groin
And having to go further west than Parra.

So Shorten of the Overflow came up to lend a hand
No better hardman ever held the reins.
His political ability was known throughout the land
For turning Liberal losses into gains.

And one was there, a weedy bloke just draped over a stool
Not saying much and sitting very still.
The men in suits ignored him and presumed he was a fool
As they gathered round the bar at Rooty Hill.

You could hear the pokies ringing like alarm bells in the lounge
While outside the crawling traffic groaned in pain.
In fact the room was filled with almost every urban sound
Bar the rumble of an air-conditioned train.

But still the skinny fella on the barstool didn't speak,
Just sat there with a schooner in his hand,
While the strategists around him plotted out their busy week
Of trying to embrace the common man.

They pulled their hair and ground their teeth and wondered what to do
And tore internal polling graphs apart.
The weedy bloke, amid all this, had ducked off to the loo
And that's when one suit now spoke from the heart:

"He hails from western Sydney, that's the place we've got to win.
"Perhaps we should just ask him what he thinks?"
The group fell quickly silent as they let the thought sink in,
Then cheered and bought another round of drinks.

When the skinny guy was finished with his eventide ablutions
He mistakenly had thought he was relieved
But his peace was quickly shattered as they begged him for solutions
To the giant pile of waste they had achieved.

They asked him this, they asked him that, and finally he paused
And cleared his throat with one of those small coughs.
"To be honest, if you ask me, with the trouble that you've caused,
"My advice would be to simply bugger off."

Catch more from Joe on his blog.