Succession season 3, episode 7 recap: Kendall implodes at his birthday party

It’s shaping up to be an epic night for Kendall’s birthday on the latest episode of Succession, but things quickly take a very ugly turn.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SUCCESSION SEASON 3, EPISODE 7 ‘TOO MUCH BIRTHDAY’

Up until this point in season 3 there’s been a lot of ‘work hard’ at Waystar Royco, but now it’s time to ‘play hard’ for Kendall’s birthday.

There’s nothing I love more than a Succession celebration. They’re a marvellous spectacle of exorbitant wealth and ugly family catfights.

In true Kendall fashion, he’s preparing to perform at his million-dollar party extravaganza. The episode opens on him rehearsing Billy Joel’s Honesty, where he ultimately plans to pin himself to a cross and jetpack out of the room. You know, super normal things we do as party hosts.

It’s good timing for Ken to let his hair down after receiving news there wasn’t enough incriminating evidence in the Cruise Division papers for the Department of Justice to come down on his father, Logan.

It’s official. No one is going to jail. And no one is more pleased than Tom Wambsgans, who had earlier offered himself up as the sacrificial lamb.

Naturally, Tom can’t celebrate true to bizarre form in front of the judgy Roy family, so he tells everyone he’s going to the “little boys’ room” before jumping on Cousin Greg in his dodgy office and pouncing around the room like a gorilla.

Greg is terrified of gorilla Tom.

With that out of the way, everyone is free to celebrate “Ken fest”, as Shiv calls it. But Roman and Shiv aren’t going to celebrate their rogue brother. No, they’re going to strike a deal with tech founder Lukas Mattson (Alexander Skarsgard).

Logan – who boycotts the party but sends a card (more on that later) – wants to buy Mattson’s billion-dollar streaming company, GoJo, but the uber nonchalant genius has been playing hard to get.

As guests arrive at Kendall’s birthday, they are forced to walk through a giant pink hallway which we soon learn is supposed to be a uterus. Kendall’s mother’s uterus, to be specific.

Upon exiting the uterus, Roman and Shiv are greeted by a nurse surrounded by bottles of champagne in baby carriers. “Congratulations, you’ve just been born into the world of Kendall Roy.”

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That’s one way to greet your guests.

Kendall takes Roman, Shiv and Connor into a room littered with mock scandalous front pages of his siblings. Connor is president! Of sh*tting himself. Shiv gets arrested! And Roman dies!

Everyone thinks it’s hilarious apart from Connor, who is genuine about his race for the White House with his 1 per cent vote.

Kendall then opens his card from Logan. Now, this is Succession. So there’s probably a little more than $20 and an iTunes gift card.

It’s $2 billion. Yup. Well that is, if Kendall agrees to the share purchase proposal inside the card.

Naturally, he’s p*ssed Logan wants to buy him out of the company he wants to run, so when he finds out Roman and Shiv are only in attendance to cut a deal with Mattson, he bans them from the “treehouse” room where he’s holed up.

A defeated Shiv heads out to the dancefloor to cut some moves I’ve honestly never seen before in my life (Sarah Snook, bravo), while Roman – desperate for his dad’s approval – sneaks into the cordoned off area to woo Mattson.

He’s successful, despite a rocky start.

“When will your father die?” Mattson asks Roman. “I don’t wanna be rude but what kind of shape is he in? I don’t like the idea of a man hanging over me. It’s not my world, so his death would clear space, with due respect.”

Roman tells Mattson he won’t have to deal with Logan at all if Waystar buys GoJo, instead, Roman will be his point of contact.

It’s a slam dunk for Roman as Mattson agrees to a meeting with Logan. A huge coup given his previous disinterest.

Drunk on the nectar of his dad’s pending approval, Roman rubs it in the faces of both Shiv and Kendall.

Kendall is not having a good night. Upon getting the proposal from his dad and figuring out his siblings weren’t there out of love (shocker), he begins to unravel.

This turns into a full blown meltdown when he is unable to find the present his children made for him. Kendall, despite majorly betraying and attempting to overthrow his dad, is really just a big teddy bear disguised in Gucci loafers. He needs love from his family, and he’s gotten anything but that tonight.

Kendall is having a crisis of confidence.

Overwhelmed with emotion, he cancels his elaborate performance and wants to bail on his own party, which is exactly when he stumbles upon Roman, who is at the height of his glee.

Now I mentioned before how much I enjoy watching a family drama, but this one is different.

Roman is antagonising a clearly unstable Kendall, “Hit me! Go on, hit me!” Shockingly, Kendall ignores his annoying little brother, when Roman goes below the belt and pushes him to the floor from behind.

It was always going to happen at a Roy family function.

The music is melancholy. Kendall stumbles home as he cuddles up to his girlfriend Naomi in tears. We don’t feel good about this ugly display. In fact, we actually … feel sorry … for Kendall? Damn you Succession writers! How do you do this?

Kendall’s come too far to cower. We already saw him do it at the end of season 1 and throughout season 2. But with only two episodes to go, we can’t quite see what card he has to play next.

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