Royal Christmas would be better than an episode of Succession
Meghan and Harry won’t be going “home” for Christmas but wouldn’t it be entertaining if they did, Kerry Parnell writes.
Opinion
Don't miss out on the headlines from Opinion. Followed categories will be added to My News.
Harry and Meghan won’t be spending Christmas at the palace, it was revealed this week. In other shock news, the sky is blue, pigs can’t fly and too much trifle will make you queasy.
I’m sure the Queen is absolutely devastated there will be a couple of spaces missing at the Christmas table this year, and two less people to join in their legendary japes, like weighing oneself before and after one’s dinner.
If the movie Spencer is to be believed, that tipped the scales for poor Princess Diana. To be fair, it is really weird. Nobody wants to feel like a pudding at Christmas.
They’ll also save themselves some cash (and the planet), by not having to buy the comedy presents the Windsors like to gift each other on Christmas Eve (what do you buy someone who literally has everything? Answer: tat).
Catherine reportedly once gave the then-single Harry a Grow Your Own Girlfriend kit and Meghan gave the Queen a singing hamster on a string.
Sadly, nobody’s laughing now and I think we can safely say the Sussexes will find themselves mysteriously busy/unable to travel/tied up with work commitments for the next 64 Decembers,
rather than playing charades, having three too many Dubonnet and gins and shouting at each other over who said what on Oprah and Apple TV and Ellen and unnamed Netflix doco.
Mind you, Meghan did go all out on Thursday on Ellen to show she’s the Duchess of Fun, including a “hilarious” prank where the chat-show host, who is also a neighbour, instructed Meghan to eat hot sauce, call herself Mommy and wear cat ears, in front of an “unsuspecting” food vendor.
She also said she’s cooking Thanksgiving dinner this week, so I’m thinking maybe next Christmas she and Harry can have the in-laws to Montecito. There’s a lot to catch up on.
Can you imagine the tension? Still, there isn’t a clan in the world that doesn’t enjoy a good old festive biffo when all its family members are cooped up in an overheated room.
Admittedly, the royal family has a lot of ground to cover – you know, topics like forgotten emails, racial insults, withheld tiaras and titles and that old chestnut roasting on an open fire, money. Dinner round their mansion/palace/castle/country estate would be more gripping than an episode of Succession.
All the classic family Christmas characters are there – the dodgy uncle, rude aunt, competitive offspring, little princes and princesses, because, well, they are, and the granny who insists they all shush and sit down for the Queen’s speech, not because she wants to hear it, but because she’s making it.
The question, “So, what have you been up to lately?” would never be so loaded.
Generally, nobody actually gives a toss about the answer to this conversation-starter, they just want to get it over with as fast as possible, before delivering a TED talk about themselves, which may or may not last the rest of the day and night, depending on wine stocks.
Still, the good thing about Christmas family feuds, is that by the time the hangover has subsided on Boxing Day, “some recollections may vary”.
More Coverage
US election’s dumbest economic idea a risk for Australia
Kevin Rudd blasted the US for throwing its allies under a bus on the economy. But Tom Minear argues Kamala Harris and Donald Trump are doing it anyway.
We owe, we owe, so off to opposition Jim must go
Treasurer Jim Chalmers, using clever spin to mask his failures, is all about his political reputation at the cost of your family’s financial survival, writes Peta Credlin.