James Weir recaps The Bachelorette 2018 episode 11

One Bachelorette finalist was in the lead to win. But a lie about a past hook-up has come back to destroy him.

One Bachelorette finalist has tried to use a loophole to disguise a sex lie in the penultimate episode of the series and the revelation has seen him swiftly ejected.

There are two things we don’t tolerate on The Bachelorette: wet-look hair gel, and liars.

We’ve always known this contestant uses Ross Geller-style hair gel and we’ve never liked it, but he told Ali all the right words so he stayed. Now after his lie comes to the surface during a dramatic grilling on Wednesday night, he’s walked.

A semi-final calls for better dates than what we’re given. Todd’s is so boring we’re not even going to explore it, so we’ll skip ahead to Taite’s date.

“I’m literally peeing myself,” Ali tells us while cruising along the highway in a hired Porsche. Immediately, a rep from the Porsche dealership texts Network Ten: “keep it”.

Ali literally peeing herself.

Meanwhile, it looks like Taite is literally wearing five shirts at once.

But why?

Their final date is completely normal. They stroll through the woods in the middle of the night while wearing bathrobes before submerging their bodies in a lukewarm jacuzzi.

It provides the perfect opportunity for us to see them at unflattering angles.

Cute shot.

Ali’s confused. She likes Taite and she has put her feelings on the table, but he refuses to reciprocate.

So she decides to push him again by spewing all her emotions out. It’s finally his chance to tell her he’s falling for her. Instead, his silent face just bobs in the water.

“ …”

“You make me so happy,” is all he can manage. He thinks he’s falling in love with her, but he refuses to say the words when there’s still a chance she’ll ditch him for one of the other bozos in this competition. Like, we get it, but also, this is The Bachelorette and the rules about competing for a girl against several other guys aren’t new.

It’s not enough for Ali. She wants to hear more.

“If he can’t tell me exactly how he feels, I don’t see where we can go from here,” she tells us.

While they’re having this conversation, each of them refuses to sit up properly, so the water cuts them off at the neck and they look like those talking chins from the World’s Greatest Shave ads.

“I could definitely … see myself with … you?” Taite says, unsure.

They both look down into the still jacuzzi water. We’re not sure why the water jets weren’t turned on. It’s kinda the whole point of being in a jacuzzi. Silence falls. And all we’re left with is two World’s Greatest Shave chins bobbing in the water.

But looking like a chin and not getting a clear answer from Taite are the least of Ali’s worries. She’s more frustrated with Bill.

Bill’s crappy hometown visit in Melbourne last week has been playing on her mind. He didn’t let her meet any family members and, instead, made her have dinner with some chick from the dog park he hooked up with.

“To meet someone that he’s been with. It’s like a kick in the guts,” she seethes to us. She’s furious because Bill never told her he hooked up with the chick. Ali had to pry the information out of the girl over wine and cheese behind Bill’s back.

She wants to use this final date to confront Bill. But he throws her off.

“I’m well and truly falling in love with you. The more time and days we spend together it just gets deeper and deeper,” he reveals.

This is what Ali wants. It’s what she wishes Taite would say. From Bill, though, it’s not enough. She’s still furious about the dog park lady.

She finally snaps.

“I got drilled by Amy with the questions,” she says — Amy is the dog park girl FYI. “I felt really attacked, actually. I just asked her: Have you dated Bill before?”

Bill interrupts: “We’ve never dated, no.”

Ali’s so irritated by the denial she begins to chew her own face off.

Nom.

“Well she says you did date,” Ali says.

“We’ve never dated. I’ve … been with her,” Bill says, thinking he’s found a loophole — a technicality that means he didn’t have to tell Ali about his past with Amy.

This only annoys Ali more.

“I’m really disappointed because he knows what I was asking. Yes, dating and seeing someone are two different things. But they’re both intimate,” she fumes to us. “And he’s not stupid.”

Both of them keep repeating the phrase “been with” because they’re too embarrassed to say the word sex. Bill refuses to admit he lied about his past with Amy.

Sex, lies and wet-look hair gel.

“Now I’m very aware of how he’ll answer me in the future. And that is, he’ll sugar coat things or white lie about things to make it easier. And that’s not OK with me.”

It’s clear Ali has made her mind up. She doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life wondering if she’s being lied to — always on the lookout for dog park randoms. She’d rather look like a chin.

At the rose ceremony, Osher comes in and tells us all “the decision Ali’s about to make is incredibly difficult” and obviously he hasn’t been paying attention because Bill is totally gone.

Sure, he has told Ali everything she wants to hear. But he also lied. And there are two things we don’t tolerate on The Bachelorette: wet-look hair gel and liars.

Unfortunately for Bill, he exhibits both of these qualities. He’s promptly shown the door.

The Uber pulls away and begins the journey to a place Bill feels most comfortable: the dog park.

For more observations on wet-look hair gel and looking like a chin, follow me on Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir