SJ offers to lend out her knickers as she scrambles to stay in the game

One housemate made an extraordinary offer to try and stay in the competition, while another’s attempt at winning the group over fails.

Big Brother recap episode 8. Picture: Channel 7

The housemates have resorted to wildly unconventional methods to secure their place in the mansion – SJ by offering up her knickers, and Danny by loudly banging pots and pans with a rolling pin.

It’s like the worst “would you rather” game in history. Frankly, I’d rather wear a 65-year-old influencer’s undies than endure Danny in a “good mood”, which evidently entails bashing cookware together like a giant man-toddler.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

It’s Big Red Button week in the house, which is essentially what it says on the tin.

You get the idea.

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The housemates have to battle it out to push the button when it glows and lets out an eerie tune, either resulting in a prize or punishment. Mary vows she won’t be going anywhere near the button because she’s a Capricorn. Everybody nods knowingly as though Capricorns and big red buttons have a well-documented, fraught history. Mary nods back solemnly and no more is said on the matter.

The first prize, won by Tilly, is an ice cream truck for her and three housemates of her choice. Mary continues her streak of one-liners by proudly announcing that she’s “like a wet cat … licking ice cream”.

Nick (red moustache) responds with an uncomfortable “yeah …” and they all shift slowly away from her. Must be a Capricorn thing.

The next prize is puppies, gifting viewers with this delightful image of Sid:

My loins.

Charlotte is punished by being tossed out of bed to sleep outside, meanwhile, poor, handsome Sid is forced to listen to Danny recite chapters from his book “Real Estate and Tim Tam Slams for Dummies” (or something). It’s torture of the highest form.

Danny somehow misses that the reading was intended as a punishment and puffs his chest out before diving nose-first into the memoir.

He’s so moved by his own writing he starts to cry. He’s read a paragraph about how he earned more than $900,000 in one year and is instantly overcome with emotion.

Another anecdote about his first listing fills him with such inspiration he perks up for the first time in days. He’s reminded of how good he is at getting people to trust him and making an absurd amount of money from it, which is pretty much the entire premise of this show.

He scurries off, grinning madly, and begins banging on all the pots and pans in the house in a deranged effort to win the rest of the crew over. It’s a bizarre tactic, but he’s written a book so he must know what he’s doing.

Sid shrugs and goes back to being handsome.

My last two brain cells on a Friday afternoon

Meanwhile, devoid of any believable romantic plot line in the house, some bored producer is still trying to convince us there’s something bubbling between Mitch and Christina. Mitch’s big red button win is … a romantic steak dinner for two!

Big Brother calls the men and women into the diary room separately to offer their dating tips, and — in a moment you simply could not write — SJ offers Christina her knickers as a kindly gesture, grossly mishearing her request.

“Does anyone have any black sneakers?,” Christina asks while discussing what she’s going to wear.

“I have a pair of black knickers!” SJ responds innocently. The worst part is she seems to point down to her crotch area as though she is currently wearing the pair she is referring to.

The LENGTHS people will go to win this game never ceases to amaze me.

SJ blushes and they all laugh off the moment, but we’ll never, ever forget the time a 65-year-old influencer offered to rip off her knickers so someone else could borrow them on national television.

Ironically, Mitch’s prize ends up being a punishment for viewers who have to squirm through painfully awkward minutes of stilted conversation and loud chewing. They dine sitting on the floor in the “cave”. A first date befitting of a Hollywood script if you ask me.

Nothing says romance like rare steak and talking with your mouth open

“I walked past and they were talking about birds,” Ari says with an exaggerated eye roll. “Wow, what an exciting date conversation.”

Mitch gives the date a 9/10 while Christina very politely tells the housemates she loved the steak. Poor Mitch.

A suspiciously familiar elimination task is set. It’s starting to become clear all these challenges are the same with slightly different props. Tilly wins and nominates SJ, Mitch and Sid for the boot.

While they all have the chance to convince the others to keep them in the game, it’s pretty clear SJ’s time is up. You can’t go around offering your dirty knickers to people you met mere days ago.

But the big red button has other plans. Mitch is put in a cage and forced to hang from a crane for several hours. Why? Who knows. Nothing means anything.

It turns out to be his undoing, with SJ’s alliance successfully getting the “floaters” on side to keep her and her undies safe for another day.

Sonia greets the housemates looking like a vision in lavender before throwing a series of grenades into the group. You’ve gotta love her commitment to the chaos.

You cheeky pot-stirrer you

Tilly maintains* (*lies) that all three are “safe votes” because she “doesn’t want to start a war”. No one sees through her but SJ, who launches a fiery rant calling everyone out for being weak. A risky move that somehow works in her favour.

“I’m a jewellery dealer I know when people say ‘I like it but I’ll have to ask my husband’ it means they don’t have the balls to say they can’t afford it!” she yells at the group, steam rising from her silver plaits. Get it girl.

Mitch’s last-ditch effort to win them over involves a sappy monologue comparing everyone to birds. He gushes over “beautiful” Christina, likening her to a paradise kingfisher, which is either a compliment or a vicious attempt at negging.

It fails spectacularly, and with that, the only mullet in the house is gone.

We’ll miss you, Mitch’s mullet. Gone but not forgotten.