James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 7: Beauty queen’s rage over not being ‘hottest’
After being dealt a brutal blow, this beauty queen-turned-MAFS wife cuts sick and seeks revenge. James Weir recaps.
A Married At First Sight beauty queen trades world peace for anarchy on Tuesday night when she’s stripped of her tiara and told she’s not the hottest.
It’s a brutal blow that forces her to seek revenge by inventing an imaginary ex-boyfriend — just like Jan Brady did with George Glass.
Indeed, it’s time for the annual Hot Or Not list – an extremely highbrow and nuanced challenge where contestants are tasked with ranking each other from hot to … well … not. Play it with your colleagues in the office!
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It’s a big day for the MAFS freaks. They’re all moving into their tiny suites at Trash Towers, where they’ll reside for the next two months. But someone’s missing.
“I don’t know where Tim is,” Katie says of her husband, while unpacking her suitcase full of animal-themed necklaces.
A producer sits her down and provides some helpful info.
“So … Tim has decided to not move into the apartment,” they say. “ … And he has returned home to Melbourne.”
The guy dumped his wife and fled town in the dark of night, without a word. Katie wants to rip the nose ring right out of that P.E. teacher’s face.
“What a selfish ****,” she snips.
Tim’s decision to ghost Katie is just insulting. At the very least, he could’ve lied and said he had to fly back to Melbourne for an urgent tunnel ball emergency.
Meanwhile, across the hall, Jacqui’s using all the management skills she has learnt at corporate leadership conferences to persuade her husband Ryan that true warriors don’t wear their shoes indoors.
“I just got back from the gym and he has put his shoes on the bed,” she fumes.
Then she notices another detail that triggers a meltdown.
“I don’t want a TV in the bedroom!” she sobs. “I think electronics are really bad for humankind! Like, people are just dumbing their brains by watching TV.”
Yeah. And what about the morons ON the TV, Jacqueline?
Things are clearly tense between Jacqui and Ryan. So the producers decide to play a game that will lighten the mood: the Hot Or Not list.
“Jacqui’s hoping the photo ranking task will bring her and husband Ryan closer together,” the voiceover lady says while trying to stifle a cackle.
“I’m not here to f**k around,” Ryan says while drooling over the pictures of the other wives.
Jacqui’s quietly confident her husband will rank her at the top of the list in first place.
“I used to be a model and I was even Miss New Zealand,” she says, flicking her hair over one shoulder.
Cue her disappointment when she scrapes in as a runner-up in third place.
Back at Katie’s, the abandoned wife is still searching for answers. Producers decide to rile her up even more by providing her with her missing husband’s audition tape. Katie sits down on the couch and anxiously presses PLAY on the mystery footage.
“I want the typical happy ending,” we watch Tim telling the producers in his interview. “I don’t care if I win the lotto. It’s more about partner, kids, dog, a comfortable house. That’s all I want, really.”
And what about physical looks?
“I always say a pretty face is number one,” he says. “Because everyone’s bodies and looks change – women have kids. But a pretty face is forever. Just a natural person. I’m not Brad Pitt, so I’m not expecting Miranda Kerr.”
Everything he’s saying is the complete opposite of how he behaved in his 48-hour marriage. Finally, he tells producers that he’s willing to work at his relationship even if the attraction is not instant.
“That was f**kin’ full of lies,” Katie sobs. “That was complete and utter bullsh*t.”
We’d love to stay and comfort Katie, but we hear someone wailing down the hall. No doubt more feelings have been hurt with the Hot Or Not list.
We excitedly skip into Jacqui’s suite and find her sobbing while wearing Ryan’s blazer as a cape.
“I deserve someone great! I deserve someone who thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the worrrrlddddd!” she howls.
“I came into this experiment with a list of 50 things I wanted to do with my partner — like, buy a hundred candles and light them in the one room! And he doesn’t deserve any of that!”
How dare Ryan stop this from happening! It has always been our dream to see Trash Towers burned to the ground by a thousand cinnamon scented Glade candles!
Jacqui wants revenge. And those diligent producers are more than willing to help. They confect a new task: The Ex Files.
The mission? Tell your spouse how awesome and hot your ex is.
“My ex was six foot tall, blonde, blue eyes, godlike body,” she brags to Ryan. “And if he proposed to me, I’d say yes.”
She stops short of saying her ex is a brain surgeon and a billionaire who can also fly.
Ryan glares at his vengeful wife.
“What if I said to you my ex had a godlike body?” he spits.
Jacqui shrugs. “I’m just being honest.”
“It lacks class,” Ryan shoots back. “It’s a dumb answer. I’m not blonde, I’m not six foot. I think she’s got some growing to do when considering my feelings.”
Ryan’s annoyed. And there’s only one thing he can do: march into the bedroom and rub his dirty shoes on Jacqui’s pillow.
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
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