James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 2: Groom’s awful critique of wife caught on tape

Heartbreaking scenes on MAFS show the moment a groom delivers an awful critique of his new bride. And it doesn’t stop there. James Weir recaps.

A Married At First Sight groom’s cruel assessment of his new bride is captured on tape as he rants to a producer behind-the-scenes, expressing bizarrely high standards for a suburban P.E. teacher with a nose ring.

As if being on this show isn’t humiliating enough.

But to be publicly rejected by a guy who referees games of tunnel ball for a living? That’s next level.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps

Tuesday night’s episode introduces us to a lady named Katie. She runs a Queensland restaurant and has a yen for statement necklaces.

This elegant crocodile necklace is from the Australia Zoo jewellery line.

She’s matched with Tim. On paper, they seem perfect together. After all, he has a nose ring. And she has a gold crocodile necklace. They clearly both share a taste for the finer things in life.

This nose ring needs its own subplot. We must know the backstory of why he has it.

But Tim isn’t being entirely honest with us. On camera, he says he has an abundance of love to give. All he wants is a genuine, caring person to share his life with, he says. What he fails to mention is he’s not willing to budge on a strict criteria list of physical traits.

Katie tells us she has spent years working through self-esteem issues. This whole experience makes those concerns bubble back up to the surface. Before the ceremony, she breaks down.

“It’s not supposed to happen this way,” she sobs. “You’re supposed to find someone who loves you before you do this. Not find someone and trap them into marrying you.”

Her big trigger? Rejection.

When Katie and Tim meet at the altar, it all seems perfect.

“I’m here for the right reasons, so please don’t worry about that. I also don’t have any intentions of starting an OnlyFans account,” she declares in her vows.

The Catholic Church should amend their stock-standard vows to include this clause about OnlyFans.

Do you take this woman – in sickness and in OnlyFans?

Tim laughs and plays the part of a happy husband. But as soon as the wedding is over, he’s huffing and puffing to a producer in a nearby paddock. He doesn’t yet seem to realise that, on this show, the microphones are always hot.

“What the f**k. It’s just totally not what I wanted. Not good,” he says. “I normally go for short, petite. Blonde or brunette. Katie’s nothing (like) what I’d normally go for. Just no attraction. Nothing there. There’s just nothing there. I’m shattered. As soon as I was up there I was like ‘f**k’. It’s disappointing. I’m a bit embarrassed that I’ve come here now.”

Producers - pretending like they didn’t completely orchestrate this situation by ignoring the strict criteria Tim gave them - beg him to give Katie a chance.

“Like, I don’t want to be here. I’m just like, this is f**ked,” he says. “I just feel like I’ve wasted my time. I want to run away.”

Honestly, Timothy, join the club. We’ve been wasting our time on this show two hours a night, four days a week, three months of the year for 11 years. Ya not special, doll.

You’ll be fine. The bottomless alcohol will be served soon.

The producers march him back to Katie and force him to pose for awkward wedding pictures.

“Let’s take some beautiful photos to celebrate the day!” the cameraman cheers.

Yeah! Who wouldn’t want to remember this unique form of rejection?

Katie tries to hug her husband and he physically recoils.

You can hang this photo about your marital bed xx

Meanwhile, across town, we find our next singles to be matched.

Australia, meet Dave. He’s a really tall builder with neck tattoos and a heart of gold. But he has a secret. He’s already in a relationship. With me. In my head.

Australia, meet Dave. A total dreamboat.

He’s matched with a girl named Jamie. While she remains my arch nemesis, she quickly establishes herself as a feminist icon.

“I’m not gonna stop going to stop going to pilates because a man has come into my life - I don’t want my a** to fall to my ankles,” she declares.

This is Jamie, my arch nemesis

She prattles off her list of turn-offs. Coming in at number one?

“Men who drive hatchbacks.”

She’s thirsty for love. Absolutely parched for it.

“I want a husband who I’m just as happy to see as I am when I see coconut water,” she drools. “Like, I LOVE coconut water.”

If she doesn’t hurry up and arrive at that wedding, I’m gonna get there first and guzzle Dave like he’s a litre of H2coco on a hot summer’s day.

En route to the ceremony, Jamie gazes out the window and fantasises about the new life that awaits her.

“Ew is that a bin chicken! Ew! It’s actually in the bin!” she screams.

Of course my arch nemesis is out of touch with the real world. Dave wants a gal who’s down to earth! Like… me.

Moments later, she’s walking down the aisle. And she proceeds to steal my husband right before my eyes. I promptly cast a spell to ensure she is swarmed by a flock of bin chickens.

Now fly, my pretties. FLY!

Back across town, Tim is completely ignoring and avoiding Katie at their reception. Then, when they cut the cake, she asks for a little kiss on the cheek. He physically recoils again.

“Nah, I’m not doin’ that,” he cringes.

The room falls silent.

“It was a bit humiliating to be there asking for a smooch in front of friends and family,” Katie confides in us, her eyes welling up. “So I’ve taken that as a bit of rejection.”

She pulls her reluctant husband outside and asks him point blank: “What did you think when you turned around and saw me?”

“Ummm... I think I just had such an open mind, I just tried not to think,” he grunts.

Katie cocks her head. “But... you recoiled a few times...”

Tim plays dumb and puts it back on his wife.

“In what way?” he says with a squint.

Um... when you practically tripped over while escaping her clutches?

He continues to make her feel like it’s all just in her head.

“You definitely put me at ease, I couldn’t have asked for someone more genuine,” he fibs.

Katie lets out a sigh. She feels terrible for accusing her new husband.

“For me, rejection is a big trigger... so I can read into things potentially wrong,” she tries to justify her thinking. “All these assumptions get me in so much trouble! I misinterpreted everything!”

Ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed the first gaslighting of the season.

Katie deserves the world. And all the Australiana-themed jewellery.

The next morning, we find Katie in tears.

“Last night for me was horrible. Tim and I agreed to sleep in separate rooms,” she tells us. “And he knocked on my door and said there’s no spark and he wasn’t feeling a spark all day. To be rejected - that’s my worst nightmare. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I feel very humiliated.”

Tim shuffles out to the living room where Katie is crying by the fire.

“Mornin’ ... how ya doin?’ he mumbles. “How ya feelin’ about it all?”

Um... she ain’t feelin’ too flash, Timothy.

She might have a crocodile necklace but these are not crocodile tears!

“I don’t know if you want to go on the honeymoon or...” he says, putting it all on her and acting as if he’s not the one who doesn’t want to go.

She doesn’t know what to do.

At the very least, producers should get a refund on the Jetstar flights to Cairns and give Katie the cash so she can use it to buy more jewellery at the Australia Zoo giftshop.